- Oh, I'm getting chills.
I'm getting goosebumps.
Especially like me where I was
in a relationship with a man realising that I was gay.
It's explicit, but it's changing the game.
Hello, they had a baby, and if you haven't watched it
what are you doing with your life?
Do I wanna be with her?
Do I wanna be her?
Do I wanna be her someday?
Like I said, climbing is gay.
(trunk creaks) (orchestra jingle)
- Hello, everybody.
Welcome back to my channel
and another special guest hosted episode of Pleasure Trove.
I have with me the wonderful Elena Joy,
woo, woo, woo,
all the way from Canada and a cat.
- Oh yeah.
And my cat Bugs is here and she, whenever I film
she thinks that I'm talking to her,
so I apologise. (cat meows)
- No need, it's all good.
Elena is like an OG YouTube friend of mine.
We have both been in this game for like
over a decade, internet friends, that whole shebang.
Absolutely love it.
I thought Elena would be a great person
to get to host an episode of Pleasure Trove.
You may know a bit about her story.
If you've listened to my podcast, Doing It,
I interviewed her on there.
Or if you watch a brilliant YouTube channel where she talks
about being gay.
(both laugh)
- Yeah, late bloomer lesbianism, welcome.
- Yeah, exactly.
So I'm really excited to see the things that Elena
has to share with you all in this episode.
Please be nice, obviously.
- Please be nice. (laughs)
Are you afraid they won't be nice?
Do they need that warning?
- It's the internet.
- That's fair.
- And you're gay.
- That's true. (both laugh)
Oh, I forgot for a second. (laughs)
- No, but as my audience, then I know that
you'll all be absolutely lovely.
Elena, take it away.
- Oh my God, thank you for having me.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this episode of Pleasure Trove.
I'm your new host, your temporary host, Elena Joy.
I am so excited to be here right now.
Like we said in the intro, Hannah and I have
been long-term internet friends, long term, long time.
I'm gay.
I can only speak in lesbian relationships. (laughs)
We've been long-time friends.
I'm excited to be here on her channel
telling you about some of my favourite queer shit.
Looking at this list, I feel genuine excitement.
I feel like I could vomit (laughs)
because I genuinely love all of these things.
Everything I'm about to talk
about and loving so hard
makes me nauseous, apparently.
For any of you who don't know me,
I am a queer online content creator.
I make videos here on YouTube mostly
about queer sex, dating, relationships,
and if you wanna check out any of my stuff,
it'll be linked in the description.
Okay, let's get started.
Let's start with books.
Oh, I have so many books that I wanted to talk about
in this, but for time's sake, we're just gonna do a few.
We're gonna do a few top picks from the last few years.
Let's start with Cantoras
by Carolina De Robertis,
sorry, this book rocked my soul.
Cantoras, I know I'm not saying it right.
Cantoras is fiction.
It's a story of a group
of queer women in Uruguay in the seventies.
Question mark.
Yes, When Uruguay was
under military rule and homosexuality was illegal
and the story is essentially these women finding each other,
finding community, exploring and expressing their queerness
through this like beach house that they buy, Beach Shack.
It's not, it's really hard to describe this book
without reading it, because that's the story, right?
The story is being gay is illegal.
Obviously, this is a turbulent time in their country.
It's an especially turbulent time to be gay.
And so they find this little getaway where they return over
and over again for 35 years.
Oh, I'm getting chills.
I'm getting goosebumps.
That's the bit that gets me, 35 years.
The book follows these characters for 35 years.
You get to watch them become who they are.
You get to watch them move
through phases of life, through relationships.
Ah, and I bawled, the book ended
and I bawled.
Okay, I cannot talk that long about every single thing.
This is just, it's one of my favourite books of all time.
The way that I found this book, I think also speaks to it.
I was in the UK.
I was in a queer bookstore.
I found like this LGBTQ bookstore.
I went into this bookstore.
I knew what I was looking for
but the owner was there and I asked her,
"What is your top recommended favourite book?"
"If you could pick one book
for me to read out of this whole library, what would it be?"
And this is what she gave me.
She said that it's real, it's dark, it's beautiful.
And I was like, sold.
Cantoras.
If you haven't heard of it,
if you haven't picked it up, do yourself a favour.
Okay, oh my God, I will not talk that long about everything.
I promise.
The next book, Detransition Baby by Torrey Peters.
I had heard people talk about this book
for a really long time, and I finally got around
to reading it this past year, and it didn't disappoint.
It was as good as everyone said it was gonna be.
It's smart and it's funny.
And Detransition Baby is also fiction.
The story is two trans characters
and one decides to detransition
and then wants to start a family.
That's the bare bones explanation of it.
But the book at its core, at least for me reading it,
it was an exploration of gender
an exploration of femininity,
an exploration of what it means to be a woman,
what it means to be a woman with desire,
a woman wanting to start a family.
It's the trans representation that we need
and don't see enough of, and it's raw and honest.
I would recommend this book to everybody
whether you are queer or not, trans or not.
Reading this, I felt like things that I hadn't been able
to put into words about my own femininity,
about my own womanhood were explained and explored.
Detransition Baby.
So good.
I hope I did that justice.
Oh, Torrey Peters, I hope I did you justice.
Final book that I'm gonna talk about,
because Jesus Christ, (laughs)
Three Women by Lisa Taddeo.
This is nonfiction.
Oh my God, it's just incredible.
The author is a journalist, and she followed,
I think like six women actually for almost a decade,
consensually, consensually, of course,
and wrote their stories.
In the end, these were the only three
that actually allowed her to print the stories.
And the entire book is an exploration of sexuality,
of desire, of having your needs met as a woman,
like what it means to be a woman
in the world experiencing desire, having sex,
and what it means to not only experience desire,
but to be desired.
One of the women was essentially groomed by one
of her teachers and had a sexual relationship
with him when she was in high school.
We're following her as she goes through
like the aftermath of that, trigger warning, sexual assault.
One of the women was assaulted
and now is exploring her sexuality
through an affair that she's having on her husband.
And the third woman explores
her sexuality and her desire through like sleeping
with other people almost for the entertainment
or benefit or like some sort of play with her husband.
There's a lot. (laughs)
I recommend this book to everybody.
And then two honorary mentions, because I can't help myself.
Women by Chloe Caldwell.
This is a little bitty book.
It is a ride.
The back, there's one thing
on the back that I just think sums it up really well.
A breathless-comet book that commands an evening
with your heart and a next-day pass along
to all the women you treasure.
A breathless-comet book.
That's this.
You fly through this thing, you are taken on a ride.
Last but not least,
I have to mention Untamed by Glennon Doyle.
If you are questioning your sexuality, especially like me,
where I was in a relationship
with a man realising that I was gay,
Untamed, baby.
This is, she's done it.
Glennon's done it.
She's been there and she puts it
into words in ways that I could never.
Those are my books, ah, ah.
Next, podcasts, I only have a couple here.
Top recommendation, We're Having Gay Sex.
Ashley Gavin, you've heard heard of this, right?
Ashley and various co-hosts have different queer guests
on each week, and they talk
about the gay sex that they've had.
A couple of years ago when I was just coming out,
this podcast changed my life.
It's comedy, it's light, it's explicit,
but it's changing the game.
There is no other place that I had found that spoke so
honestly about queer sex
and all the ways that that can look.
Hosted by my dear friend, Ashley Gavin.
I've done a couple of episodes
if you wanna hear me talk more.
And then, hello, of course,
I need to talk about my new podcast, Chosen Family.
It's actually with Ashley from We're Having Gay Sex.
Am I biassed?
Nah. (chuckles)
And Mak Ingemi.
And we are essentially, Your Chosen Family.
We sit down around the dinner table every week
and talk about gay stuff.
It's like sitting down with the queer family.
You might not have mom, dad, and son,
and talking about what it means to be gay in the world.
And then honorary mention
to my favourite podcast of all time, Let's Go To Court.
It's not gay.
It's true crime, it's comedy.
I listen to it every day.
Instagram favourites.
So I use my Instagram for climbing. (laughs)
I like to watch women climb.
I like to post myself climbing, but climbing is gay.
So I think it's fine.
If you're into climbing
and you're looking for some accounts to follow,
here's three of my favourites, @anna.davey,
@janja_garnbret, and @nataliaclimbs.
These are like professional.
Natalia and Janja are Olympians.
Hello.
And it's just, it's like art
watching them climb and then @boulder.and.wiser,
I'll recommend if you're looking
for like climbing comedy, she lives in Germany.
She does a lot of like, she does jokes.
She does a lot of like climbing jokes.
It's niche, but like if you're into it,
there's some recommendations there.
Also, I post a lot of climbing on my Instagram.
I'm no pro, but it's fun.
It's a good time.
Television shows.
I need to take a deep breath
before this one because my love for this show goes so hard.
Gentleman Jack, Gentleman Jack
What to say about Gentleman Jack. (chuckles)
I love her.
We are in love.
Gentleman Jack is a queer period drama,
comedy, heartwarming, heart wrenching, powerhouse
of a woman, gender bending, gay loving,
just, it's just such good TV.
The show is fiction, but it's based on the journals,
the real-life journals that were found
of this woman, Anne Lister,
and she was gay when you absolutely
couldn't be gay, (laughs)
and possibly gender fluid in some way.
We don't really know, obviously,
I don't think they had the language back then
to really explore that.
Anne Lister essentially lives her life in a masculine role
and while just kind of being like F you to everyone else
as much as she safely can,
she runs shit.
Anne Lister runs shit and then she meets this woman
and it's like this whole thing.
There's two seasons.
Oh, getting goosebumps again.
It's so good.
If you haven't seen Gentlemen Jack, what are you doing?
It's HBO and BBC, I think.
Yes, it's HBO and BBC One.
Hello, they had a baby, and if you haven't watched it,
what are you doing with your life?
I have two more TV recommendations and Sex Education
is like one of my favourite shows of all time.
It has some of the best queer representation I've ever seen
on TV, positive and honest queer representation
and also depictions
of such healthy relationships and such healthy masculinity.
If I could only recommend one show to somebody,
I would recommend Sex Education over Gentleman Jack
just because of the diversity of subjects
and the diversity of like representation, beauty,
everything you want in a show.
But the only reason I didn't put it first is
because I feel like everybody knows it,
whereas I'm not sure everybody knows Gentleman Jack
so I wanted to like start with Gentleman Jack,
but if you haven't seen Sex Education,
oh my God, hello, hello.
The show centres around Otis
and his mom and his mom's a sex therapist.
Do I wanna be with her?
Do I wanna be her?
Do I wanna be her Someday?
And the students at Moordale Secondary School,
and it's just, it's just so good.
It's just so good.
Last show I'll talk about briefly is called Feel Good.
Feel Good is like a semi-autobiographical show
by May Martin.
May is a standup comedian.
In the show, they're exploring their sexuality,
their gender,
but mostly like trying to navigate the world
while struggling with addiction.
They're Canadian, living in the UK,
where they meet a woman who formally
identified as straight, but it's like a love story kind of.
This is a show that I watched
before I realised that I was gay.
I watched it again after I realised
and it really hit different.
I have one movie for the film section to recommend
to you all,
A Portrait of a Lady on Fire.
Okay, If you haven't seen this movie yet, this is your sign.
This is your sign to watch it, now, today.
This film is French, oh,
which I love
and it's just so beautiful.
Every shot.
Every shot is gorgeous.
It's like watching art.
It's a slow burn, a slow build, but the payoff,
the payoff.
I bawled so hard during the final scene of this movie.
Every single time I've seen it.
Oh.
This movie takes your heart and rips it
out of your chest. (laughs)
If you saw Ammonite or you've heard about Ammonite
and you had any feelings about Ammonite,
watch A Portrait of a Lady on Fire
because they did it right.
No offence to anybody who enjoyed Ammonite,
I think I ruined that movie
for myself because I'd already seen
A Portrait of a Lady on Fire like 10 times.
Watch it now.
Yes, and then last but not least,
let's talk about some stuff.
I just have a couple random things here.
The top physical item that I wanted to recommend
to you all is a thumb ring.
Are you gay?
Are you queer?
LGBTQ questioning?
Are you part of this community?
Are you a strong ally?
Sure, why not?
Get a thumb ring.
I feel like it is the easiest way to elevate any look.
I'm not a fashion person or expert
and that's why I wear a thumb ring
and I feel like, I just love it.
I think if you're looking to flag
to other queer people like, hey, I'm one of you,
the thumb ring is a very easy,
very subtle way to do that
and I would recommend getting one. (laughs)
And then the last thing that I wanted to mention goes back
to climbing, because climbing is my life.
I know that a lot of queer people are searching
for community, and like I said, climbing is gay.
People don't know it, but it is, okay.
It just is.
If you're interested in getting into climbing,
if you already do climb
and you're also looking to meet other queer people,
there are so many queer climbing events
and meetups that are out there if you look for them.
For example, here in Vancouver,
there's a climbing group called Bad Climbers.
It's like a female and fem climbing group.
I know there are queer climbing events like across the US.
I'm sure in the UK they would have them too.
It's just an idea,
just maybe something that you haven't specifically Googled
in your area.
So I thought I'd shout it out, and that is it
for my recommendations for this episode of Pleasure Trove.
I hope that you check some of this stuff out
and I hope that you find some gems.
All of the things that I talked about excite me so much.
I don't know if you can tell. (laughs)
Again, my name's Elena Joy.
I make content across the internet
about queer sex and dating and relationships
and what it means to find and live a queer identity.
I have a YouTube channel that you can check out.
My Instagram is mainly climbing
if you wanna follow me there.
And my TikTok is like for funsies. (laughs)
I also am launching a podcast with Ashley Gavin
and Mak Ingemi.
It's called Chosen Family
because we wanna be the queer family
that you might not have.
Again, that launches tomorrow,
so check the description for links to that.
That's it from me.
I hope that you're all having a lovely day.
Thank you so much for watching, and I hope I see you soon.
Bye.
(mid-tempo R&B music)