How much would your life improve if you knew how to stop taking things so personally?
I can help you to get to a point where you're taking things far less personally.
We're going to have to start with preparing your brain.
That's step one.
I've got 2 important steps for you related to your thinking.
One more about your moral responsibility and then finally, we'll wrap up with you as the
author of your own life.
Let's jump in.
-The first thing you want to do is breathe.
-Breathe.
Yeah, how does that feel just to hear us say that?
Because your mind is designed to take care of you, there are defense mechanisms built-in.
So, if you sense any kind of threat like if you're taking something personally, it's going
to create this threat.
And then your brain goes into what we call fight or flight mode.
-And as long as you're in that fight or flight mode, you can't really detach from it.
-Right.
-You do take it personally.
I had a situation just today where I had a co-worker come up and say, "Hey, I don't know
how to deal with this person.
Have I done something?
She's always upset with me."
I kind of helped to just calm down say, "You know, here's somethings that happened to her
life recently.
It's not actually about you."
So, when you take a breath, you can realize that's probably not as much about you.
-And there are breathing techniques that you could actually practice to get yourself out
of fight or flight mode into relaxation mode.
There's other things you can do too.
But just remember to breathe.
And whatever that means for you.
You take a little time out, you get a little a little break.
You do some relaxation techniques or breathing exercises.
Let's reclaim the brain because we're going to need that for the other steps.
Great.
Now that we've got you calmed down which is an important first step, let's go to that
next step which is to turn on your brain.
Turn on your thinking.
And specifically, go to that level of metacognition.
Remember, metacognition is thinking about thinking.
Become aware of what's going on and start to track that and observe and notice what's
going on in your own thinking.
This will put you in a position to do a better job with the other steps that we're going
to cover next to help you take things less personally.
Now that we've got you thinking and you turned on that metacognition to think about your
thinking, notice this: Every offense has both a personal and an impersonal component.
What do I mean by that?
There is something personal about this.
I tell you what.
If it's happening to you, then it's personal.
And that's the personal part of it.
It is you.
That's personal.
But there's also an impersonal component in every offense.
That's the part that's not about you.
That's the part about how things happen or choices or made by other people that affect
other people and it might include you.
It's not about you.
It just happens to be you.
That's the personal side.
If I'm walking down the street minding my own business and 2 guys pull-over in a muscle
car, jump out, beat me up, steal my wallet and my phone, and then drive-off; how was
that about me?
Well, it is me.
It's my phone.
it's my wallet, it's my bruises.
That's the personal side.
How is it not about me?
Well, it doesn't matter that it was me.
I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Could've been anybody walking down the street at that point?
It's not about me.
So, the personal and the impersonal.
To take things less personally, we have to reframe the experience in our mind.
And you can't even do that until you start thinking.
That's why I'm glad we've got you thinking.
Reframe the experience in a way that allows you to take it less personally.
Focus on the impersonal part of it.
The part that's not about you.
It's going to start changing how you feel.
Step number 4, you are never wrong about how you feel.
I'll say that again.
Just in case you missed it.
From a clinical psychologist, you are never wrong about how you feel.
How you feel is 100% consistent with the way your mind is processing your experiences.
We've talked about that in other videos here on the channel.
So, with that preface, here's step number 4: Take full responsibility for how you feel.
I'm not saying that you take the blame for what just happened.
I'm saying take full responsibility for your feelings.
As you come to a more full understanding about how to operate the equipment of your own mind
and see that you are responsible for your feelings, not for what happened, that allows
you to move from, "Ooh!
That person makes me so mad" to "I'm feeling upset because of how I'm thinking about this."
I know.
Who talks like that, right?
But I want you to take full responsibility for how you feel.
This puts you back into control.
And even though you don't control this situation, your reaction to it is now under your control
because you've stopped blaming someone else.
And you've taken responsibility for that process.
This puts you back in a position of choice.
I've said this many times --"Until you see it's a choice, it's not."
So, use that metacognitive ability (thinking about your own thinking) to put you back into
a position of choice as you take full responsibility for how you feel.
One of the things that happens when we take things too personally is that we create a
story in our mind.
And it's cast by certain characters and they all fill certain roles.
You know what I'm talking about?
-I do.-And usually, when we take things personally, we cast ourselves as a victim.
-"Oh, everything is against me.
Everyone is against me."
-Right?
The poor, pitiful victim role.
Well, that doesn't suit you very well.
So, for this step, we're going to create a new story.
-And in the story, you get to be the hero.
-Right?
I mean if you're the casting director, why not pick the best role?
This is where you get to show up as an amazing hero who's resources and talents have got
you through this difficult situation that you were taking personally before.
This is a powerful way to change the narrative in your own mind.
And that changes how you feel.
Everything that we've covered in this video takes some practice.
And it takes some reprogramming.
I get it.
It's kind of hard.
You're probably going to need some support.
And I want you to know about a powerful resource that you can engage in immediately.
It's called Live On Purpose Central.
Go.liveonpurposecentral.com.
That's where you're going to find some resources that will you to not only take things less
personally but to powerup every aspect of your life.
Come over to Live On Purpose Central.