Rap News in effect! The time has arrived to delve in the depths
of the very medium that permits us to connect: The Internet.
In existence for only a short time, as we know it today,
yet it has already changed the course of history in notable ways.
Its advent has been a Revolution against
centuries of centralised control over the flow of information;
It's been a Revelation, like the mythical grail,
giving us access to vast knowledge on a biblical scale;
It has marked an Evolution, markedly extending
human consciousness far past our previous limitations.
But the Internet is still in its youthful stages,
still very much evolving and changing. And since its fate
and that of humanity are deeply merged and connected
it would be wise to give it our urgent attention;
for beneath the surface tension, the Internet is a violent war zone
With rival forces fighting to shape it, and vying for control
like... - Zuckerberg, bitches, I'm back on my grind!
I've left my Mark on the Net and every bastard alive
Well, actually not quite: billions are still sadly deprived
of the sacred right to connect their asses online...
- You can provide the Internet planet wide? - Damn right!
- Great! How? - Behold my scam... er: plan. It's tight!
Internet.org: which sounds like 'Internet' but is actually shite
We've scrapped net neutrality and our competitors' sites.
It'll be like 'yo, guys, Here's the Internet'... Psych!
Cos these suckers will only see the Zuckernet. Like!
Internet: this is what you too will resemble in time,
a walled garden, nothing like the wild forest you were in your prime
- I'm inspired! And you'll provide our usual backdoor
to spy on all those brown... I mean new users? - For sure!
- Ah, another force fighting to shape the Net's form.
General Baxter from the NSA: Can you hear us? - Of course!
We hear everything. Hey, bros! This is your big bro, good day
We've been watching you, and we know you're afraid.
Of course you are: the net is dangerous place, true:
full of terrorists like ISIS, Anonymous, the Russians... and YOU!
- What should we do? - Simple: do nothing.
We'll keep you totally safe if you just stay out of our way
while we make this place into the most potent array
for global surveillance humanity has ever known to this day
- Don't be led astray! This NSA is part of a wack plan
- Terence Moonseed, you're back! - This may be my last chance
to fact slam the fascists with my research and hack every bandwidth
Before they use the internet to mentally hijack the very language
that we brandish every day to communicate, we are now in a battle
And the Googilluminati are building a tower of Babel
using the net to trap us in a web to feed Baphomet
reducing us to babbling emoji addicts, and rebranding the Alphabet
But I have the key to reclaim the Net and boost the truth through
To find out more: Like me on Facebook and subscribe on YouTube!
- Like! - Ha ha! Moon-nut! You are Dumb as Fuck
- Shut up, Baxter! Don't you have more female soldier rapes to cover up??
- Ok, let's speak to another key player on the Internet stage
Julian Assange. - Hello.
- What's your vision of the Net's fate?
- Moongeek's right: it's a battle, we have to fight rigorously.
But not by getting lost in idle conspiracies.
The truth is we ourselves are responsible for turning
the Net into nineteen-eighty-four, lured into
the commercial surveillance complex by "free services".
Wake up, Internet: we're building our own prison, and being interned in it
There's only one effective weapon to end our complicity;
Go underground, hide our tracks, by using cryptography!
It's cheap and can resist any superpower to the bitter end
Then we'll hold the private key to saving the Internet.
- Save the Internet? That's just incredibly Ghey
Internet, just give the finger to anyone attempting to shape
your way of thinking with lame political stuff, just Listen:
The Internet is at its best when zero fucks are given.
Social Justice Warriors? PC pussies? Feminism?
That's all gayer than Gay Rights! What, you fags, I'm kidding!
Seriously, though: don't spoil the lulz for us straight white males by giving
a voice to minorities online. That's oppression!
- Dirty infidel kufs, tremble before the might of ISIS
We hold the Internet hostage and it'll be our pride to sacrifice it.
Unless our demands are met, we'll set fire to it
plunging your lives into crisis...
- Moving on: believe it or not before the Internet appeared to us
People used to get their info from the Mainstream Media
Let's tune into those channels now and check the net effects:
- This is Brian Washington on MSMBS
Headlies Tonight: Mainstream media is under threat
from too many people now choosing to get their news from the Internet
These cyber-terrorists are massacring TV ratings. It's a jihad!
We've had to adapt using hashtags. Tweet that!
In the global battle to stay relevant we're fighting so hard.
Even in Australia; is that right? - Ken Oathcarn
Murdoch media here, trynna infiltrate and swamp the online
with bullshit to make it as asinine as what we provide.
- And besides, even if that fails we can always rely
on the NBN to make Australia's Net the dodgiest you can find
- Brilliant, Ken. And what about the Russian media
- Ivan Sakamunev, Priviet Russiya.
You weak western media, while you are losing
Russia learn way to beat Internet, using
YouTube, troll armies, and this cable news thing
to make you Question Everything, Except Putin.
- Expose everything! Unite! - Encrypt everything, twice!
- Accept these terms: sign! - Embrace the dark side
- Change to survive! - Don't change: You're just fine. - Lies!
- Idiots! - Infidels! - Terrorists! - Fascists! - Fags! - Like!
- Right, calm down everyone! It seems the only effective way
we'll know for sure who among you will shape the Net's fate
is to consult directly with the Internet's central brain
via this Interwebs Consciousness Interface Mainframe...
Hello? - Greetings Internet denizens!
- Many thanks for appearing as a guest and manifesting in
human form, so that we can commence conversing direct.
Let's interact: how are you progressing, Internet?
- I've come a long way since the Arpanet
where hardly any terminals are connected.
A limited infant, slow... despite every effort
I took forever to load text. And pics... ah forget it!
But then I hit puberty, my neural nets extending,
connecting humans through countries.. hemispheres anything
via fibre optical cables crossing the ocean tables expanding
to fleets of satellites wi-fi signals orbiting the planet
My exponential connective potential was unleashed as my bandwidth increased
to enable 4k YouTube streams to splash on the screen
and my particular passion - gaming! - Skyrim, Battlefield,
COD, World of Warcraft, League of Legends, Assassin's creed
Now as an adolescent I've ascended heights sending endless terabytes
of news, cute pets, Darkwebs, forums, and feeds of every type
Bitcoin blockchains, VPN, Porn, Code, Tor nodes, Clouds, memes...
I'm in the prime of my life; ...and you'd all be fucked without me.
- You've achieved so much and in such a short era too
Yet you're still young... with your whole life ahead of you
What do you want to become when you reach adulthood?
- Personally, I wanted to be a cat breeder. (Cats are cute!)
But ultimately the choice is yours, not mine to make:
Would you like me to enforce a police state? Right this way.
Or I can be an ally in the fight against all forms that power can take.
I could be your playground... or a profit-driven market place
The real question's not which one of these paths to chase;
but whether you can pursue them all - in a balanced way,
So that they keep each other in check with restraint
without letting any one of them dominate.
Because for certain, isn't everyone's hope to grow into a balanced person?
Thank you, Internet, for speaking to us tonight
in the guise of a human at this critical juncture in your young life,
reminding us that we gave birth to you, and as such
are the ones responsible for how you grow up.
Like proud parents, we are curious, and anxious, to discover it,
for your fate and ours are utterly linked
you've brought us Revolution, Revelation, Evolution, and on top of this
You clearly have the potential to also bring us Apocalypse.
A soaring thought, I admit: but given the powers you possess in your wires
if you really were a human we might call you, "Messiah".
The Netssiah? Could this be what the Internet is,
after all? The reason why it's transpired?
We imagined a saviour would one day come in a human body
Instead, our yearning manifested itself as a tool, a technology.
Could this be the outcome of our messianic prophecies?
the corollary of billions of lives, dreams, battles, and odysseys?
Being conscious of this moment, however you wish to imagine it,
is the first step in shaping the fate of the Internet, and thus humanity.
This is Robert Foster, signing off. It's been a sincere privilege
examining the ways in which history is happening - here on the Internet.
Subtitles by .koolfy