My name is Shiann.
I'm from Helena, Montana, and I'm 22 years old.
Yeah, I'll be in the fort.
CHILD: Come in.
Shiann is a very energetic, humorous, loving individual.
[JOYFUL SCREAMS]
Shiann's good at everything.
She can draw.
She can play the piano.
She used to be my daughter's role model.
These are my bikini competition suits.
I was a bodybuilder.
[INAUDIBLE] were doing bikini competitions and working out.
Anything that had to do with the fit lifestyle,
I wanted to be with.
HEATH: Shiann could have did anything she wanted
to with the drive that she had.
SHIANN: These suits mean a lot to me.
HEATH: Now, she's lost the life that she should have.
I inject methamphetamines.
CONNIE: She's stolen money from me.
She's stolen money from her family.
I've heard around town that she's selling herself.
She's at least lost 40 to 50 pounds.
Her face is sinking in.
Her eyes are getting dark.
It's a horrible transformation.
SHIANN (VOICEOVER): My body's starting to shut down.
I already have liver failure.
I'm pretty much killing myself.
I am the baby of the family.
And family to me, is my entire world.
CONNIE: Her father did not make any effort to be in her life.
My dad broke my heart before any boy ever could.
But my mom was always there to be my mom and dad.
CONNIE: When Shiann was seven, eight years old,
she was in a dance company.
She was one of the younger ones, but yet, she was one
of the leaders of the group.
Most of my childhood memories have
to do with my sister, Shandi.
We were two peas in a pod.
We are two of the same person.
CONNIE: Her sister was shot and killed by a person
that was actually high on meth.
We stayed for three days in the hospital with her
and had her on life support.
So Shiann had to witness all that.
We were told she'd never wake up.
Our family decided to take her off life support,
because that's no life to live.
Everybody was around the bed when
Shandi took her last breath.
SHIANN: When they tried to take her body,
I took off towards the ambulance,
screaming that I wanted my sister back.
She was my best friend.
JERIKA: Shiann didn't really process it like the rest of us.
At the time, I think Shiann actually kind of shut down.
CONNIE: About a year after Shandi's death,
Shiann started having a lot of body pains.
And it was severe pain in her back and hips.
SHIANN: Ankylosing spondylitis is
a form of rheumatoid arthritis.
My bones are fusing together.
It's severely painful.
CONNIE: It has to be controlled with chemo drugs.
JERIKA: There is times where Shiann would wake up,
and she would start limping one day.
CONNIE: I have watched her where she can't even walk.
JERIKA: I will end up in a wheelchair,
not be able to walk one day.
It was a death sentence to her.
I'm scared of the entire disease, of the medicine,
of everything.
JERIKA: She was very depressed about it.
And Shiann started getting into a lot of trouble.
I was your typical hellion.
Shiann was in fights constantly in middle school.
I would have the police at my house all the time.
She would be in court.
She was on probation.
I thought it was a typical teenager thing, when all along
it was the death of her sister that was finally starting
to come out and her disease.
She just kind of did a downward spiral
for a little while.
And then she met Heath.
SHIANN: I met Heath when I was 13 years old
through some mutual friends.
And I fell head over heels for him.
JERIKA: Heath was doing bodybuilding for a while.
And Shiann really liked the fact that it was
a healthy thing for her to do.
CONNIE: That's when her life turned
around, with the bodybuilding.
HEATH: I started getting her into the gym with me.
And then it became something that we
did together every night.
CONNIE: Him and her spent all the time at the gym
and always on diets.
HEATH: It seemed to help Shiann's medical condition.
It helped her move around more and be more active.
JERIKA: She was doing amazing.
And she looked fantastic.
And she looked healthy.
And she looked happy.
SHIANN: He had my back.
And I had his.
JERIKA: Eventually, Shiann asked Heath to marry her.
SHIANN: The love that we had for each other--
we-- we didn't think we were ever going to not be together.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
When we moved to Washington, that's
when most of the problems we had started happening.
I worked so much.
And we stopped being able to work out
together, spend time together.
JERIKA: Heath accused Shiann of cheating on him.
And Shiann would ask me for advice.
And I would tell her, there's a good chance that he's trying
to push the blame on to you.
I had came home to visit my family.
And two days before I was supposed to go home,
my husband asked me for a divorce in a text message.
I never cheated on my wife.
But I did move on pretty fast afterwards.
I wish I wouldn't have broken up with her like that.
I wish we would have talked about it first more in person.
CONNIE: He's wanting a divorce.
And the way it happened, she felt abandoned, unwanted.
I didn't feel like I was worthy of love anymore,
or really anything for that matter.
So I gave up.
I gave up everything.
Her whole life came crashing down in front of her.
SHIANN: I hung out with some kids
that I went to school with, because I was trying
to put myself back out there.
And it just so happens that those kids were in meth.
CONNIE: I think Shiann has lost every friend she ever had.
This town is horrible with meth right now.
Everybody she hangs with is into this drug.
I'm not out there doing crazy stuff
or not taking care of myself, because I do.
JERIKA: Sticking a needle in your own arm--
that's not crazy?
I spent the last year alone.
You haven't been alone.
Yeah, I have.
CONNIE: You know the thing I think
that pisses me off the worst is that you
play the victim in this.
SHIANN: I don't play the victim.
I made-- I've made my choices.
I don't blame them on anybody else.
JERIKA: You know what?
You say you don't blame them on anybody else.
But you do blame them on everybody else, Shiann.
CONNIE: It is harder watching Shiann
die this slow death than it was to lose my other daughter,
because hers was fast.
I wasn't there to help.
But with Shiann,m it's--
I see it every day.
I see her die.
SHIANN: We have to make a door for our blanket fort.
JOURNEY: I wouldn't call it a fort.
CONNIE: Right now, I am having Shiann stay
with me, just because this has gotten so severe.
And I cannot stand to see my kids cold or hungry.
Journey is Shiann's "boyfriend."
She's been with him for a few months now.
They just do drugs together constantly.
SHIANN: Mom, can you bring me down the road?
Something happened.
Journey took off walking, apparently
something's wrong with Journey.
JERIKA: Something is wrong with Journey, which means he either
did a lot of drugs in a very short amount of time,
or he's drunk.
CONNIE: He's right there.
Journey, come here.
Get in.
Journey?
SHIANN: He-- he reeks of alcohol, but--
Yeah.
Journey?
Don't die on me.
Don't die on me, now.
CONNIE: I journey is on the verge of death too.
And so I think if anything happened to Journey,
Shiann would never make it.
JOURNEY: Last night, I almost killed
myself mixing too many things.
The co-dependency that they have on each other
is not friendship, is not love.
It's who-- who stole the dope, who
got the dope, who got higher.
CONNIE: Yeah.
That's the only thing they have in common.
Shi.
SHIANN: Hi, Grace.
Hi.
I love you.
Sitting back and watching you kill yourself,
knowing I can't protect you anymore hurts me every day
and leaves me blaming myself for what your life has become.
Know, to me, you will always be my princess.
But I can only be in your life if you're willing to take
part in this recovery process.
You're my baby girl.
And I am terrified to lose you.
When we stood over Shandi in our home
feeling that last heartbeat, seeing and feeling what we knew
as her last breath, you all screamed
and begged for me to save her.
And I couldn't.
I realize now I cannot save you, Shiann.
But I can only support your life if you're
willing to help yourself today with your addiction.
Just as I sit here with the only thing
that I have left of your sister, these ashes.
If you choose to continue on this road,
I have no other choice than to move on with my life
without you.
You will no longer have a place that you can call home.
JERIKA: My hope for you is that one day, you will value
yourself as much as I value you and that you
will learn to love yourself as much as we love you.
Shiann, will you please accept this gift
that we are offering you today?
I don't want to be this person.
I know you don't.
Yeah, I'll go.
[SOBBING]
I love you so much.
SHIANN: I love you, too.
Thank you, guys.
But I know this is the best thing ever for her.
(SINGING) Your sanctuary.
COUNSELOR: Hey.
Hey.
Welcome to Cyprus Lakes Lodge.
I'm Shiann.
I've been sober for 65 days.
And it feels like a whole new way of life
that I'm learning how to live.
Physically, I'm feeling pretty good.
I do exercise about two, three times a week.
Emotionally, it's been a roller coaster.
It's still hard to deal with my emotions in the right way.
So I'm learning how to do that here.
The best part of recovery for me is that I
get to live a happy life again.
I don't have to be miserable anymore.
[MUSIC PLAYING]