Heartstopper is a delightfully joyous and sincere teen romance story on Neflix,
an adaptation of Alice Oseman s similarly delightful graphic novels,
which follows a group of British schoolkids as they navigate romance, social pressures, bigotry,
complicated new emotions, and their own personal flaws. Despite an illustrated, augmented-reality
style visual aesthetic, Heartstopper feels real. Speaking as someone who - *fairly* recently spent
my teenage years in the British school system, it was honestly kind of jarring just how familiar
this show s settings, characters, and journeys felt even if my own experience was a lot more
heterosexual. But I don t really know why I m even bothering to introduce it doubtless, you ve
all heard of it already, and you ve probably all watched it too. So, yeah, it s a glowing beacon of
queer hope in an increasingly depressing cultural landscape. But it s also more than that, in a
lot of ways. And one of those ways, one of the countless really powerful aspects of this show,
is the topic for today s video the way Heartstopper rejects toxic masculinity.
I m not focusing on this aspect because I think it s more important than the just, frankly, awesome
queer rep and the nuanced exploration of sexuality I m focusing on it because A: I m a straight man,
so this topic feels more my lane than the rest of it, and B: this topic won the Patreon vote,
so this is the topic we re covering so thanks to Adam Myers for suggesting it! Before we jump in
the deep end, though, in order to make sure we re all on the same page, I think it s worth briefly
asking the question what is toxic masculinity? Well, that s a tricky question, since masculinity,
toxic, or not, doesn t really exist in the same way that, I don t know, a banana exists. It doesn
t even exist in the same way that more abstract things like hope or fear exist. Masculinity is
a social construct at its most basic, it s the expression of the qualities which our
society has consciously or unconsciously decided men should exhibit. Common examples of these
traits may include confidence, being physically strong, being a provider, or being in control of
ones emotions. In broad terms, then, the term toxic masculinity refers to any one of these
ingrained, expected masculine qualities, which are harmful either to the man himself or to others,
and the society at large as well as the actions men take which reflect these harmful ideas.
We might think of the way negative emotions and internal struggles are too often repressed by men
who worry that revealing them would mark them as weak , specimens of inferior masculinity. We might
think of this expectation itself that men should be tough, hard . We might think of the inaccurate
or hurtful assumptions modern masculine culture tends to have about homosexuality
assumptions about what it means to be gay and we might also think of the bullying, slurs, and abuse
which, sadly, are often the result of these. But the great thing about Heartstopper is just
how healthy this show is. To be clear, we see more than a little toxic masculinity throughout
these first 8 episodes from homophobia, to the way certain characters default to violence, instead of
examining and working though their feelings, and maybe even Charlie s refusal to open up,
and the way he damages himself by bottling up his emotion. But without ever seeming preachy, without
it even being obvious, the show always manages to frame these behaviours as the mistakes they are,
and always manages to privilege emotional honesty and men working to better themselves.
For instance, Refinery29 has an article on the way Tao and Charlie s friendship goes above and beyond
the limiting assumptions held by too many on how intimate male platonic relationships can be.
The crucial thing is this isn t utopian. It s not that these characters aren t flawed, aren t
labouring to some degree under the unspoken weight of this latent masculine code of conduct . Tao s
too possessive of Charlie to begin with, and Charlie inadvertently allows the social
pressures Nick s feeling to get in the way of his own relationships. But Heartstopper doesn t wallow
in these imperfections it lets these characters grow and establish their own, healthy masculine
identities by the end of the season, in ways which feel genuine, optimistic. Toxic masculinity is
present here, but unfailingly it is framed as something to be avoided, or overcome. It s not
always easy, but it is possible, and it is right. And honestly? This is rarer than you might
imagine, especially in media at the forefront of the cultural zeitgeist. We might think that as a
society we ve developed enough to have largely eschewed toxic masculinity, and stories which
frame it in positive ways, but we haven t. Just look at the way that the second highest grossing
movie of all time, Avengers: Endgame, has one heroic character make a joke at the expense of
another s physical form simply because that second character s own unhealthy coping mechanisms have
resulted in a non-idealised body-shape. That s the first example that came to mind, but it
s hardly unique. You could walk into a video rental shop, close your eyes, spin around, and
wait, those, those don t exist anymore. My analogy doesn t work in the present day. Ok ooh! you could
load up Netflix, close your eyes, and spin the cursor around wildly clicking, and chances are,
whatever movie or film you end up on is implicitly pushing some of these harmful conceptions of
masculinity. It s not always obvious, and it s not always in big ways but this stuff s everywhere.
It s like, cultural background noise. In this context, Heartstopper is just, so,
refreshing. It s like eating an apple after a week-long fast-food binge not that I d ever
go on one, MUM. But remember a minute ago, when I said these characters establish their own, healthy
masculine identities ? I think that s an idea worth returning to. Because as we ve established,
masculinity doesn t exist in a concrete way it s a concept, a concept which varies between cultures.
It s subjective, to some degree it even varies from person to person. And since it s subjective,
since it s constructed by people it s something that can be deconstructed, and reconfigured.
Masculinity isn t real , objectively, externally real and one result of this is that every one of
us gets to choose what it means for us. This isn t to discount the impact of broader, society-wide
ideas and stereotypes of masculinity it s just to say that they aren t absolute, and there s nothing
stopping people from fashioning for themselves a positive, healthy version of masculinity.
That s not something I m particularly interested in myself I don t really think about masculinity,
it s not a concept that I find any real meaning in personally, and I tend to be wary of trying
to imbue socially constructed categories like this with any transcendent meaning,
but I don t want to talk about me I want to talk about Kit Connor, the guy who plays Nick Nelson.
Because he had this to say about Masculinity on the Reign with Josh Smith Podcast.
The rest of that interview should be linked below, if you re curious, but I want to
pick up on Kit s idea of positive masculinity. Because while Kit didn t write the show himself,
or anything, he did inhabit this character, share his journey, and bring him to life so I think his
take here is important to consider. Let s look at Nick s character in particular, and how he
carves out this new non-toxic masculinity Kit speaks of. Nick starts off as a character who
seems to fit fairly cleanly into the contours of stereotypical masculinity. He s a big sports star,
playing rugby which, for my American viewers, is seen as a sport for tough men , and he s popular,
especially with the ladies. He s seemingly content existing in his circle of friends,
a group who behave largely according to these common stereotypes and assumptions
of what masculinity means even, especially, its toxic side. We see this in characters like Ben
and Harry both of whom are, initially, in Nick s circle, and both of whom exhibit toxic behaviour,
and who seem committed to initiating, play-acting, this socially-dominant conception of masculinity.
We later find out that Nick isn t comfortable with this culture but that he can t really see a route
out of it, a way to change it. Over the course of the season, though, this shifts. He becomes more
and more aware that these covert expectations society has for what men should be and how men
should act are often just dumb and made-up, and he starts to recognise the ways these ideas influence
the actions of his so-called friends Harry s homophobia, Ben s general the worst -ness.
From the very first episode, Nick had always personally acted in better healthier ways,
like his really refreshing sense of emotional honesty. But to me?
One of the most interesting dimensions of his arc is the way these initially personal values
and habits shift from internal qualities to externalised ones by the end of the season,
he s not just being his emotionally honest self in secret he s being himself publicly, even when this
means leaving behind the people he once called friends when it becomes clear they re still stuck
in toxic ways. And largely, this journey is facilitated by his bond and relationship with
Charlie. It s through Charlie that Nick sees that other ways of being, other, valid, configurations
of masculinity are possible. That to be a man doesn t necessarily mean playing the role
society has tried to give you. And it s not that Nick s just trading out one external conception
of masculinity for another - it s that he s realised he can live his own. Just think about
what his mum says after Charlie s been round When Kit talks about the bravery at the heart
of Nick and Nick s masculinity, he isn t talking about the stereotypical idea of
masculine bravery we re fed elsewhere it s not being brave enough to take up arms and fight,
it s not being brave enough to, I don t know, sacrifice himself to protect others no it s the
bravery to exist authentically, to openly live his truth, to resist the controlling pressures
of society s stereotypes and assumptions. By showing this journey, and by showing that
harmful ideas about how men should behave aren t absolute, and can be successfully challenged
Heartstopper can be read as a text which reconfigures masculinity into a positive thing,
an aspirational thing a healthy thing. And I don t know about you, but I think that s pretty cool.
Heartstopper isn t always a perfect show. The writing can be a little blunt, and at times,
the editing feels kinda messy. But none of that *really* matters, because it always feels
REAL. And that s equally true whether we re talking about the depiction of British
school life, or the nuanced representations of queer life and this multifaceted masculinity.
Because no matter what pop culture and mass media often try to tell us, men don t have be tough and
stoic. Being violent and confrontational doesn t make you more of a man. Being straight, or cis,
doesn t make you more of a man. Acting according to these stereotypes in ways harmful to yourself
or to society doesn t make you more of a man. If there is any meaning whatsoever to the idea of
masculinity , it s a meaning we create ourselves, knowingly or otherwise. And like Kit Connor says,
like Nick, Charlie, Tao and everyone else shows this meaning can be positive. So being kind can
be masculine. Being accepting can be masculine. Being yourself, building deep and honest emotional
connections to others, regardless of their gender or sexuality that s what we should all be
doing. And if society s ingrained conceptions and stereotypes of masculinity don t match up, then,
so what? We ll build new ones, positive ones. Through our individual actions, and through good,
honest, healthy media like Heartstopper. So that s the video, and I hope you guys liked it
especially my Patrons who generated and selected this topic. As always, if you want to help decide
what the next Community video focuses on, scroll your way on down to the description, and hey,
maybe check out my Patreon. I ve also linked some other, largely queer readings of Heartstopper down
there too some you may have seen, some you may not have because that s, obviously, a massive
element of this show which I ve not really engaged with here too much. But I d love to know what you
thought of my video, or just the show in general, so feel free to share your thoughts below,
and you can like or dislike this video as you see fit. But thanks for watching! And thanks to all my
Patreon supporters onscreen now especially Kevin Douglas, Ian Fyfield, and Thrawn7.