Hey everybody.
It's finally Friday.
And I am so glad because this week I swear.
On Wednesday I was like 'Wait, it's not Friday? What?'
So, I'm really glad it's Friday.
Oh my god.
I'm going out with a girlfriend tonight.
To catch up and to see her little baby boy.
Because he's so cute.
So. Anyways.
I'm doing the old school thing still.
Because Sean has my laptop and it's making my life difficult and everything is odd.
But, if you haven't been to my youtube channel on a Friday before.
When it's Friday I'm on facebook.
So if you have any questions that you want to ask.
If any of you are new, welcome.
But I have a little schedule that I keep.
So Tuesdays I'm on tumblr.
Wednesdays I'm on the website and youtube.
Thursdays I'm on twitter.
And Friday's I'm on facebook.
So you can ask your questions accordingly.
And I answer, probably about ten a day.
And then I do these.
So, I try to get through as many as I can.
But it's just really hard.
I get a lot of questions.
So keep asking, don't give up hope. Okay.
Now, without further adieu.
My first question.
Oh, and I have a journal topic that I put together that I found on pintrest.
Which was really cool.
So if you are looking for art therapy ideas.
And journal topics.
Pintrest is a great place to search.
Okay. First question.
'Hey Kati. I'm finally on the cusp of success.'
Hooray!
'I'm just scared that if I make myself 100% vulnerable,'
'And give my job literally everything that I have. That I am going to fail.'
'My office is expanding next month and I am just scared of moving.'
'And in two or three months later it not panning out. I know I will be fine.'
'My self doubt is just clouding my mind. What's your advise?'
Now the interesting thing about us,
Those of us with a negative voice at some point in our head.
Or if we have ever struggled with self harm, depression, if we've had a trauma.
When things go well for us.
And we see that things are moving forward and it's getting really exciting.
And you know, you are really starting to actually accept it and get excited about it.
Then we all of a sudden have this freak out moment where like,
'Holy shit, this could all go wrong. I don't know what to do. Oh my god.'
Because in the past we have had that experience.
Things have not gone the way that they were supposed to.
People have treated us not the way that they are supposed to.
And if any of you are feeling this way.
Where you really want to try something.
You really want to do something but you are afraid to jump.
You're afraid to do it for the fear that, you know, once you do then the,
You know, the ground drops out from underneath you.
And you're lost.
Is, number one, obviously.
And you're all probably annoyed by this.
Is to talk back to that voice.
We have to take time to kind of, we're going to use some of our CBT skills.
We're going to dig into that tool box.
We're going to pull out what we call 'downward arrow questioning'.
But I'm just going to call it,
Or what I say to clients is, let's logically talk this out and question through it.
So our first question is.
So you're afraid that you are going to fail. And you know, everything will drop out.
So if that happens what would that mean?
Well now I'm in a new place and you know that's just really depressing.
Okay. Well what are the, so you're in a new place and it didn't pan out.
So what does that mean?
And what does that mean?
We go through all these questions.
To figure out what it really is that we are so scared of.
Is it simply that we feel that we are a failure at the core of us.
Is it that trying new things really makes us anxious.
Is it, what is it that's causing this.
Because once we know that.
Then we can better attack it.
And we can better prepare ourselves for this really exciting opportunity.
Because once we have all that information,
Then we know how to talk back to it.
Often times we get caught up talking back to those first few thoughts.
Like, you know, I'm just kind of scared.
And I'm a failure.
And I'm a loser.
Without actually thinking through where all those thoughts are coming from.
Does that make sense?
I know it's a little like existential or abstract.
It's hard to kind of put our hands on it.
But I want you to figure out where all of these worries and thoughts are coming from.
I want you to talk back to that.
And then the second thing that we are going to try and do.
Is just preparing ourselves.
So changing jobs, moving.
Those are all things that fall in the top.
I think it's the top ten most stressful events in someone's life.
In that there is also death of a close family member, divorce,
All sorts of things like that.
And so we can plan so that the stress isn't so intense.
We can start looking into apartments.
How much that would cost.
When would I be moving.
What would that mean.
How can I prepare.
Is there a therapist I need to get set up with when I get there.
Possibly.
Is there a group that I would like to find out if they have.
I should start looking into it.
I should start asking those at work what this really means.
And what its going to be like.
And is there any way I can prepare for it more.
Because the sooner we do that, the less worry there is.
The less stress in the moment there is.
If we already know who we will call to move us.
Then we just make that call.
And we have already kind of prepped them.
If we already have an idea of a few places where we would like to live.
Then it makes finding an apartment much easier.
Talk to our family about it.
We just need to get our support team and ourselves on board.
And prepared for this transition.
Because as exciting as change is, it can be really stressful.
And sometimes I find it can cloud over all of that excitement.
And all of the amazing things that we've done to get us where we are.
Okay. And let me know how it goes.
And if any of you have tips and tricks to share with this.
To kind of get through that worry of failure and things not panning out.
Can you let us know below.
Okay. Question number two:
'Hey Kati, I lost a child eight years ago to a heart defect.'
'He was four years and nine months old.'
I'm so sorry for your loss.
'I have been coping better with it over the past couple of years.'
'But I am struggling really badly now. I had a miscarriage two months ago.'
'I was 22 weeks pregnant. And I understand this is probably what has sent me backwards.'
'My question is, how do I heal from losing my son and the recent loss with the,'
'Miscarriage in a way that makes it, so it wont keep coming back to haunt me.'
'Of course, I never want to forget my son. And I'll never stop wanting him back.'
'But I struggle to get through the day at the moment.'
First of all.
I am so sorry for your loss.
I honestly, I can't even imagine what you're feeling.
And i am so sorry that you have had to deal with this and the miscarriage.
And for those of you who have struggled and had miscarriages.
I often feel like people don't give that the grieving time and the respect that it deserves.
Because having a miscarriage is losing someone.
It's a death in the family.
And we need to take time to grieve it.
And so what we do when this happens.
Now, this person is completely right.
Having the miscarriage brought up all of the stuff that we had already kind of tried,
To deal with and stuff down.
Or however we were managing it from before.
From losing our child earlier.
And losing another, it just stirs that all up.
It's like a lot of my patients who have lost like a parent or a grandparent.
Then when they lose another member of their family,
Even if they weren't as close to that member of the family.
It stirs up all of the stuff from the first person that passed away.
Because it's so closely linked, right.
We've lost someone we really cared about.
We really loved.
We can't imagine how life can go on.
And grief is a really funny thing to go through.
And it comes and goes.
And even years after it will still come and go.
But what I would encourage you to do in this scenario.
Is first of all.
Please please please see a therapist.
Often times we just need a safe place to cry.
To talk about it.
To vent about how unfair things are.
And to just say the things that we might not feel comfortable sharing with our spouse.
Because through their own version of it.
Or our friends.
Because they might not know what to say.
And it can make us feel awkward.
And we don't want to cry in public.
Or, you know, give yourself the space to deal with that.
And to have a safe place to go to manage through it.
And I would also encourage you, ask your doctor.
This is what I would do.
Ask your OBGYN, or whoever is your physician.
Where, because I'm sure they have them.
As long as you are kind of in a city centre.
Or at least the hospital has it's own group.
Often times hospitals themselves will have groups,
For grieving parents who have lost children.
Now everybody's going to be coming from different views and different scenarios.
But it can be so incredibly healing to hear that you are not alone.
And the thoughts that you think about it aren't bazaar.
And don't make you crazy.
And it is so nice.
And that can also lead to friendships.
You know, with the other women or men in the group.
And I would just really encourage you to seek that out.
Because even over your own therapy which is very pivotal to you processing through this.
Group can really be healing.
So I would encourage you to do that.
To look into that.
Ask your physician.
They know of groups.
Almost every hospital has one.
And that could really help you heal.
So that this doesn't keep coming up over and over.
Obviously we are never going to forget our loved ones who have passed away.
But we have to find a way where it's not so in our everyday life,
That it's so palpable that we can't even get things done.
Am I right?
And if any of you have any links.
Or things that you want to share for how to find groups like that, in different areas.
Please share them below.
Because I am sure that there are other people out there,
That are hurting that haven't asked a question.
And the more areas and things that we can find for them the better.
Okay. Now question number three:
'Hey Kati, I'm going to be visiting my parents soon.'
'And I find that seeing them triggers a lot of negative thoughts.'
'I fear they will be judging my body, etc'
'Is there anything I can do to prepare so that I can enjoy it more?'
Now I hear this a lot.
My parents are, you know, dysfunctional in general.
Or they don't eat properly.
Because they are always on diets.
Or they say things that are really hurtful.
Or they are always yelling at each other.
Or whatever.
Now the best thing that we can do is plan.
Plan for our trip.
Plan outings on a day that may be filled with family stuff.
At the end, go out with your friends.
Plan a friend to pick you up and take you to lunch.
Make plans.
Bring your tools.
Bring your journal.
Bring your music.
If there are other things that you can bring.
If you like to do art and stuff.
Make sure you have some kind of things available to you.
So that you can do it when you are there.
Because the thing that I find.
Is that when we go home, we kind of revert back to the way that we used to be.
And families really know how to poke our buttons.
And they can really get us stirred up.
So the more prepared we are.
The better.
And there is so many things that you can bring with you.
So many things that you can do.
Just know that you are never stuck there.
Always know you have a way out.
Whether you call a friend to come get you.
You call a cab.
You lift it.
You walk to town.
You go to the library and spend half the day.
Just make some plans to get you out of the house periodically.
So that you don't feel so stuck there.
And like you can't escape what they are saying.
You can't escape their eating habits.
Make it safe for you.
And then, those are your boundaries.
Once you have plans, you have things that you are doing.
I would just say if they are going to get into a huff and be like,
'You're not spending enough time with me'.
Be like, 'I have to see people from my life too. And this has to be fun for me too.'
'And I love you, and I'll be back.'
But you're, you know.
Just set some boundaries.
Show some respect both ways.
And I think that you'll feel a lot better.
Just bringing our tools.
And preparing.
Know what works for you, and what doesn't.
But make sure that you bring all that stuff so that you are more prepared.
So that you don't feel like you are out of your house and out of your element.
And you have nothing to help you.
Okay.
And if any of you have helpful tips and tricks on that too.
Let us know.
Now the journal topic.
Okay, so it's more of an art project.
And I just really like this and I have actually used to do this,
In this old group I ran at the eating disorder clinic called the Body and Soul group.
Now this is,
'What does your soul look like?'
Let's get creative this week and pull out your crayons, your markers, your paint and your paper.
What do you visualise your soul to look like.
Is it bright orange?
Is it red?
Is it deep purple?
Is it swirling?
Is it scattered?
Is it focused on one thing?
What's your soul look like?
And then take some pictures.
And share them.
Tweet them to me.
Send them to me on instagram.
Anything.
I'd love to see your beautiful artwork.
Now have a wonderful weekend.
I will see you all on Monday.
And Tuesday I will be on tumblr.
So ask your questions there using the #KatiFAQ
It's finally Friday!
Bye!
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