(water splashing)
- Happy New Year. (laughing)
(gentle music) Listen, pay attention.
Look, stop. (laughing)
Here we are again.
2023, hi everybody. (coughing)
For any of you who are new here,
hi, my name's Alayna Joy.
I make videos mostly about the queer community
here on this channel.
Sex, dating, relationships.
But sometimes, once a year to be exact,
I get into my bathtub fully clothed
and answer your questions and that's what we're doing today.
Why, let's just not worry about it, okay?
That's the one question
I will not be answering in this video.
(water splashing)
It's a bathtub and I'm wearing a suit
and about to get into it.
It's true, #NotClickbait.
Do I enjoy baths, no.
Am I gonna get into this bathtub, yes.
Last year, I think I wore overalls
and someone in the comments said that for next year,
this year, I should wear like a full snowsuit.
Someone said I should wear a gown, like a prom dress.
And I want you to know I tried.
I tried to make those dreams a reality.
I went to the thrift store to try and find a snowsuit
and I also looked to see if they had
like any kind of over the top dress.
They did not.
But what they did have was a plethora of men's suits.
If not a snowsuit, why not this?
Ready for Wall Street.
Every year we get to this part and I'm like, why?
Why am I doing this?
Nobody is forcing me to do this.
Oh, it sucks, that sucks. (laughing)
(Alayna groaning)
Every single year I'm like, what is my job?
This is my job.
Ugh, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Except another way where maybe I'm not
in a bathtub in a suit.
Actually, I would rather have it in a way
where I'm not in a bathtub at all,
if I'm getting to choose.
Let's celebrate the new year, let's do it.
We free the cage from the wrapper,
free the cork from the cage,
and then we free the champagne
(cork popping) from the bottle.
Happy New Year. - Yay!
- 2023, the year of the sparkling brut champagne.
This is non-alcoholic champagne
because I don't really feel like getting drunk today.
Believe it or not,
I do have some say in this whole process.
Let's give it a taste, shall we?
It's a bit sweet.
This kind of feels like it's gonna give me
more of a headache than actual champagne would've.
The worst part is always the arms.
Let's get it done with, get it over with.
(water splashing) Oh!
I learned how to tie a tie for this.
(contemplative music)
I went over on my Instagram.
If you don't follow me on Instagram already,
what are you doing with your life?
That's where the magic happens.
And I asked you all for questions.
This is the third year in a row in a new bathtub, right?
That's gotta be some kind of record.
"(beep), marry, kill, climbing holds edition."
Okay, this is maybe too easy, but (beep) pockets.
(laughing) Obviously.
I would marry crimps and I would kill slopers.
Like I would kill the (beep) out of slopers.
They have no place in my heart or in my life.
"The 'Chosen Family' podcast is amazing,
thank you so much."
You are absolutely welcome and no, thank you.
Have you checked out the 'Chosen Family' podcast?
My podcast that I started?
Have you checked that out yet?
Me, Mak Ingemi, Ashley Gavin, we started a podcast.
It's very fun, you should check it out.
It'll be linked in the description.
"If both you and she were single,
would you consider dating Mak?"
No, (laughing) no, no.
Mak is like my little sister, absolutely not.
Oh my God, I'm sweaty already.
"Do you keep in touch with any of your exes?"
I think I've talked about this before,
but yes, some yes, some no.
It depends on the foundation
that the relationship was formed on
or like when you take
the romantic aspect out of it, what's left?
Is there a relationship left
that's going to add to your life?
So the exes that are still my friends,
or who are still like actively in my life,
are people who I just enjoy spending time with.
The reason that we had a relationship
or the thing that kept the relationship going
was just like enjoyment
of being around each other, you know?
And these are still people that I can say that I trust.
These are still people that bring joy
and friendship to my life.
But I will say I have no bad blood.
I have no bad blood with any exes.
Just some are still an active part of my life
and some aren't.
"Do you consider it cheating when your partner's
hall pass is her hot coworker?"
I mean, that's not up to me.
That would be up to her partner. (laughing)
Oh my God, I'm so hot.
"Favorite position LOL."
Dry, dry and in a different room.
"How is your heart?"
My heart is good.
My heart is really good.
Yeah, my heart is really good.
And following that, "Are you single?"
No, "Who does the dog in the recent video belong to?"
He belongs to the reason that I'm not single.
And so also me. (laughing)
"How are you doing really?"
"How's life going?"
"How did you grow in 2022?"
I feel like all of this kind of has the same answer.
I'm doing well, it's kind of funny
because you're going to hear me saying this now
and then there's a "Chosen Family" episode
coming out soon that we recorded like a month ago
where I really wasn't doing so hot.
Just know that I'm feeling a lot better now
than I was when we recorded that.
A strange feeling and therefore a strange thing
to try and explain that I feel like I'm both
doing the best I've ever been
and the worst I've ever been, at the same time somehow.
I feel like in my life I'm at the best place
I've ever been at.
I feel like I'm the most myself I've ever been.
I feel like I'm learning how to make choices for me
and not for other people.
But it's like in doing all those things,
the process of unlearning and relearning,
it's really hard work and it's really scary
and vulnerable and anxiety inducing.
It's hard to unlearn and relearn patterns and thoughts
and beliefs and all these things that I held consciously
and unconsciously for 28, 29, 30 years of my life.
Changing those things, putting in the effort to explore
and then change is hard.
The other piece of it is that the more
that I step into who I am
and my choices and my life and my beliefs,
all those years that I lived not as that person are heavy.
Like it's hard.
It's painful to look back and to remember all of the time
that I spent not feeling this way.
Does that make sense?
I wanna hug my past self.
Like I wish that she had known what I know now sooner
and I wish that she didn't have to do all of the things
that she thought that she had to do.
That's where I'm at.
I'm working on it and that work
is only having positive effects.
It also like puts me (water splashing) activating, you know?
So doing great, 2023, new year, new me.
Oh it's, (lips smacking) it's sweet.
"Do you have any internalized homophobia
and if so, how do you deal with it?"
Absolutely I do.
I don't know if it's internalized homophobia
or if it's just like wanting to keep myself safe.
It could be a bit of both, right?
Like I'm thinking about holding my girlfriend's hand
in public or like being affectionate with her
around people that I don't know.
There's always this thought in my head that's wondering
like how the people around me are feeling about that.
And so I'll find myself modifying my behavior
or like restricting my behavior for fear
that I'm making other people uncomfortable or something.
But deeper than that,
I'm sure that this is a common experience
and therefore I think it's important to talk about,
is I'll say very broadly figuring out the things that I like
and then feeling a lot of shame or fear or anxiety
or whatever negative emotion, insert negative emotion here,
at like wanting that.
That's definitely internalized homophobia, absolutely.
"How old were you when you realized you liked a girl?"
This is more complicated than you would think it would be.
I liked a girl in high school
and we basically had a full-blown relationship,
but like didn't know that that's what we were doing.
Like we just thought we're just like such good friends.
We're just like so close. (laughing)
We're just like so close
that we joke about like getting old together
and living together and only having one bedroom in our house
and how like everyone would think we were so kooky weird,
funny, in a silly goofy mood
because of our house with one bedroom.
I genuinely didn't realize that like I liked her.
I didn't know, so it was only when I discovered bisexuality,
which I think I was 18, that I was like, oh no,
realizing that I liked a girl.
So I guess I'll say I was like 18 when I actually realized.
"How does it feel going almost three years strong
living the gay life, elaborate."
It's absolutely unbelievable. (laughing)
Like I'm like, I could have been doing this the whole time?
I could have been doing this the whole time?
Why did nobody tell me?
It like actually is upsetting that nobody told me this,
that this was possible.
When like business dudes sit down,
they unbutton their jackets, right?
That's a thing that they do?
Oh my god, it's so hot, it's too hot.
It's too hot for a suit jacket.
Is this cheating?
It's my video and I can take off my suit jacket
a little bit if I want to.
How to elaborate?
I'm wearing a business suit and sitting in a bathtub
drinking non-alcoholic champagne.
Need I elaborate more?
Like you're probably watching this like, yeah, what?
Yes, that makes no sense.
It doesn't have to make sense to you.
Okay, babe?
It's a lifestyle, this is a lifestyle choice.
Why am I even talking about?
I swear this is non-alcoholic.
Life feels real, I don't really know how to describe it.
It feels like I've been walking around in the dark,
kind of like half seeing the world
but thinking I was seeing the world,
and then suddenly someone put the colors back.
I feel amazed, it's absolutely unbelievable.
"What's the most challenging thing
you have had to encounter since coming out?"
Probably the continuous need to come out.
I've never experienced that before.
When I was queer and dating a man,
I got to decide when I wanted to come out or not come out,
which is still true to a point now.
But like if I was ever in a situation
where I didn't wanna come out
or I didn't want to be seen as different,
I didn't want to be othered for my queerness,
my relationship with a man like guarded me from that,
you know, because everybody sees you.
They see you as a woman, they see you that you're with a man
and they assume ah yes, straight relationship, check.
Woman likes man, check.
Like safe, good, normal.
Whereas now my options are either come out or lie
and there isn't that chance
if like I'm actually out with my partner.
So when you are in situations where you don't know
if it's an okay space to be openly queer,
I'm finding it really painful.
I didn't expect how hard I was gonna find it
to like hide my love for my partner.
It's been really hard to be in situations
where other people are allowed and accepted
to be openly in their relationships with their partner
and to like openly show love and affection to their partner
because they're a straight relationship
and then to be with my partner and to not be given
the same recognition as the other couples is painful.
I think I kind of naively thought, you know,
well I don't care that I'm gay
and like I accept myself as gay
so I'm going to be openly gay.
I'm gonna be openly queer no matter where I am.
Like it doesn't matter because I accept myself
so I don't care what other people think.
That's just not the reality.
"How do you know if your feelings are platonic-"
(water glugging)
Oh, we knew that was gonna happen, didn't we?
We knew that was gonna happen.
(Alayna laughing)
Just like what could make this bath experience better?
Bubbles, this is now a bubble bath.
"How do you know if your feelings are platonic or romantic?"
(champagne pouring)
I'm not an expert here
and I'm sure there's a lot better advice than this.
I would imagine if I want to kiss that person,
actually imagine kissing them.
Do I want to do that?
And kissing doesn't equate to romance for everybody
by any means.
Like obviously sexual attraction
and romantic attraction can be different.
That's a good way that I can differentiate
between platonic feelings and other feelings
is like, do I want to kiss this person?
And also it's trying to differentiate
between do I want to kiss this person
because I want to kiss someone
or do I want to kiss this person
because it's this person, you know?
"What is your dream bathtub?"
No bathtub, and if that's not an option,
then a bathtub half filled with non-alcoholic champagne.
"What's one thing you've been scared of trying
but you decided to do this year?"
Saying no, saying no thank you, I don't want to do that.
You should try it, it's terrifying.
"How are those socks feeling?"
(water splashing)
A plus, baby.
"What are your 2023 goals?"
All of my 2023 goals, at least at this point,
they kind of evolve as January goes on generally.
There's so much air in my pants right now.
(water splashing)
I wish you could see this like air bubble.
All of my goals for 2023 kind of stem
from the same umbrella goal
and that umbrella goal is to do
more of the things that I enjoy just because I enjoy them.
Kind of like more enjoy, less work.
It really kind of sunk in in 2022.
If something is not for my work, I struggle to do it at all.
I struggle to fill time that I'm not working
with things that I enjoy.
So I end up either working all the time
or wasting the time that I'm not working.
Basically in 2023, I'm working on
scheduling my time more efficiently.
I'm trying to kind of block schedule
similar types of activities in one chunk
to like leave more chunks open.
Does that make sense?
I dunno how to explain this.
So for example, instead of scheduling
a meeting in the morning, then I'm gonna do some emails,
then I'm supposed to film a video,
then I have another meeting,
and then like gonna try to go climbing
or like do an Instagram photo or something.
Where that's like six different things in one day
and my brain just kind of feels scattered the whole time
and like I'm like trying to just keep up,
instead, I'm trying to like schedule all my meetings
one after the other in the morning,
the afternoon is for admin.
Trying to kind of block out my time
in a way that eases some of the chaos in my brain
so that it leaves more time for like schoolwork or you know,
I like studying French.
I wanna do more climbing, read more books, like whatever.
I really need to pee at this point.
So it kind of ties back into like keeping practicing
saying no thing.
I wanna say yes to the things that I want and I wanna say no
to the things that I don't want, things big and small,
whether that's activities or alcohol, right?
Oh God, have I been reevaluating
my relationship with alcohol the last couple of years.
That's a whole different video.
Thank you so much to everybody who submitted questions.
If you don't follow me on Instagram already,
what are you doing?
That's where the magic happens.
That's also where the climbing happens
That's where the updates happen.
That's where I pull questions from.
Check out my podcast, "Chosen Family" podcast,
everywhere that you get podcasts.
An extra thank you as always to my VIP patrons,
my vitally important producers.
These videos, like this specific type of video,
it's for you.
That's who this video is for.
I know I say it every time,
but the reason that I can make these ridiculous videos
is because of my patrons, so thank you all very much.
I hope that you had a happy New Year.
Let me know what some of your goals are
in the comments down below
because I would love to get some inspiration from you.
I love you very much and I will see you in the next one.
Bye. (lips smacking)
Okay, now for this.
This part where I try to get out. (water splashing)
(laughing) Oh my.