[music playing]
Every year for Halloween, I send my executive producer Andy
to a haunted house.
[applause]
He gets so scared that I have to send someone to hold his hand.
And this year, one of my viewers suggested
that I send Sarah Paulson.
I don't know if you remember, but I scared Sarah Paulson, not
one, not two, but three times.
Since she was so brave, I sent her and Andy
to the Universal Studios Halloween Horror Night's
American Horror Story Maze.
Hi, Ellen.
Sarah Paulson.
Hi.
You know her.
We love her.
Ridiculously talented actress.
I'm not sure what love means to you people.
So here we are.
And--
Just keep talking for a long time, because then
when don't have to go in.
We are at the American Horror Story haunted house.
So you're obviously familiar with what's gonna happen.
And so you're gonna take the lead.
No, I'm not.
Here's my advice.
You're giving me advice?
You're the worst.
I know what's gonna happen.
You're gonna jump and squeal.
And you're gonna make noises like my grandma.
OK.
So now, we just stay calm.
How much far into it does it start?
[inaudible]
I need you to be the strong.
Well, you're picked the wrong girl.
Just try and toughen up.
I really am gonna puke.
Listen, if you're the tough one, it makes for better TV.
OK.
I'll try to do that, because I definitely
want give you good television.
OK.
Wait is something gonna happen right away?
No, no, no.
They never hit you right away.
How do you know?
Because I've done these every year.
I don't like you.
That's-- I need you to be stronger.
No, no, no.
Come on.
OK, so that's it.
They're spreading it out.
Not real.
You're not real.
You're not Kathy Bates.
[bleep]
God [bleep].
I hate you so much.
Did she spit?
What is that?
That wasn't bad.
This was really bad so far to me.
I didn't expect that second--
Stop.
You need to be calmer.
I thought that was something.
They're not doing paintings this year.
Painting, real.
They are doing paintings this year.
You are the meanest person.
OK, oh, cute.
Special effects, just like your show.
Hi.
I got you.
Yeah, you got me?
You have nothing.
I really am not a fan.
See, the sound sometimes throws you off--
OK, I'm back.
I don't eat pork.
See how I stood by you?
Yeah, you [bleep] [bleep] left me.
Sometimes you have to retreat.
Wait, you guys.
OK, table.
Who is it?
They never do it twice.
So now, we know, the right.
They never do it twice.
I feel unaccompanied.
I'm here.
I don't feel you are.
But they won't do it again they.
Never do it twice.
You don't do it twice.
Andy--
They knew.
If you're gonna lie to me, this is not gonna well.
That's not supposed to be that way
and I'm gonna talk to supervisors.
OK.
Good.
Fine.
Come this way.
I don't think I should follow you anymore.
Do you want to leave?
OK, I feel like we can--
What is there?
With the [bleep] pig.
What is that?
Andy.
Oh my god.
Is there more.
No.
That's fine.
Clock radio.
Nothing.
Not a clock radio.
Clock radio.
Also know as old timey painting.
Something's gonna happen.
[inaudible]
Painting.
Real.
Not real.
It's the same lady from before.
Come on.
The sooner we're done-- this is a guy who works here.
This guy works here.
Sarah, safety.
[inaudible] hair.
Look how serious he is.
There's no fun with this one.
You shouldn't be scared.
Why?
I'm spitting a little.
I have a really dry throat.
And I'm not into these.
No.
I'm not into these.
Because you don't know what's coming.
Watch.
See the hole?
Watch that hole.
This is so--
It's so [bleep], right?
This is the worst [bleep] thing that ever [bleep]
happened to me.
OK.
Is this almost done?
Are you kidding me?
Back.
OK, just look for props.
Props are fine.
Just props.
A lot of times they try and distract you--
with a [bleep] pig.
Stop.
We're good.
We're almost done.
How do you know?
I feel like--
I feel like we've been in here a week.
[inaudible]
That's an ax.
Stop it.
That is an ax.
And it's unacceptable.
And you go back.
What the [bleep]?
No.
We gotta get in front.
Oh, sorry you're not getting your shot.
Stop it.
You came out here already.
Like five times.
We made the ending pig [bleep].
That's it.
Nailed it.
We did it.
I'm not gonna say it gets to be more fun every year, Ellen.
But Sarah was a real trooper in there.
No, I wasn't.
You were terrible.
[inaudible]
I'm not happy with you.
What do you want to Ellen?
Ellen?
Yeah.
Who the [bleep] is Ellen?
Also, I'm coming for you.
We're coming for you.
Coming for you.
[applause]
Thank you, Andy.
Thank you, Sarah.
[music playing]