- Today my kid kicks us in the balls.
- Let's talk about that.
(funky electronic music)
(fire crackles)
Good Mythical Morning.
- A quick reminder that we get weird every single day
over on Instagram and Instagram stories
so follow us over there @rhettandlink.
- Now we have done a lot of things on the show
involving testicles, mostly it's us eating them,
so today we're gonna do something a little different
with the old crotch nugs.
We're gonna protect 'em. - Right.
And you might be thinking,
you guys have already had vasectomies,
your gonads are practically worthless, and you're right,
but they carry a lot of sentimental value for us, okay?
- Yeah.
- It also means our crotches are the
perfect crash test dummies.
It's time for Buy It, Break It, Rate It: Jockstrap Edition.
- We have concocted (clears throat) a series
of unique tests to determine which jockstrap cup combo
is the best and in each round, we're gonna eliminate one
until only the best remains.
- The jockstraps that we've chosen are the Shock Doctor
Core Jock Strap Supporter
with BioFlex Protective Sports Cup for $14.99.
- [Link] The Diamond MMA Athletic Cup Groin Protector
and 4-Strap No Shift Jock Stray for $29.95.
- [Rhett] The Low Bloo Thai Cup 2.0 Professional MMA
Cup Groin Guard for $44.99.
- [Link] The McDavid Athletic Supporter Jock Strap
with Protective Cup for $14.00
- And the Mueller Adult Athletic Supporter with Flexshield
for $9.99.
Why do cups have to have so many names?
- They're compensating for something.
- (chuckles) Yeah they are.
- To the junk smashing zone.
(rock music)
When I go bowling, I like to straddle
the ball-dispensing machine and wait for my ball to pop out.
It is a great way to assert dominance over the lane,
but you better be cupped up.
- Right so we have invited five semi-naked volunteers
who are each sporting their own jockstrap.
- Thank you guys. - And inside of
all these jockstraps are two tomatoes
for proportional accuracy. (chuckles)
- Also color accuracy. - Right.
- We have rigged up five pendulums with a bowling ball
attached to the end, it's gonna swing,
and it's gonna be a lot of fun.
This is much harsher than a dispenser at a bowling alley,
but life is harsh and this is important.
I'm gonna release the balls and see if we get a strike.
- All right Link.
Okay, three, two, one, release!
(rock music)
(both laugh)
(slow motion laughing)
- Oh whoa! - Okay!
Wow.
It's a rough day.
- I'm gonna stay back here.
Hello.
Oh that's, these guys were split in two!
- (chuckles) That guy's still standing.
- Be modest, Shock Doctor.
- I don't think he is the Shock Doctor,
I think he just wears one.
Now the first thing I notice is--
- [Link] He's the only one that's still standing.
- Is that there's some juice coming down the leg.
Now you definitely don't, that's a bad sign
after you get hit in the nuts.
You don't want that to happen but he is still standing.
Let's see what-- - Yeah do the honors, Rhett.
- Let's see what's inside the Shock Doctor's package.
- Okay. - Oh.
- It's like Christmas. - Oh look at that.
Just two pretty in tact.
- Pretty and in tact.
- Just I mean we've got-- - They're both cracked.
- [Rhett] This is a little painful to consider.
- Okay. - So all right.
- Just sit 'em on there. - Slightly cracked.
Move that out of the way. - Move it out of the way here.
- [Rhett] Gonna bring in the Mueller, okay.
- Mueller's looking pretty good.
I don't see any runnage.
- Oh, oh no.
We've got, no this is more than a little.
Oh gosh.
That's not gonna work anymore.
Whatever's inside of a testicle that makes it go,
it's gone. (laughs)
- I know what that is, but this one's in tact so--
- Okay all right. - One for two on that one.
- All right now the Lo Bloo.
Okay, whoa.
Ope, they're still in there.
Ooh this is-- - A little juice on the right.
- [Rhett] This might be our best yet.
- Okay, we're only looking for the worst though.
- Right, the Lo Bloo's-- - So that's pretty good.
- Great.
The McDavid.
Okay.
There's only one ball. - Oh goodness.
So here's the other one.
It fell out but it's completely in tact.
- Yeah but it's detached. (laughs)
- Good point. - I mean,
if it's, I don't care how well it works.
If it's not attached to you, it's no good.
- I'm gonna put that one over here 'cause the McDavid--
- McDavid is in last place right now 'cause it couldn't even
hold the balls in.
Now, I already got a piece of tomato just in my hand
from touching it.
- Oh wow. - Oh, oh, ooh.
- That is smooshed. - Wow.
That is bad.
- Both of these are, so would you rather have
two smooshed ones or lose one?
- I always was told when I was a kid that NFL kickers
had one of their testicles removed for flexibility.
- Right and this is a good way to do it.
That's why I think we eliminate this one
because there's a reason you have two testicles,
it's called redundancy.
- Okay I can't argue with that.
I mean I could but I won't. (laughs)
So we're going to eliminate the Diamond.
(rock music)
Now a good jockstrap isn't just
about protecting your twinkle berries,
you wanna be able to move around in that thing
and feel good about it which is why we created
the perfect flexibility test.
- A ball firing jockstrap sling shot.
- Yes. - And of course,
the balls that we're gonna be firing are coated
in blue paint.
Because this might be frustrating to watch.
- I get it.
Now to keep consistent,
I'm going to be firing each one of these
and whichever one causes the least splatter,
meaning the jockstrap that generates the least stretch power
will be the worst performing jockstrap
and will be eliminated, 'cause you know, science.
Let's do this, Link.
Okay.
- Gingerly place the blue ball.
- Okay and here we go.
- Oh, kinda low.
Not a lot of splatter with that one, whoops.
- We made contact though, that's all that's important.
All right.
Now we're going to the Mueller.
- Okay Mueller, show us what you got.
There she goes. - Okay.
- [Link] All right fresh ball.
- [Rhett] Fresh jockstrap.
(mimics whip lash)
- All right.
What is that, Shock Doctor?
- [Rhett] The Shock Doctor, back for another round.
- Mm-hmm. - Okay.
I think that's maximum splatter so far.
- Oh yeah that one looks good.
And finally, (sighs) the Lo Bloo.
- Should we tell the people at Lo Bloo that
you wouldn't think that you pronounce that as Low Blow?
Okay here we go, this one's a little tricky.
Look at that, look how far it comes back.
- Whoa.
- Oh! (laughs) - You hit the wrong one!
- And I got some in my eye!
- Okay so it's down to the McDavid and the Mueller.
But this one's, the Mueller's a little tighter.
- Yeah there's actually a lot of splatter here.
I don't know if you can see it on camera,
but it goes out pretty far and this is pretty isolated.
So I think we're going to have to say
that the Mueller is being eliminated.
(rock music)
Jockstraps protect baseball players from baseballs,
hockey players from hockey pucks
and magicians from angry rabbits.
- And our three remaining jockstraps have been filled with
hot dogs covered in ketchup and mustard
and some relish.
- Yeah because sometimes it's not just about
protecting the berries, you gotta protect the twig as well.
- And by the twig you mean a hot dog.
- And by the hot dog I mean wiener.
- Yes, and we're gonna fire batting cage baseballs
at 'em because we don't have any pucks or rabbits.
- Whichever hot dog is the most damaged,
that jockstrap will be eliminated.
Let's do this.
- All right we're all fired up!
I'm going for the hockey player first!
(whimsical music)
Oh yeah!
I think it got the right testicle.
- All right.
- All right, going for the baseball player.
Oh yeah!
- And the magician.
- Oh yeah!
He's going down!
All right.
- Okay we lost our magician.
Let's pick him back up.
- [Link] All right bring him over.
- And now let's check his crotch.
- [Link] Okay.
Oh gosh, there's a...
It's in tact.
How do you get that dog out?
- Oh gosh. - Okay.
That looks pretty good. - Yeah, I mean,
I'd feel safe.
- [Link] Yeah very nestled in.
- Mine looked like that after that kind of event.
- All right but the baseball player.
- Oh that's real flat.
Real flat and, it's still in tact.
- Yes. - We don't have any severage.
- And then-- - The Shock Doctor.
- The Shock Doctor, oh.
Hold the top, gotta get the bottom.
- [Rhett] Oh, oh, oh, wow, look at that.
Complete bun separation. - That thing is peeking out.
- Oh man we've got complete bun separation.
We've got a little bit of wiener scruts. (chuckles)
- Wiener what? - Wiener crush.
I've just never said those words together.
A little bit of wiener crushage.
- All right so the Shock Top versus--
- No, there's no question.
It's not called a Shock Top, that's a beer.
It's the Shock Doctor and as much as I would like
to keep saying Shock Doctor,
I'm afraid this one is going home.
(rock music)
- So our mannequin volunteers walked off.
I don't know why or how actually
so it's up to our crotches to find a winner.
And our two remaining jockstrap cup combos are
Lo Bloo and McDavid.
- And this final round is perhaps the most important test
of them all and that's why we invited Shepherd to be here.
Shepherd, tell the people at home what you're about to do.
- I'm gonna kick you in the balls.
- Now I asked Lando to help us out and kick me in the balls
and he said no actually.
He also asked me to re-evaluate my career choices.
(Rhett and Shepherd chuckle)
I'm gonna do that later but right now, Shep,
will you also please kick me in the balls?
- I'll be happy.
- He will be happy. - He will be happy.
- Okay. - Okay so,
Shep's gonna kick each one of us in the balls.
We're going to rate the pain on a scale of one to 10
and of course, whichever one protects the best
is our overall best cup.
- We are both currently wearing the Lo Bloo,
okay and then we're both gonna switch to the McDavid,
so we're both gonna kicked twice.
I don't know why we designed it that way.
- Okay Shep, get wherever you feel comfortable.
Just, oh gosh.
- First of all, you gotta move your hand, Rhett.
- I am, I'm just making sure-- (Shepherd laughs)
That this is, I feel so vulnerable, son.
Now just give me like a three, two, one and then do it
and just go easy on your dad.
- (chuckles) Three.
- Are you looking at his balls or you looking at his face?
Look at what you're aiming at.
- Three, two, one.
(thumps) (Rhett groans)
(Shepherd laughs)
- You jumped before he hit it good, man.
How'd that feel?
- Ah, it was a lot scarier than it was painful.
- The problem with me is, I'm shorter than you.
- Great.
- All right who's your favorite uncle?
(Shepherd laughs)
- Not you.
(Rhett, crew laugh)
- Okay Link, assume the position.
- Three, two, one.
- Oh, there it is!
Bulls eye! - All right.
I felt pretty well protected so I'm going
to give that a two out of 10.
- Well it's gonna be relative to the other experience
but I'm giving mine a five. - Okay.
That was stout. - Well done, son.
All right let's put on the other jockstrap.
- Okay now we're strapped in with the McDavids.
- All right Shep, you ready to do this again?
- Mm-hmm.
- Are you enjoying this?
- Mm-hmm.
(Rhett chuckles)
- Okay give me the count and let me have it.
- Three, two, one.
(Rhett groans)
(Shepherd chuckles)
- That looked like a good one!
- (groans) Okay, a little (grunts).
That might be a four.
That's definitely twice as bad as it was the first time.
- Oh but still not breaking five?
- No, 'cause if you ever been kicked in the nuts
with no cup, that's a 10.
I'm saving that.
- All right Shep.
I'm just gonna ask that you aim true, buddy.
Okay.
- Three, two, one.
- Oh! (Rhett laughs)
Oh gah (whimpers).
- Hey, that was a good one, son.
That was a good one.
- Well.
- I'm so proud of you.
You wanna do it again? - Mm-hmm.
- I gotta take a knee.
- You see how he's talking higher like that.
That's great, you did great.
Okay Link, what's your score?
- I mean I'm having a, I'm having a eight experience.
Like I think the top of the cup was just jammed
into my pubis.
- Oh, is the pubis a thing?
- Not anymore. (Rhett laughs)
(buzzer buzzes)
- Okay well the scores are in and that means
that the Lo Bloo is the best cup on the market
according to Good Mythical Morning testing.
- You did great, Shep.
- Thanks for liking, commenting and subscribing.
You say you know what time it is.
- You know what time it is.
- Hi I'm Emma. - And I'm Bailey.
And we're at Bryant-Denny Stadium.
- [Together] And it's time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality.
Roll Tide!
- Roll Tide. - Tide Pods.
- Click the top link to watch us eat some smashed nuts
in Good Mythical More.
- And to find out where the wheel's gonna land.
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