[Music]
in theory there are only four
styles of parenting authoritarian
parents are controlling
and demand obedience without considering
the child's point of view
permissive parents are loving but don't
exert any control
there are no rules authoritative parents
are firm but loving they encourage
independence
within limits neglecting parents are
uninvolved
and often uninterested in their own
child
recently a fifth style was proposed but
we will come back to that later
the styles range from controlling and
demanding
to complete freedom and from cold and
unresponsive
to loving and receptive each
authoritative permissive authoritarian
and
neglectful parents have their place
to understand what it means to grow up
with parents from each end of the
spectrum
we can imagine the lives of four
children
[Music]
sarah's parents are authoritarian they
love their girl
but they believe that strict rules are
important to make
sarah become well-behaved and fit into
society
if sarah cries she's told to stop if she
talks back
she is sent to the corner for time out
if she forgets to take care of her
chores around the house
she is not allowed to play with her toys
sarah learns that suppressing her
emotions and following her duties
is the way to get through the day to get
the love of her parents
and to avoid making them upset she
becomes obedient
however because sarah was never allowed
to decide for herself
or follow her intrinsic interests as an
adult
she doesn't know what she really wants
she begins
living a life that seems perfect to her
parents and society
but might leave her unhappy on the
inside
permissive parents like those of peter
enjoy their little boys so much
that they believe they should fulfill
all his wishes
give him full freedom and never say no
peter enjoys full control over his
parents
and gets whatever he wants if he doesn't
want to walk
he'll be carried if he wants ice cream
ice cream he gets
if he wants to play games he'll be
playing them
all night
peter grows up completely without
borders and does whatever he thinks is
right
he never coped with conflict and he did
not learn to control his emotions
the fact that he always got what he
wanted made him a bad loser
as he grows older he often acts
inconsiderate
and doesn't know his limits
arthur's authoritative parents respect
their child's needs
but believe that kids need freedom
within certain limits
arthur can freely play but when he's
done he needs to help tidy up
he is allowed to eat ice cream but only
on sundays screen time is limited to 30
minutes a day
there may be conflict but the parents
listen to what arthur has to say
and then lay down the rules
arthur learns that some things are
difficult but his parents give him all
the support he needs to get through it
he develops the strength to ensure
hardships
and to continue following his interests
and passions
in class he bravely expresses his own
opinions in an appropriate manner
during breaks he can show his emotions
and act freely
as an adult he agrees to rules only
after they have been discussed
and he feels like he understands them
neglectful parents are usually not
present in their children's life
nora often feels completely alone in the
world
she experiences full freedom to do
anything she wants to
and has plenty of imagination but she
never receives any feedback
or even attention
nora realizes that it doesn't matter
what she does
because no one cares anyway the lack of
attention
leads to a lack of trust in herself and
others
she becomes insecurely attached unable
to form healthy relationships
and develops a negative image of herself
to stop feeling unworthy of love she
tries not to feel
anything at all
in recent years over-involved parents
who are present in every aspect of their
child's life
are often referred to as the fifth style
these parents are also known as
snowplows
removing obstacles out of their kid's
path
or helicopter parents who hover about
and micromanage every aspect of their
child's life
since they won't let their children do
anything alone
the children can't learn to overcome
challenges by themselves
research infers that these children
don't like to solve difficult problems
like perseverance and may even
procrastinate in protest
when something requires a lot of effort
since most research on parenting is
based on
self-reports and was done in the us and
europe
it is not clear how strongly the
observed effects will hold up in
controlled observational experiments
or in other parts of the world
the four parenting styles were first
introduced by psychologist diana
baumrind
for good parenting she advised balance
of demandingness and responsiveness
add to that the wise words of maria
montessori
to never help a child with the task at
which he feels he can succeed
and parents should do pretty well
what do you think should parents resort
to a specific style
or should they decide what's best to do
in a given situation
as long as they don't neglect or abuse
their child
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