- How managing money can make or break a relationship.
Uh, we are rolling here.
Money and marriage.
You know the number one reason
for couple conflict and divorce?
It's money argument.
Truly, it's money argument.
You cannot take money out of marriage
just because of the society that we live in, right?
Now, so when it comes to money,
I do get so many questions from you about,
okay so, Dan, how did you guys
manage your finance as a couple?
Do you make those decisions together?
Do you sometimes have, do you have separate account?
What if we're not couple?
We're not married yet, how does that work?
How do you know how much you should disclose?
All these questions, we're gonna talk about that.
So first, I think it's very important that,
as a couple, that you have the same value.
- Yes.
- And same belief systems, right?
Because I think, with the type of work that I do,
I believe every person has a,
what I call money blueprint, okay?
You have one, your partner has one.
- Yup.
- And chances are, they pick up their blueprint
from their parents.
- Exactly. - Most of the time.
So let me give you example.
So let's say my money blueprint, as I was younger,
although my family, my dad,
kind of like a middle class, right?
Reasonable amount of money.
Actually, at one point, he had a lot of money,
because of my granddad, the inheritance from him.
But he lost all of that money.
But there was a period of time when I was very young,
maybe just seven, eight years old,
that I do feel wealthy and abundant, right?
My dad had a Mercedes,
back then, I'm talking 80s. - Wow.
- With the cellphone, like a car.
When there's a mobile phone in the car, like that.
He had one of those things.
He had one of those big, huge,
you know, the brick kind of phone, right?
He was the very first to have that, and we always,
growing up, I always had a maid in Hong Kong,
to take care of everything.
So, as a young guy, because I had
a lot of relatives and aunts,
so growing up, during Chinese New Year, right,
where I would get a lot of those red pocket money.
So I always have plenty of money in my mind.
So I have so much money,
like I could get the toys that I want,
I don't need to beg my parents to get it.
I have enough money, just from the pocket money accumulate,
if you watch my other story, I talk about how I make money
during the happy Chinese New Year, right?
I know, so at a young age, I know how to kind of make money
and do all these things,
and so because of that,
I always have this abundant mentality.
In my mind, my money blueprint,
there's always plenty of money.
I always have money with me, right?
Now, on the other hand, if your partner
has a different money blueprint, that they are the savers,
right, they're a little bit more frugal, or their parents,
the way they were brought up,
then you would have a little bit of conflict,
because this is abundance mindset,
and you have a partner that has a scarcity mindset.
That's a different money mismatch, money blueprint.
So let's say when you were growing up with your parents,
what was that like?
- Well, I got to say, my grandma and grandpa
from my mom's side, they were very frugal.
- Very frugal. - 'Cause they came from
very tough time back in China. - China, yeah.
- So they cannot have enough food, don't have shelter,
so they have to work really hard for everything.
Although, my grandma right now,
she's quote-unquote pretty rich, grandma,
but then she's super frugal.
She doesn't even wanna afford a maid to clean up the house,
she's doing it by herself, everything,
just holds on all the cash, money,
but then on the other hand, my dad,
which my dad's side of grandma and grandpa,
although they don't have much money
because my grandma from my dad's side,
she was a,
kind of like a, you know,
those kind of rich family.
Yeah, yeah.
So they were kind of like a big family back then in China
and then so she would always teach my dad
how to appreciate good things or have the good food
and then how to--
- The finer things in life.
- Exactly. - Yup.
- So my dad had a little bit from my grandma,
but my mom was super frugal, so when they get married,
they constantly fight for money a lot.
And then my dad was trying to teach my mom
how to appreciate new things.
Of course, over the time, it's getting better,
but in the very beginning time, it was not.
- Yeah, 'cause if you have the abundance mindset,
and say you're always like, okay, I'm a spender.
- Yeah. - And then you have a
partner that's a saver.
- Yeah.
- You've got, that's a mismatch in money blueprint,
you'll always have this conflict.
It's a source of conflict, right?
Let's go on the vacation!
- Yes.
- No, you don't go on the vacation,
let's save for the rainy day.
I wanna go on the vacation.
You have this thing going on,
so I think being able to communicate and share,
kinda appreciate both, 'cause you need both.
Right? - Yes, yes.
- But also-- - Find a balance point.
- Find a balance, and knowing that
you have a money blueprint,
usually picked up by the parents,
and then knowing that, you got to communicate,
and knowing that, you have to share the same value and goals
of where you want to go.
- Exactly.
- So example would be,
the spender say, you know what, I want to,
I like the finer things in life.
Right?
You need to show the saver,
fine, you could have the finer things,
but how can you do that and enjoy that
without putting our security in jeopardy?
Without risking the money that we have?
You can't just, I'll go into debt,
and forget about this, I'll worry about it later.
No, no, no.
You gotta have a plan for the savers to know,
yes, we can take vacation.
However, only if we have enough money saved up.
We have our investment, our financial future's secure,
we could do that.
- Yeah.
And also goes back to your value,
value system or value beliefs,
there's always one part of the things,
everybody just spend big bucks on it.
- Yeah.
- Stupid money.
You know-- - Yeah, we all have
one of those, right? - We all have one,
so some ladies, maybe shoes or bags or clothes.
For guys, maybe--
- Maybe watches, maybe--
- Phones, or maybe camera. - Phones, maybe technology.
- Or maybe toys.
- Toys, video games, I don't spend--
- Yeah, maybe toys.
- Money on toys.
- Stupid money on toys.
- That's called a very wise
return on investment. - Exactly, see?
See, that's what I'm talking about.
So, everybody has that, and then you have to know
the other partner, what is their big spending area?
- Yeah.
- Give them a little bit of room.
Not too much.
But give them a little bit of room for them to fulfill,
get satisfaction from it, right?
- True, don't be so, even if you're a saver
kind of blueprint, but you have to spend on something,
right, you got to, oh you know what,
maybe we're making this much,
I'll give you this much for you to,
it's called play money.
You can use that, you know, do your thing.
You wanna golf, you wanna vacation, you wanna buy the toys,
you wanna buy the stereo, you wanna buy the TV,
buy the whatever, games, whatever, do that, it's okay.
But then, you know, think about all the money,
we got to think about our future as well, right?
Invest in the future.
I think that's very important, so number one,
understand your blueprint,
appreciate both each other's blueprint and communicate.
Second thing is, I get this question a lot,
so who should be in charge of the money?
Like if I'm the man of the family,
I'm the one that's bringing in the most amount of money,
does that mean I manage all the finance,
or does it mean, that my wife, you don't touch the finance?
Or on the other hand, you have successful woman
that's bringing the money,
and then oh, you know, man, you just take care of the kids,
you don't touch the money.
What's the answer?
Is it man or is it woman?
I'll give you the answer.
It's very simple.
I believe money is attracted
to those who know how to multiply it.
Money is attracted to those who know how to multiply it.
So what I believe in is, within the household,
it could be the wife, it could be the husband.
Who knows how to multiply the best
should be in charge of the money.
It's that simple.
So, it could be that, I have friends of mine
where the husband is the one that's making the money,
but the wife is much better at managing and investing it.
Like, she could be good with real estate,
she could be good with investing in stocks, whatever,
she's much better at multiplying it and managing it,
then the wife should be managing it.
The husband, man, would just focus on bringing in the money.
That's a very good relationship.
On the other hand, vice versa, you have maybe a woman
that's very good at making it,
she's also very good at managing it.
If she's good at both,
then she should be in charge of the finance.
It's very simple.
Who is better at it?
There's no ego involved, because you're working as a unit,
you want the unit to do better as a couple,
so there's no ego,
oh, I'm the one that's making the money,
I'm supposed to be in charge, right?
- You don't have no say-- - Or I'm the one making money,
I know how to spend it.
- I want to spend it whatever damn way I want.
- Exactly.
- No, if you know how to make it,
'cause I see entrepreneurs all the time,
where they know how to make it,
they are very lousy at keeping it.
- Yes. - Right?
You look at their net worth and finance,
it's like this, you don't want that.
So you have to recognize your own weakness,
'cause chances are, not all the time,
but chances are, most people who are very good at making it,
usually, they are not very good at keeping it.
That's from my experience, right?
Now, with us, this is kind of a little bit of exception,
I happen to be very good at making it, managing it,
and investing it.
That's what I do, right?
That's my thing, that's my gift.
So it's yes, I do manage my finances,
I do control where the money goes.
However, I always consult with my wife.
- Exactly.
So this is basically a bonus point,
is whoever is the one multiplying the money,
you have to sell your vision, your plan to the other partner
to have to get their trust 100%
before you guys moving forward together.
That is very, very important.
You cannot just make decision,
oh, you said let me in charge, I'll make the decision.
I don't need to talk to you, this is what I'm gonna do.
You can't do that. - And unfortunately,
you hear these stories where, it could be the husband,
the alpha man, that they make a lot of money,
it could be millions of dollars,
and then they make some stupid investments,
and the ego stops them from talking about it,
they don't want to communicate.
So the wife doesn't know.
The wife is still doing what she does,
housewife taking care of the kids,
do all the stuff that you do, right?
Or maybe even spending money, right?
And the husband's stressed out,
what you don't know is, you know what,
I made a bad investment,
I'm now millions of dollars in debt.
- Yes.
- Because face, we don't want to talk about it,
conflict happens, right?
- Now it's too late.
- And then suddenly, you know what, wife,
we're two months away from bankruptcy,
the wife was like, what the hell is going on?
How come you didn't communicate?
- You can't drag your other partner through this.
- You cannot do that.
- Yeah.
- So, every big investment that I,
for every single investment, for the big investment,
even actually me, for small things, I will still,
even to buy, like stupid money, like a toy, a figure,
I will say, oh, you know, I'm gonna buy this.
- Did you?
- I didn't buy it yet.
- Have you?
- Not yet.
- Okay.
- But I will. - 'Cause you never told me.
- But I will, but I will.
So, because of that, you always communicate.
That, to me, is a sign of respect.
- Yes.
- It's truly a sign of respect.
Now, I could buy something for a couple thousand bucks,
really do I, like she won't even notice.
- No, I won't. - But.
But I will say, you know what, I'm gonna buy this,
I'm gonna invest in this, invest in this.
- In a toy?
- In a toy, right.
They do go up in value, I'm telling you, man.
I'm telling you.
- My god.
- Anyway...
So, that kind of thing, right?
So that, communication is a sign of respect,
I think it's pretty important.
When you do that, you won't have those issues.
- Yes.
- And, one thing about us,
when we have a win, let's say we close a deal,
we have a windfall of money,
or some investment made money,
or whatever it is, we always celebrate as a couple.
So then, we make this money, great!
Let's take some of that, right, a percentage, yeah.
Let's just blow it.
I'm going to get something that I've always wanted to get,
you're gonna get something you always,
no guilt, it's like, you know,
honey, we're just gonna spend some money, right?
I'm gonna buy that watch, you're gonna buy that bag, right?
It's okay.
10k, let's do it.
We don't think about it, that's okay.
So that celebration, I think it's good for the relationship.
Now I'm not saying you gotta spend 10k,
whatever it is for you,
or maybe go out for a nice dinner.
- Yeah. - Right, right?
Or that, whatever it is, but as a couple,
they celebrate the win.
Remember, success breeds success.
Now, you have that, a celebration.
Now, after that, just sit down and it's,
okay, how can we have more of this?
Right?
How can we continue this momentum of success?
See, now the money accumulates.
I'm telling you, when we were growing the company, right?
When we were building the business, building the empire,
even though there were some ups and downs,
there was always the challenging times.
- Yes.
- But we didn't fight.
We didn't fight over money,
we're just focusing on solutions,
hey, you know, even me, I made bad investment,
I lost a lot of money, but she never said
oh, you're stupid, why did you do that?
I thought you're this smart businessman.
Why did you make those moves?
Why did you, you should have known better.
She never said, okay,
well, it kind of, we lost the money, you know,
what have we learned from that?
- Yup. - I said okay,
next time, I'll make sure I don't do that anymore.
Okay, then you know, we move on.
So that's money and marriage.
You cannot separate the two.
And as a man, you know, as you know,
and as a woman, same thing, divorce is very costly.
Divorce in North America is very costly, okay?
So part of it, that communication,
I think of that as, it's not just,
oh, I don't want to communicate,
that's an investment.
'Cause communication is a lot cheaper than a divorce.
- Yes.
- Okay?
A lot cheaper.
So you gotta communicate, right?
Yeah.
So those are the tips.
Money, marriage, how managing your money
can make or break the relationship.
It truly could.
Comment below, let us know your thoughts.
What's your relationship with money?
What's your money blueprint?
What's your partner's money blueprint?
And maybe how this video has helped you resolve
some of those issues.
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