hey everyone and welcome to top think today we're gonna learn about seven signs that you have toxic
friendships now let's begin number one you give they take friendships should be a give and take
you should listen as much as you talk you should do favors as often as you ask for them but what
if you're doing all the giving and they're doing all the taking now this is a classic example of
an unbalanced or toxic friendship one friend that would be the giver is constantly making an effort
the other the taker just keeps asking for more so how does this kind of friendship develop well
more often than not it starts with the taker takers have a tendency to focus on themselves
they're so concentrated on their own needs that they forget to consider their friends but it's
more than just being selfish these toxic friends aren't respecting you as an individual they don't
value your time or effort as much as their own in their mind the friendship revolves entirely
around them imagine your characters in a movie your friend thinks they're the main character
they think the entire story is about them that means to them you're just a part of the supporting
cast unbalanced friendships like this they just never last givers almost always end up getting
tired of takers demands the problem is it can take years to realize that you need to leave a
friend behind if you suspect you're stuck in an unbalanced friendship we'll try this think about
the last time you did something nice for your friend did you buy them lunch maybe you picked
up some medicine for them when they were sick now think about the last time your friend did
something nice for you if you can't remember then your friendship might be lopsided so don't wait
to make a change don't let a toxic person robbed you of your valuable time you should never allow
your friends to treat you like a caretaker instead meet people who are willing to share the spotlight
that way you can foster healthy friendships that will actually last number two too much criticism
friends make fun of each other some tease more than others but no friendship is complete without
some playful jabs teasing is a natural way to grow closer to someone in fact it's one of the
best ways to show a friend that you trust them why well because you have to trust someone to
know these comments aren't meant to hurt you let's say a stranger insults your new haircut how would
you feel offended insecure maybe a little bit angry now if a friend said that to you the same
insult would be funny and playful but there is such a thing as too much criticism even from a
close friend think about how you and your friends interact when you tease each other what's it like
what did they tease you about do they focus on small superficial things or personal things like
your goals and choices does the teasing go back and forth or is it just your friend criticizing
you over and over again toxic friends tease in a malicious way they criticize important parts of
your life like your passions your insecurities and your relationships friendly teasing should focus
on tiny pointless things you tease a friend about their shoes or that time they spilled
food on themselves and it's also important that teasing goes both ways don't let yourself become a
punching bag unfortunately it can be hard to tell what someone's true intentions are a friend might
accidentally cross the line without trying to be toxic or vice versa the key is to pay attention to
how it makes you feel despite teasing each other friends should ultimately boost each other up if
their comments are crippling your confidence well then it's time to take your friendship elsewhere
number three lack of respect toxic people don't always hurt you or push you away some of the most
toxic friends wants you all to themselves these friends can't stand the idea of sharing you they
don't like when you spend time with other people they'll even lie to create conflict between you
and your other friends they'll say things like hey I heard him talking about you behind your
back to destroy your other relationships now you might be wondering why would anyone want
to do this this kind of toxicity stems from deep-rooted insecurities when they see you
having fun with other people they feel jealous or abandoned they think you'll like them less if you
enjoy other people's company those insecurities make them manipulative they'll start giving you
guilt trips or try to speak for you but you can't let toxic friends control you even if
you cut ties with everyone in your life it won't be enough their insecurities will never disappear
so don't cater to them no one should pull you away from your friends and family if they respected you
as a person they'd let you have a personal life outside of them at the end of the day that's what
it comes down to a lack of respect these friends don't respect you your friends or your family ask
yourself this as your friend ever gotten to know the people in your life or are they constantly
rude and distant this disrespect might extend even further you may notice them disrespecting
your belongings they'll leave behind messes and treat your things like trash this usually means
they don't care about your feelings or are too self-centered to notice either way you
your things and the people in your life deserve to be respected don't settle for anything less
number four short fuse there's your friend yell more than they talk if they've gotten especially
short fuse your friend might be displacing their anger onto you displacement is a psychological
defense mechanism that helps us cope with anger imagine you got an F on a paper you're obviously
mad about it but you can't yell at your teacher or you should instead you transfer your anger
elsewhere you take it out on siblings pets or in this case your friends unlike most items on this
list a short temper doesn't mean the friendship is over it's toxic but there are ways to fix it
start by trying to identify why your friend is so angry do they hate their job or maybe
they're having money troubles next let your friend know that you support them but only if they want
to talk instead of yelling in most cases this will do the trick but there are exceptions some
friends simply yell because they're Petty and immature they can't think of a more respectful
way to handle conflict but whether you like it or not their anger will rub off on you it can make
you feel pessimistic unmotivated and flustered an angry friend can instantly ruin your whole day so
don't let a toxic friend hold you back surround yourself with calm and happy people to keep your
life moving in a positive direction number 5 never texting first everyone communicates a little bit
differently some talk to their friends every day others do it once or twice a month so how
do you know if someone's communication skills are actually toxic the important part isn't how
often you talk it's who started it look at the last four or five exchanges that you had with
your friend whether it's texting calling or video chatting who initiated it if it's you every single
time well then you might have a problem lack of initiation suggests that your friend doesn't care
about you as much as you care about them if they did you wouldn't be doing all the heavy lifting
it's not your job to maintain the friendship so if you've initiated every conversation stay
silent make them work for it if they don't you'll know they weren't interested in staying friends
number six back and forth there's your friendship come and go and waves are you really close for a
few weeks and then suddenly start fighting all the time volatile friendships will weigh you
down they bring all kinds of unnecessary stress and drama into your life but you shouldn't have
to wonder about the status of your friendship each day your friends should be a constant in
your life you should be able to rely on them when you need to someone who's combative or volatile
can't give you that consistent support but the hardest thing about having this kind of friend
is getting rid of them just when you're ready to cut them loose they'll go back to being your
best pal they'll be upbeat fun and supportive you'll stop fighting and go back to spending
every second together you'll convince yourself they've changed until it all falls apart again
so if you've got a volatile friend it's up to you to break the cycle number 7 competitiveness
when you share your accomplishments with your friend what do they say are they supportive and
happy for you or do they try to one-up you toxic friends can be extremely competitive
they don't want to admit it but your success might make them feel inadequate they'll brag
just to cover up their insecurities why because your approval matters to them it may matter more
than anyone's this is actually a very natural feeling we want our friends to be proud of us
we want their acknowledgement in reality your friend might just admire you or find
you intimidating they're constantly competing to prove to you that they're good enough now of
course that isn't always the case sometimes toxic people develop superiority complexes around their
friendships they only spend time with people they think they're better than and that way they get
an ego boost whenever you're around imagine you're insecure about your looks you might
purposely hang out with people who aren't good looking this makes you seem better by comparison
because you're the good-looking friend that title will give you confidence but this isn't
really friendship it's using your friends like pawns you're not valuing them as individuals
so if your friend doesn't want the best for you spend your time with people who do hey thank you
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