- [Narrator] Hey, Psych2Goers.
Welcome back to another video.
Thank you all so much
for the love that you've given us.
Your ongoing support has helped us
make psychology and mental health
more accessible to everyone.
So, thank you.
Now, let's continue.
Have you ever struggled to come up
with the right thing to say
to someone who's hurting
and asking for your advice?
It can feel like a lot pressure.
You want to come off as understanding,
but also be empathetic and encouraging.
Texting and instant messaging
only makes this harder
because you can't physically see them
or their body language.
Trying to talk to someone
about their emotional or physical pain
can be complex and personal.
And this can make you
feel out of your depth.
There are definitely
some things that you shouldn't
say to someone who's hurting.
Curious to know what to avoid
when trying to comfort a person you care about?
Here are eight things
you shouldn't say to someone in pain.
Number one, "It's not that bad.
"Other people have it worse."
When you tell someone
that their pain isn't that bad,
it sounds like you're minimizing their strife.
No one wants to hear
that their pain isn't valid.
The same logic applies
to saying other people have it worse.
No two paths are the same
and everyone's situation is different.
And it isn't fair to compare them.
Instead, try to make them feel valid and heard,
and listened to your loved ones
with an open mind.
Number two, "Just stop worrying about it and let it go."
So when someone's going through something hard,
it's not easy to stop thinking about it.
Telling them to just move on,
isn't good advice.
Saying this makes it sound
as if you're treating their pain
as a passing phase or a mood swing
that they can just snap out of.
Number three, "It's not bothering anyone else."
Everyone is different
and we all have different needs.
And because of this,
we have different reactions to things.
You can't base how valid
someone else's feelings are
off other people and their actions.
All of your thoughts and feelings are important.
And treating someone else's as trivial
will hurt whoever you're trying to comfort.
Instead, try to help them feel
comfortable and acknowledged.
Number four, "You don't need to feel this way."
No one wants to be told
how they should feel.
There is a reason why they feel the way they feel.
Your emotions help
to point you in the right direction
and to make sense of what you're going through.
For example, discontentment can signify
that an internal need or desire has been neglected,
and that something is missing from your life.
Bottling up your emotions
doesn't make them just go away.
Suppressing your emotions can be easy at first.
But then it'll be too hard to contain
and they'll burst out of you
in sudden fits of anger or sadness.
Number five, "You're being too sensitive."
Labeling someone as too sensitive
when they confide in you
about their hurts,
makes it sound as if you think
they aren't strong enough
to deal with the situation.
It also implies that what they're going through
isn't that bad.
Calling someone too sensitive
has become a way to shame people
for feeling their emotions
and speaking their mind.
Number six, "Calm down."
As simple as these two words
may seem on the surface,
they can actually be quite harmful.
If someone is mad and venting,
and choosing to confide in you,
telling them to calm down
is like putting Mentos in a bottle of Coke.
By telling them to calm down,
it can make it seem like
you're making light of their emotions
and what they're going through.
Number seven, "You should feel grateful for..."
While looking at the glass half full
and taking a walk on the brighter side of life
is appreciated in some instances,
reminding a hurting loved one
to be grateful is not something
they want to hear
in a moment of heartache.
Saying that they should
be grateful for X, Y, and Z
can make it sound like you're dismissing them
and wanting to distract them from their pain
instead of acknowledging it,
and listening openly to them.
And number eight, "Chin up."
Words of encouragement like this
can be good to say sometimes,
but they can also end up
over simplifying someone's pain,
and end up sounding insensitive.
Instead of trying to uplift
their immediate mood,
try to hear them out
and talk about the root of their pain.
Providing comfort during this time is important.
Everyone is struggling in different ways,
whether we can see it or not.
Although talking to someone in pain
can seem like a lot of pressure,
just try your best
and remember to treat them
how you'd want to be treated
if you were the one that was hurting.
If you need tips on
what to say to someone in pain,
we have a video on that too.
The link's in the description.
Do you think these tips on
what not to say will help you
next time you go to comfort someone?
Let us know in the comments below.
Please like and share this video
if it helped you
and you think it could help someone else too.
The studies and references used
are listed in the description below.
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Thanks so much for watching
and we'll see you next time.