- Hello, I'm Tom Ellis from Lucifer on Netflix,
and today I shall be reading your thirst tweets.
(jaunty music)
First things first,
or thirst things thirst.
"Someone make Tom Ellis read thirst tweets please."
well they're doing that right now,
'cause that's exactly what I'm doing.
"Tom Ellis got some sweet bejeezus carved abs.
"Sweet lord of the dark.
"Hashtag LuciferOnNetflix."
Some sweet bejeezus carved abs.
They're not quite as carved
as they were when I shot that video,
but er, I've had a couple of beers.
Sweet bejeezus.
"Me: I'm thirsty
"Mum: you've just had a drink
"Me: the thirst for Tom Ellis never stops"
(laughs)
I can't read something that says mum on it
without thinking about Tricia Helfer
and Charlotte Richards,
so I'm imagining that's who this is from.
(clears throat) Next.
Gosh, I'm thirsty.
"I want the government to create a law
"where Tom Ellis can't wear a shirt.
"He has to be shirtless 24/7."
I'm not sure everyone would agree with that,
and I don't wanna, you know, be responsible
for some cardiac arrests across the country,
so maybe we should leave that law for now.
There's more important pressing government issues,
I think, at the moment.
This one simply reads,
I think it's a poem.
"Tom Ellis is daddy.
"I repeat.
"Tom Ellis is daddy.
"Tom Ellis is daddy, Tom Ellis is daddy,
"Tom Ellis is daddy.
"Tom Ellis is daddy."
I didn't realize I had quite so many kids.
"I'm only livin' to see Tom Ellis's butt."
Tom Ellis's but what?
Would be my response to that.
Listen, if you're gonna watch season four,
you won't have to wait long to see that.
Freshly cleaned and shaved.
"Tom Ellis makes me so wet.
"That's the tweet."
(chuckling) Oh, it's from a lifeguard.
There we go, that's good.
Ooh, I'm getting a bit hot in here, oof.
This one starts, "yeah, hi,
"we need to talk about what a damn snacc
"Tom Ellis is in Lucifer.
"Rip me in half and send me to hell."
Well, it's always nice to be
part of someone's five a day,
so, you know, I'm happy
that I'm one of your damn snacks.
That's lovely.
Rip me in half and send me to hell.
That's quite violent, don't you think?
And how do you know you're going to hell?
"Ugh I would let Tom Ellis get al fresco on me
"if you catch my drift."
Which means outside,
which is also a little bit rude.
It does remind me of an episode of Miranda
when we talk about going al fresco.
"I officially told my mum today
"that I want Tom Ellis to dick me.
(chuckling)
"She respectfully agreed."
I hope that's a typo.
And I didn't realize dick was a verb.
Just er, yeah,
I'm gonna move on from that one, I think.
I don't think I've dicked anyone for a while.
"Tom," this is all caps as well.
"Tom Ellis in glasses owns my ass."
So there you go,
I'm now the proud owner of your backside.
There we go,
and thanks for the glasses big up.
Like that one.
Oh goodness me,
this has got lots of stars in it,
so I think there could be swearing.
"Real talk, @tomellis17 could seriously
"star star star my star star star.
"He can shove his star star star star
"in my star star star star, star star star star star.
"Pleath sir, I am a star star star
"star star star star."
Fill in the blanks, I'd rather not to.
But what I do like about this one
is that it goes slightly Shakespearian
after the cursing to say "pleath sir".
Pleath sir, will you star star star me
up the star star star?
Pleath.
(laughing)
This might be something to do with the tight jeans,
but this just says, "Tom Ellis just looks like
"he has a really long dick."
Answers on a postcard to
does Tom Ellis have a really long dick
at dickshire dot dick.
Goodness me.
These are quite racy, aren't they?
"I just want to say.
"Tom Ellis is the biggest DILF on this planet
"and I want him to (beep) me through a wall."
"Thank you for listening to my TED Talk."
It's quite a violent thrust
to get you through a wall,
especially if it's like a brick wall.
Goodness me.
Can we start with like a plasterboard wall
and move on from there?
And I'll have to do some kettlebell training
to get my thrust going
to (beep) you properly through that wall.
"@tomellis I need to stop watching Lucifer before bed.
"Really freaks my boyfriend out
"when he wakes up to me moaning
"Lucifer (beep) into me."
To me moaning, okay.
I thought your boyfriend was moaning
Lucifer (beep) into me,
which I wouldn't be complaining about,
as we are representative on this show
of all sexuality.
Yeah, just don't watch it before bed, obviously.
'Cause that would really help you
and your relationship with your boyfriend.
(laughing)
"Tom Ellis (beep) me in the ass
"with that English accent."
If that were possible, I would.
And if you do wanna be (beep)ed in the arse
with an English accent,
there's certainly some more English people than me.
Maybe we could get Benedict Cumberbatch in here,
he's rather marvelous as well with his old accent.
He's got a 10 inch accent, did you know that?
"Tom Ellis can shove--"
Okay, breathe.
"Tom Ellis can shove jellybeans up my ass
"any goddamn day he wants
"and can punch me in the face, thank you."
(laughing)
So is the idea that I put
the jellybeans up inside you
and I punch you in your face
to get them out again?
Sort of like a sort of primal vending machine.
I like it.
Oh, this is the last one.
Please don't get any dirtier, you dirty bunch.
(laughing)
This is obviously from someone
with a sore throat.
"Why is Tom Ellis so hot?
"Lemme gurgle that (beep)."
Which, um, you know,
if you do have a sore throat,
that's quite a good idea, actually.
You know, not that I'm offering to do it to you,
but if there is some (beep) on hand,
and I don't mean on your hand,
I mean like to, like,
if there's some (beep) around
and you've got a sore throat,
then gurgle that (beep)
'cause it really will help the old vocal chords out.
Anyway, those have been your thirsty tweets,
and you really are a filthy bunch.
(chirpy music)