>>> THE GENERATION KNOWN AS MILLENNIALS HAVE OFTEN BEEN
CRITICIZED AND DESCRIBED AS ENTITLED, BUT MANY SAY THE
OPPOSITE IS TRUE: THAT MILLENNIALS ARE ACTUALLY
WORKAHOLICS -- AND PUT QUITE A BIT OF PRESSURE ON THEMSELVES TO
BE BETTER AND TO ACHIEVE MORE.
I SPOKE WITH AUTHOR AND LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT
SPECIALIST RACHEL SIMMONS TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THIS
GENERATION.
>> I THINK WE'RE SEEING A GENERATION OF STUDENTS WHO NO
LONGER HAVE THE SAME FINANCIAL SECURITY THAT OUR GENERATION MAY
HAVE HAD.
THAT ANXIETY CAN MAKE THEM FEEL LIKE THEY CAN'T WORK HARD ENOUGH
BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT.
IT'S A GENERATION THAT'S HAD TO WORK HARDER THAN ANY OTHER TO
GET INTO COLLEGE.
I JOKE I NEVER WOULD HAVE GOTTEN INTO SMITH COLLEGE, NOW.
WHEN I APPLIED IT WAS EASY.
AND NOW THINGS ARE A LOT HARDER AND THAT MAKES STUDENTS FEEL
INCREDIBLE PRESSURE AND THEY NEVER KNOW HOW HARD THEY ARE
GOING TO HAVE TO WORK TO GET TO WHERE THEY WANT TO GO.
>> IT'S INTERESTING YOU SAID THAT.
YOU DO LOOK AT ALL THE DIFFERENT COLLEGES.
I WENT TO BOSTON COLLEGE.
I'D NEVER GET IN NOW. AND I WAS PRETTY SMART BACK
THEN.
WHEN I HAVE A 4.7 GPA AND 1600 ON THE SATs AND WAIT LISTED.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
AND THE STUDENTS HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT'S GOING TO TAKE BECAUSE
THE CRITERIA FOR GETTING IN ARE SO MYSTERIOUS.
>> IT DOES CREATE A LOT OF PRESSURE.
WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT MILLENNIALS, A LOT OF TIMES YOU
WOULD LOOK AT TIME LIKE THEY ARE ENTITLED.
THAT SEEMS TO BE THE NARRATIVE OR PERCEPTION PEOPLE WOULD HAVE.
BUT HERE YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT THEY ARE WORKING, YOU KNOW, LIKE
CRAZY TO GET WHERE THEY WANT TO BE.
>> YEAH.
AND IN FAIRNESS TO THEM, MANY OF THEM HAVE BEEN RAISED BY
SO-CALLED HELICOPTER PARENTS WHO HAVEN'T REALLY GIVEN THEM THE
OPPORTUNITY TO FAIL OR TO BE INDEPENDENT.
>> YOU ARE LOOKING RIGHT AT ME.
>> WELL, THIS IS A HIGHLY-OVER SCHEDULED GENERATION.
WHEN YOU DEAL WITH YOUNG ADULTS WHO REALLY HAVEN'T HAD A LOT OF
FREE TIME.
THEY HAVEN'T HAD OPPORTUNITIES TO CHALLENGE THEMSELVES AND
NAVIGATE STRESS ON THEIR OWN, A LOT OF THEM ARRIVE AT COLLEGE
AND DON'T HAVE SOME OF THE LIFE SKILLS THAT US OLDER AND WISER
WOMEN MAY BE ACCUSTOM TO.
RATHER THAN BLAME THEM FOR IT, WE ACTUALLY NEED TO WORK WITH
THEM AND LOOK AT OURSELVES AS PARENTS AND SAY HOW DID WE
CONTRIBUTE TO THIS?
>> THE OTHER THING IS WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE AGE GROUP, IT'S 18
TO 35 WHICH IS A HUGE SWING.
PUT THE COLLEGE KIDS ASIDE.
BUT THOSE MILLENNIALS IN THERE WOULD HAVE LIVED THROUGH THE
RECESSION.
WOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD WHAT UNEMPLOYMENT AND UNDER
EMPLOYMENT IS OR COMING OUT OF SCHOOL WITH THIS EXPENSIVE
DEGREE WITH NOWHERE TO GO.
>> PEOPLE HAD JOBS FOR 20-30 YEARS.
THIS IS ONE OF THE FIRST GENERATIONS NOT TO HAVE THE
EXPECTATION OR THE CERTAINTY THAT THERE'S ALWAYS GOING TO BE
A JOB THERE OR MAKE THEIR HOME IN A COMPANY FOR THEIR ENTIRE
LIVES.
THAT IS GOING TO CALL FOR A NEW SET OF SKILLS THAT MAYBE THEY
DON'T HAVE AND MAYBE WE HAVEN'T LEARNED HOW TO TEACH YET.
>> TALK ABOUT THE ANXIETY.
BECAUSE THERE SEEMS TO BE THIS DESIRE TO BE PERFECT.
YOU WANT TO BE PERFECT IN EVERY WAY AND YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT
JUST THE EXPECTATIONS OF GETTING INTO COLLEGE AND JUST BEING
PERFECT TO GET IN.
HOW DOES THAT TRANSLATE AS FAR AS MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES?
>> ON ONE HAND I THINK IT'S WONDERFUL OUR YOUNG ADULTS ARE
TALKING ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH AND ASKING FOR HELP IN NUMBERS WE'VE
NEVER SEEN BEFORE.
ON THE OTHER HAND, WE HAVE TO ASK OURSELVES WHY IS THERE THIS
EPIDEMIC?
IN PART IT HAS TO DO WITH THAT PRESSURE.
WE HAVE A LOT OF STUDENTS TURNING TO SOCIAL MEDIA AND TO
SCREENS AND WHO ARE SAYING THEY ARE MORE LONELY THAN THEY'VE
EVER BEEN BEFORE.
WE HAVE A LOT OF STUDENTS AND YOUNG PEOPLE WHO ARE LESS
CONNECTED AND NOT BEING NOURISHED BY THEIR RELATIONSHIPS
IN THE SAME WAYS THEY ARE USED TO.
SO THESE ARE NEW PROBLEMS WE HAVEN'T REALLY SEEN BEFORE AND
MANY OF US ARE STILL AS EDUCATORS AND RESEARCHERS TRYING
TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE BEST INTERVENTIONS ARE.
>> WHEN YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT SCREEN TIME, THERE'S ANOTHER
STUDY THAT SAID MILLENNIALS CAN'T GO ON VACATION AND JUST
RELAX AND PUT THAT PHONE AWAY.
THEY ARE CONSTANTLY CONNECTED, ANSWERING EMAILS, LOOKING AT
TEXTS AND EVERYTHING ELSE.
>> IN MANY WAYS WE DID NOT TEACH THAT FIRST GENERATION HOW TO USE
THEM WISELY.
WE JUST SAID HERE, WE OVER ESTIMATED ALL THE POSITIVE
BENEFITS TO THE STUDENTS USING SMART PHONES.
WE DIDN'T TEACH THEM TO HAVE A HEALTHIER CAREFUL RELATIONSHIP
AND HOW TO TURN THEM OFF.
>> I THINK ADULTS HAVE -- THEY ARE ADULTS BUT --
>> WE SET THE EXAMPLE.
>> YES.
JUST AS BAD.
YOU HAVE A NEW BOOK OUT ENOUGH AS SHE IS.
AND IT DEALS WITH SOME OF THE ISSUES WE'RE TALKING ABOUT OF
TRYING TO BE PERFECT.
AND THE EXPECTATIONS FOR YOUNG WOMEN.
>> THE BOOK IS REALLY ABOUT SETTING PEOPLE UP TO FAIL WHICH
SOME PEOPLE SAY WHAT?
WHAT WE'VE DONE IS SPENT TOO MUCH TIME HELPING OUR CHILDREN
SUCCEED.
HAVEN'T GIVEN THEM THE TOOLS TO FAIL.
IF ALL YOU KNOW HOW TO DO IS EXPECT THE BEST OUT OF YOURSELF
BUT DON'T KNOW HOW TO RECOVER WHEN THE BEST DOESN'T PAN OUT,
YOU ARE ONLY GOING TO GO SO FAR.
A VERY LOW CEILING ON YOUR PERFORMANCE.
IT'S CRITICAL WE TELL ALL YOUNG ADULTS YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO
SUCCEED WITHOUT SACRIFICING SELF WORTH AND WELLNESS.
THAT'S A LESSON MANY YOUNG ADULTS STILL HAVE TO LEARN.
>> WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT ALLOWING YOUR CHILD TO FAIL, THAT'S A
HARD THING TO DO. AND CIRCLING BACK TO THE
MILLENNIALS, EVERYBODY GETS A TROPHY.
WHICH IS NOT NECESSARILY A GREAT IDEA.
IT IS HARD WHEN YOU FALL FLAT ON YOUR FACE TO BE ABLE TO PICK
YOURSELF BACK UP AND LOVE YOURSELF.
>> IT'S TRUCHLT ONE THING WE DON'T TALK ENOUGH ABOUT IS IT'S
OFTEN THE PARENTS WHO WANT THE CHILDREN TO GET THE TROPHIES.
SO INSTEAD OF SAYING WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE KIDS?
THE WORK THAT I OFTEN DO WITH PARENTS IS TEACHING THEM HOW TO
CALM THEMSELVES DOWN AND BACK OFF AND LEARN HOW TO REGULATE
YOUR ANXIETY AS A PARENT WHEN YOUR CHILD FAILS TO LIVE UP TO
SOME STANDARDS.
>> DO YOU THINK THAT THE YOUNGER GENERATION IS JUST MORE WAITING
LONGER TO HAVE A FAMILY AND REALLY HAS THIS IDEA OF I HAVE
TO BE A SUCCESS WHERE IN PREVIOUS GENERATIONS IT WAS
GREAT TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE A FAMILY.
>> I THINK THE MAIN THING THAT'S CHANGED IS WOMEN ARE DELAYING
CHILDBIRTH BECAUSE THEY KNOW THEY CAN EARN MORE MONEY UNTIL
THEY DO THAT.
MORE WOMEN ARE WAITING UNTIL THEY ARE NOT JUST FINANCIALLY
STABLE BUT INDEPENDENT.
AND THAT'S WHEN THEY ARE MAKING THE DECISION.
IN FAIRNESS, THAT'S ALSO BECAUSE WORKPLACES OFTEN PUNISH WOMEN
WHO LEAVE FOR HAVING CHILDREN.
SO I THINK WOMEN HAVE GOTTEN CLUED INTO THAT.
DOWN THE LINE, THAT CAN AFFECT FERTILITY, THE AGE YOU DECIDE TO
BECOME A PARENT.
THAT'S THE MAIN REASON IS WOMEN KNOW THEIR FINANCIAL
INDEPENDENCE HANGS IN THE BALANCE.
>> WHAT'S YOUR ADVICE TO PEOPLE ABOUT HAVING IT ALL?
I DON'T THINK YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL AND IT'S OKAY NOT TO HAVE IT
ALL.
>> I DEFINITELY THINK IT'S IMPORTANT.
AUTHENTICITY REALLY COUNTS.
PEOPLE NEED TO MODEL IMPERFECTION.
THE MORE LIKE WE ACT WE'VE NEVER MADE A MISTAKE, THE MORE WE SEND
TO YOUNG PEOPLE IT'S WITHIN THEIR GRASP.
YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL BUT NOT ALL AT ONCE.
I'M NOT THE AUTHOR OF THAT SAYING.
YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO PICK AND CHOOSE BUT ACCORDING TO YOUR
VALUES.
RIGHT NOW IT MAY BE FAMILY.
TEN YEARS FROM NOW IT MAY BE WORK.
NOBODY GETS TO DO EVERYTHING ALL AT ONCE.