In the 1970’s, one of the most popular books published was Body Language by Julius Fast.
It’s been revised and updated over the years and you can still get it on Amazon. At the
time, I recall it was considered “revolutionary” as it brought a previously unnoticed aspect
of communication to the forefront: Nonverbal Communication.
Nonverbal communication is so much more than body language, however.
This video focuses on the importance of nonverbal communication in our everyday lives, starting
with A brief definition of nonverbal communication
(and how it differs from verbal communication), The impact of nonverbal communication on our
messages, How nonverbal and verbal messages interact,
and the role nonverbal plays in interpersonal relationships
To define nonverbal, it first makes sense to differentiate it from verbal communication.
“Verbal” communication means communication with words. Those words could be spoken or
written. Nonverbal communication means everything but
the words, including the tone of voice if you are using verbal communication.
A more academic definition is “The exchange of information through non-linguistic means.”
“Linguistic” means words. Therefore, nonverbal communication is communication without words.
Think about it this way: The words that I am using are verbal communication, while everything
else --my tone of voice, my eye contact, my gestures, my appearance—are nonverbal communication.
If you were to see my notes (need a picture of my notes), they would be made up of both
verbal communication (the words that are written down) and nonverbal communication (my handwriting,
any doodles I have). If when texting, you use emoticons either
instead of words or as an embellishment to what you wrote, you are using nonverbal communication.
Even what you are looking at on the screen--the colors, the font type of the text, the visual
image of an orangutan scratching his head in frustration trying to figure all this out—all
are examples of nonverbal communication. Another quick example. Let’s say you were
driving through Morocco, a country in North Africa. Unless you can read Arabic or French—which
I can’t—the words on these two freeway signs don’t make any sense. However, the
images alone—the nonverbal communication—are sufficient to communicate the messages of
don’t litter and don’t drive while sleepy. In 1967, Dr. Albert Mehrabian and his colleagues
published a study claiming that only 7% of a message’s meaning is communicated by the
words in the message—verbal communication—with the remaining 93% of the meaning coming from
nonverbal communication: 38% from voice and 55% from what he called, “general body language.”
Now this study has been questioned many times: Can we really say that, if you are relying
solely on words, that you are missing 93% of the message? Other scholars suggest other
percentages, ranging from 60% to 90% nonverbal. Regardless, it’s undeniable that nonverbal
communication has a huge impact on whether someone actually “gets” what we are communicating.
To better understand this, let’s turn to how verbal and nonverbal messages interact
with each other to provide meaning. First—and this definitely supports the stronger
impact of nonverbal communication—nonverbal messages can contradict verbal messages. Anthropologist
Ray Birdwhistell, credited with founding the study of kinesics, or body movement, used
the term, “Kinesic slips” to describe mixed messages, where the nonverbal message
contradicts the verbal message. Okay, all you masters of sarcasm out there:
If the words coming out of your mouth are, “Now that’s a great idea!” but they
are accompanied by an acerbic voice and a mocking facial expression (“Now that’s
a great idea”), you aren’t truly expecting the receiver to believe that you are endorsing
his or her proposal. And we do this—send contradictory messages—consciously and unconsciously.
Secondly, nonverbal messages can substitute for verbal messages. Anyone who has ever received
a single digit salute from a driver knows that you don’t have to hear any words to
know exactly what message is being communicated. When you can understand the meaning without
the word—especially like the A-Okay sign—it’s called an “emblem.” Other emblems can
be visual images, like the peace symbol very popular in the 1960’s.
Additionally, nonverbal messages can repeat and emphasize verbal messages; I’ve used
color, for example, to emphasize certain words on this slide. You say, “I’m so happy
to meet you,” at the same time you smile widely, inject enthusiasm in your voice, and
confidently shake hands—your nonverbal repeats the verbal. Or you use your gestures to illustrate
how big the fish that got away was. In this case, your nonverbal—again, especially if
it is a gesture—is called an “illustrator”—it helps illustrate what you are saying.
Finally, nonverbal communication can regulate the verbal communication—or the flow of
conversation. It allows turn-taking. When your voice rises to ask a question, it communicates
that it’s the other person’s turn to talk. Or we raise our palm to extend our “turn”
and prevent someone else from speaking. A slightly different take on this, combining
all of these concepts: If you were to go to a job interview and you wanted the interviewer
to know that you were competent and knowledgeable, you could say it with your words, but if your
nonverbal doesn’t support those words—you sound unsure, you’re not dressed professionally,
and so on—the interviewer is likely to believe the contradictory nonverbal message.
Or, you might not have to communicate it with your words if your nonverbal says it for you—your
voice is confident, you have strong eye contact—in other words, you appear competent and knowledgeable.
You could also use your nonverbal to support your verbal explanations.
And, based upon your nonverbal messages, your interviewer could ask more questions… or
cut the interview short. Why are we concerned about the role nonverbal
communication plays in interpersonal relationships? There are three main reasons:
First, we respond to and adapt to others through nonverbal messages. If your partner shows
displeasure by raising his voice, you will likely respond nonverbally by, perhaps, raising
your voice or, alternatively, withdrawing into yourself. If you smile at someone, you
are likely to get a smile in return. And, nonverbal messages are usually more believable
than verbal messages. When the verbal and the nonverbal messages contradict each other,
we are more likely to believe the nonverbal message. You’ve probably heard that, “Actions
speak louder than words.” Why? There are a variety of reasons, one being
that we think people have less control over their nonverbal communication. We think we
can catch someone in a lie by paying more attention to their nonverbal communication
than their verbal communication. Secondly, there is a lack of instruction in
nonverbal communication, meaning we don’t practice it as much. Think about the classes
we take in school: We are required to take lots of language classes all the way through
primary and secondary school, as well as in our colleges and universities. However, there
is very little, if any, formal instruction available in nonverbal communication and,
if there are any classes available, they are optional. So, we are taught to inform, persuade,
and--to some degree--deceive with words, but we are not taught to do the same with our
nonverbals. A third reason is that nonverbal communication
is the primary way we communicate feelings and attitudes. While we can omit any reference
to our feelings in our word choice, it’s difficult to strip out the emotional dimension
in our nonverbals. I’m sure you’ve heard someone say—and perhaps even you—“it’s
not what he said, but how he said it.” It’s the nonverbals, then, that cause you to draw
a particular interpretation: “I think he feels superior” or “Maybe he likes me.”
Other reasons for paying attention to nonverbal communication relate to some of the challenges
involved: Nonverbal messages are often ambiguous: they
can be easily misinterpreted. If my father is crossing his arms across his chest, does
that mean he’s close-minded, disapproving, or perhaps just cold?
They are also culturally bound. What means one thing in one culture can mean something
entirely different in another. For example, in the United States., we tend to nod our
heads up and down to signify agreement, or “yes.” However in both Bulgaria and Turkey,
this same head nod actually means the opposite, “No.”
Nonverbal cues are also continuous. When you speak a word, it’s over and done with. However,
a glare can last a long time and the enticing aroma of perfume can linger.
Finally, remember that nonverbal message interpretation is learned—directly or indirectly, from
others, and from the media. Remember that extended middle finger gesture we talked about
earlier? Many children inadvertently use their middle fingers to point something out—until
they learn the meaning of that nonverbal gesture. Processing time!
How would you define nonverbal communication? What is the impact of nonverbal communication
on a message? Do you agree with Mehrabian’s findings of 7% verbal, 38% vocalics, and 55%
other body language? If the verbal and the nonverbal message contradict
each other, which would you believe and why? Management consultant Peter F. Druckard summed
up the importance of nonverbal communication when he said, “People may hear your words,
but they feel your attitude.” So, pay attention to the attitude you project
with your nonverbal communication.