This video is sponsored by Surfshark
Hi!
I’m Jessica, I’m a disabled YouTuber
- oh my god, ‘disabled youtuber’? Why not just ‘A youtuber’?
And right now I’m going to explain what ableism is to you, as simply as possible.
- ableism doesn’t exist, like giraffes.
No, it very much does. And also: giraffes?!
- they’re just horses with neck problems.
Oh I can see this is going to go well(!)
Ableism is discrimination and social prejudice against people who have disabilities or people
who are percieved to be disabled. Ableism characterises people as being defined by their
disabilities and inferior to the non-disabled. They are also assigned perceived abilities,
skills or characteristics- or the lack thereof.
- because they’re lazy.
Great example! Also no.
- you’re mean. Disabled people are mean.
We’re not- we’re not- we’re not a lump of people and we’re allowed to have feelings!
We’re allowed to live our lives!
- and some of those lives… are truly inspirational…
Oh lord(!)
Okay, so a lot of ableism and anti-disability language is really obvious and really out
there and you don’t need me to explain it- you’re too smart for that and I’m too…
Well, I was going to say ‘too busy for that’ but I’m in lockdown in a pandemic so…
- plus disabled people spend most of their day on the sofa
[sigh]
Much of what I consider to be ‘hurtful’ though comes in a rather insidious manner
from people who don’t think of themselves as being ‘anti-disabled people’ and probably
didn’t mean for their words to be ableist… but they are.
We can generally spot institutional ableism: lawful discrimination, lack of accessibility,
absolutely no one in a position of power who has a disability of any kind… Oh sure, your
company HIRES disabled people, but does it PROMOTE them?
Some interpersonal ableism is also very obvious: name calling, bullying, abuse, boundary violations…
Ah, you know what I mean...
But you’ve made it this far through the video already so I’m betting that isn’t
really something you would do! No, this video is about how small things you do or say can
hurt- even if you don’t mean them to and even if it’s not your intention.
And even if you have the best of intentions.
Let’s go through some common stumbling blocks so you can avoid your own ‘oops, I did an
ableism’ moment and we’re going to start at the top with the really BIG one:
- “Covid-19 isn’t a big deal because it only kills people with health conditions”
[tongue click]
Who aren’t people? We’re now a year into the pandemic and if you’re still saying
this… you’re an arsehole.
[beat]
Oh that's it. I don’t have anything witty to add. I just wanted to start on a downer
and remind you that some people have been shielding for over 12 months now, unable to
even touch the loved ones they LIVE WITH so if you’re having a party in your university
dorm and posting it in your instagram story: you’re an arsehole.
Being uncaring is one thing, boasting about it is another.
- “I don’t even think of you as disabled!”
This one always stops my heart. Are the government watching!? Did they hear that!? Am I about
to have all of my protections taken away?!
When you see ‘disability’ as only a negative thing, you can’t imagine why anyone would
ever WANT to be labelled as such but, as I have discussed numerous times on this channel-
(not saying you should go back and watch my old videos but… you should definitely go
back and watch my old videos)
The label ‘disabled’ isn’t necessarily something people with disabilities want to
shrug off- it’s a fascet of our own self-identity and it isn’t yours to belittle. Indeed,
if I’m going to be snarky, we might as well say: is that any better than saying “oh,
I always forget that you’re unattractive, and then I see you next to a normal person”.
Like… what? NO. Am I meant to say ‘thank you’ that you’re declaring your decision
to overlook a part of me you’ve decided is bad?
- “Can I pray for you?”
Of course you can, religious freedoms and all that, I’m not going to tell you how
or when to pray! But don’t ask me! Jesus!
[beat]
I see where I went wrong there…
Do whatever you want with an image of me you’ve concocted in your mind but don’t bring it
to my door. Disabled bodies are not public property! If I’m the type of person who
wants people to pray for me, I’ll probably have already asked them to do that. And if
I’m not, then you’re intruding.
- “You don’t ‘look’ sick”
Your failure to develop scanning technology behind your eyes is your own deficiency, I
don’t see what it has to do with me(!)
- “Oh, no, that’s so terrible!”
I’m not a meany, I understand that might just fly out of your mouth when someone tells
you about their terrible car accident or how a big health crisis lead to them being diagnosed
with a genetic condition- I’m the latter and I came to expect this reaction in the
first few months after being diagnosed. BUT when I’m just explaining why I have difficulty
holding a pen 10 years later or why I can’t walk very far. Then… I’m just telling
you about my life.
So… rude?
If you told me you were married and I responded “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, that must be
awful for you! You poor thing!”... you’d probably look at me pretty strangely.
- “At least you look good!”
I hear this most often after I’ve just told someone about my pain.
And yes, Janet, this pretty dress IS helping my mood, but shoosh now, it’s 5pm somewhere
in the world and that means…
it is not time to belittle someone’s pain!
- “This is my disabled friend I was telling you about…”
I WAS your friend who also happened to have a disability, now I am an impolite acquaintance…
who also happens to have a disability. Don’t announce someone’s disability in their introduction
unless there’s a clear reason to do so! “This is my friend Jessica, she’s married
to Claudia, she likes dogs, the countryside, vintage fashion and for some inexplicable
reason the Fast and Furious franchise. Oh, and she lipreads so don’t talk while you’re
eating.” is fine.
- “That is such an ugly wrist splint!”
Yes, thank you, Janet, I’m AWARE!
[without splint] but my hand isn’t really working properly right now because there’s
a PANDEMIC so I have to lift my own boxes.
Because I’m a bit obsessed with stopping my pregnant wife from lifting anything heavy…
But when you insult someone’s medical equipment, it feels like you’re insulting a part of
THEM as a person. I rely on this right now, I don’t have another option. Your belittling
it doesn’t make me feel better about that. What you SHOULD be doing is helping me to
stay positive about my body’s accessories.
- “Your muscles are weak? I can help you create an exercise plan!”
[laughter]
No, no, no...
No, no, you can’t.
Chronic fatigue and exercise? Not a great combination.
Floppy tissue and exercise? Not a great combination.
Which is not to say that you can’t get a specialist exercise regime put together for
your specific body but… please don’t listen to random people who tell you they have ‘the
cure’- a special movement or food that will fix you forever!
Microagressions are always difficult to suss out unless you’re the person they’re direct
against but a good rule of thumb when deciding whether what you’re saying or doing is ableist
is: if it was about race or gender, would you be in trouble?
- most likely.
So let’s not do that!
If you’ve either never dealt with disability or poor health in your life or don’t know
anyone who has, then a great way to learn about the experience of being disabled is
to watch or listen to things that are made BY and WITH disabled people such as:
RJ Mitte’s character Walt Jr in ‘Breaking Bad’ (a disabled actor playing a character
with a disability?!), Sam in ‘The Society’- who is a deaf character played by a deaf actor.
And for younger viewers: The Healing Powers of Dude, about an 11-year-old boy with an
emotional support dog starting public school for the first time with his best friend who
happens to have muscular dystrophy. Or Raising Dion, which I’m trying to talk my wife into
watching, which is about a young boy who develops super-human powers and ALSO has a quippy best
friend who uses a wheelchair.
- disabled people make good sidekicks.
Hey! We can be protagonists too!
‘Special’ which actually deals with sex and disability (rare) or ‘Lady Dynamite’,
whos star, Maria Bamford, has been diagnosed in real life with her character’s bipolar
II disorder and OCD. OR (and yes, I’m including her as a protagonist, even though it’s a
police procedural show): Clarissa Mullery from ‘Silent Witness’, played by Liz Carr,
who uses a wheelchair but still goes to crime scenes.
I’m curious as to how.
Even when they went to the center of a rubbish unit her chair got her there.
It's a really good chair.
Or for a good giggle, try Slap Bang’s ‘Jeremy the Dud’, which you can watch here on YouTube,
where being disabled is the norm and people without disabilities are treated as… ‘special’.
- But I can’t watch those programmes because I live in a country where they’re blocked
(!) (even though I’m sitting right next to you…)
Well that’s fortunate, because this is now an ad for Surfshark VPN!
Surfshark is an app and browser extension that lets you convince your device into thinking
you’re anywhere in the world, allowing you to access content that you can’t usually
see.
(Thank you for the baby documentary advice from last time everyone, I’ve become fascinated
with epigenetics. Just the whole study of it.)
Our house still isn’t finished so we like to snuggle up in the evening with a laptop
to watch a show and obviously Surfshark works on that- because it works on laptops, phones,
ipads, desktops, ipods, but it ALSO works on Amazon Firesticks and Smart TVs! So I shall
be getting a new TV the minute the builders’ dust settles.
- Is it possible to get a non-black TV though? Nothing else in the living room is black,
why does the TV have to be? It throws the whole scheme off!
I know right?
- Do pale TVs exist? Is that a thing? I just really like cream in decor.
Amazingly, Surfshark lets you have one account on an unlimited number of devices whilst also
making your internet safer by masking your IP address, keeping your data private.
Click the link in the description and use the code ‘JESSICA’ for 83% off Surfshark
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Bypass the content throttling, government censorship and the uncomfortable feeling you’re
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- understandable
Fun fact: your internet provider tracks your web history and file downloads, advertisers
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That was miserable. Here’s some baby clothes to make it better!
Look, Jamie and Shaaba sent it to me! Isn’t it cute? So cute!
Also, don’t get overexcited ok? It’s gender neutral. Just cause it’s blue…
So soooft.
So click that link, use code ‘Jessica’, and stay safe.
Also, try not to do an ableism. Thanks.