let's talk about the atari jaguar cd now
i've done the reviews as the nerd of the
atari jaguars and uh part one and part
two uh and just a little recap uh the
atari jaguar cd is a very
faulty
console and it just doesn't work and um
and i made that very clear in the video
and since then somebody sent me a
working jaguar cd so i have played it
um but i've been holding off on it
because i haven't really found a game
that was really that bad we have a stack
of games here we're just going to try
some different ones out and
see what they're like i've actually
never played jaguar cd before i played
regular jaguar uh quite a few times
actually i really like
uh doom on jaguar um even though it
doesn't have music but uh
and there's some other games i like but
jaguar cd nope never played it and i
assume that's because uh they're faulty
it well you're gonna have the rare
opportunity to play it right now here we
go
battle
morph
now this is the sequel i believe to
cyber morph
you know where did you learn all right
fly where did you learn to fly
oh god
it's the cousin of [ __ ] where did you
learn to fly good luck it's the cousin
of where did you learn to fly
i gotta use the controls i've never
even played this console before
it's christmas trees huh
they look like lego christmas trees how
do you like that when a big wall just
appears right in front of you
you move through space so quickly it's
hard to even shoot anything because by
the time you hit the button you're
already like past it
there's not a lot of uh
depth perception yeah not a lot of
advanced knowing of what's gonna appear
in front of you this is truly like when
they were trying to figure out how to
make these kind of games
i feel like i'm going around in a circle
i remember star fox being a lot better
than this though yeah oh my god star fox
was awesome compared to this
all right so if i crash into something
will the blue face come up i wonder
let's see if it happens
oh see it didn't even come up maybe they
um
they they learned from the first game
that it was really annoying to keep
having that face popping up
where did you learn to fly
where did you learn
i do have to say it was pretty
disappointing when i
uh finally got a working jaguar cd it
was great it was nice to know that i
could finally play it so i had closure
on that whole thing but okay now mike's
had enough so now i'm playing i died my
[ __ ] pulled up okay because i spent so
much time on those videos where i was
hyping it up as if you know i'm trying
to get the jaguar cd to work and
and finally i do get it to work
now in real life and it's like
it's not even that it's just that
i'm struggling to think of anything to
say about it no i really don't think
that this game is good because
at the same time there was star fox
star fox was a great game you actually
knew what you were doing you would get
to the end there would be a boss and
this is just like you fly around
randomly and it's like hard to figure
out
what to do the controls are pretty bad
you just slam into the mountains there's
bad and then there's funny bad and and
this is
not really funny
like i don't know i mean
yeah it's not really funny it's just not
good
it's just not good that's that's the
best way to say it blue lightning all
right so we definitely got a fighter jet
type of game here
euro
south africa europe south america north
america
america [ __ ] yeah
is your last plane be careful out there
well like you this character that you're
playing as
has been in a lot of [ __ ] before he's
like launch pad mcquack
they don't want to give him another
[ __ ] plane because they know he's
gonna crash it
i keep making the comparison but really
like this does look a lot like taco you
know it reminds me of uh afterburner i'm
dead already
oh my god
all right select
whoo it takes so long to get to the
[ __ ] actual game you gotta you gotta
select your player select your weapons
um put your access card into the [ __ ]
mission um accept the mission
then you gotta wait for the animation of
the plane taking off then finally when
you get to the game
you die in two seconds and then you
gotta go through it all all over again
that's all one hit is was that it you
got hit once i think it was one hit like
oh look you can you can blow up the
trees look at look look when you blow up
the tree they actually explode
why would you ever be doing that why
would a tree explode it should just like
fall over
it's the opposite of of a game that's
like good for the environment you know
what i'm trying to say it's just like
you're just taking down trees those
trees are [ __ ]
okay now we're going to try out hover
strike okay
you know i think i own most of the the
games that are on this console because
there weren't that many it's kind of
similar to the virtual boy or the 32x
consoles that just
flopped
actually you know what i don't even
remember if i said this in
my my nerd episodes but did i mention
the thing about how um
lots of atari jaguars were used for uh
dental equipment like i think it's like
a it's like a thing that like you know
one of the machines that like x-rays
your teeth or something like that you
know um
they used the the shell of atari jaguars
and painted them white
and
so so i'm not even kidding like
basically what i'm saying is an atari
jaguar could take a picture of your
teeth
if i go to a dentist and the dude pulls
out the atari jaguar i'm out of there
i'm sorry
something's always up with atari like
either they they bury all the games in a
desert or something or the or they
recycle the plastic for dental equipment
or something there's always like just
strange stuff going on with atari
treasure hunts
yeah the sword quest
anyway so this looks like you're in a
tank look at this you want to get dizzy
so
you're in a tank on the death star
shooting oranges
so it's kind of like the game battle
morph
because you don't know what to do you
just
you just ride around and
like i give up like try to do something
all right like
find something to shoot at or
it's like that's
that's the recurring problem in all
these games you don't you love it how
when you go into something like this
yeah
well you're going you would think it
would be a little more smooth you would
kind of go over over it you know
it's it's just one of those games that
it it's like you can't even look at it
you can't look at it you can't
like it's just look at look what's going
on here
look at all this
it's so disorienting oh you think it's
just sorry
this is a terrible [ __ ] game
oh my god
all right uh hover strike uh sucks ass
yeah there's some great classical games
but this is not [ __ ] one of them this
is garbage
this is [ __ ] from a [ __ ] mountain
it's like you're you're
you're riding through garbage too it's
it's it just looks like like it's not
even appealing to look at
it's just
it's just gray and like dots all around
the floor
look at all the dots it's just i love
this game
all right this is highlander based on
the animated series
well i don't know what to do so maybe
you should start first uh how about you
star you want me to start today
wait a second
so i'm hitting so i want to go down so
i'm heading wait wait wait wait wait you
better watch out getting down i'm
hitting down and he's going he's going
back he's not going to let you figure it
out
go right go right go right go right and
he's going left i'm hitting right and
look at this i'm hitting him right and
he's going left
you're dead who's this guy whipping me
oh he killed you he killed your ass
and that's it game over you're dead now
let's wait through a whole animated
screen
oh you're [ __ ] kidding me
all right you have to try this
oh did you see that he's jumping [ __ ]
wailing
look at this like i can't even
i'm hoping he'll just run into me it's
not happening
oh finally i finally got them
it's these these views are just
like the way it keeps changing
like that that just like i can
understand once he reaches the end of
the screen it should change like right
about there that made sense yeah but
when it happens when you're just like
you're in the middle of the screen and
you're just like right there like why
there's no reason it needed to change
right there
you know what this kind of reminds me of
a little bit is that um one of those
early uh survival horror games uh
what was that game oh you found a you
found a rolling dark it's a rolling rock
i'm gonna well i'm gonna use that i
guess
that's what you need on top of all that
is to be drunk oh my god so you're
having an even harder liking around like
conquers bad fur day the game starts off
and you're so disoriented and like you
can't even like control yourself
oh look how his feet are like in the
ground
oh look i can't what's blocking me
i'm too far away to even see what the
hell i'm doing
oh god here comes the guy that beat you
over the head
you know what there's 17 buttons on this
thing that's a lot of buttons
you know how many the original atari had
one one
and the games were better yeah they were
frogs and flies yeah fast food kaboom
kaboom stampede space invaders
of course the camera has to change 18
different angles before you can go yeah
it's just oh watch out here comes one of
those guys no i know i don't even know
oh there's two of them oh no oh no oh
god oh my god each other i think they're
beating each other oh are they
oh it's terrible take it in the face you
[ __ ]
oh no
okay okay i'm gonna run i'm gonna run
run just fine i'm trying i can't even
get out
let's go along that path oh could this
can this guy [ __ ]
pick up the pace
no hurry he wants to have this [ __ ] oh
my god in that little angled chair now
you're running what do you know i don't
know i think i think if you hold uh hold
up for a little while it eventually
picks up speed i guess i love how the
mute there's no music or anything it's
just like peaceful you just hear like
birds and stuff
and it's like a guy chasing somebody
who's gonna
get this like beat him senseless
oh god oh god here comes here comes the
guy oh no time to get beat what is going
how do you run i don't even know how i
did it before
run
run i did it before
he runs when he feels like it it is now
he's running he's running oh my god he's
running maybe it's like certain screens
you can run and other ones you can't
well he's running right now and i never
know what to do every time it keeps
changing the angle
all right i'm just gonna fight him i
guess
look at that look at this fight isn't
this great
and there's also like a tree like
there's a tree in the way and we're like
look at all i see is pixels flickering
around
oh god oh and when oh my god you didn't
even know that guy was there and then
the camera cut and then i'm stuck oh my
god they're just
oh my god i can't even get out of this
beating the [ __ ] out of you
i can't get out of this
you're getting the [ __ ] feet out of you
this is ridiculous
go to the go to the i'm just going for
the water i'm going for it oh my god oh
god
oh god
oh my god
here here oh god time to get beat boy
get away from me
well you're doing good you're doing good
keep getting away
oh my god you guys are [ __ ] mean what
if this guy what did this poor orange
jared
green warrior men you orange-haired
freak we're gonna beat your [ __ ] ass
senseless your little freckled [ __ ]
what what they want with them
i think they hate him because he has
orders they just don't like it they
don't like the way he walks he just he
walks i don't like the way he walks
either
you know let's let's all kill him come
here pippy long seconds
it's like a one
pigtailed pippy longstocking
with missing feet that he'd just like
disappear into the ground
that was highlander
highlander is
one of the worst games i've ever played
here it is so there you go now i can
understand why you took a [ __ ] on it