All right, everybody.
So we're about to get started with our next group.
- Yes. - Come in.
Come in, please.
Hi.
One of the things that has been important here
is to make sure that you see real stories of love.
And so today, pay attention to how
their stories mirror your own.
And ask questions.
What I want you to walk away with today
is knowing that no relationship is without its challenges.
And know that no matter where you are in your relationship
that anything is possible.
And so I want to introduce you to some friends, Tom
and Laura Joyner.
Tom and Laura have been married for 51 years.
Wow.
And then I want to also bring Willie
and DW into this conversation.
These lovely folks here have been married for 83 years.
They brought their lovely daughter.
- OK. - Mm-hmm.
OK?
And so with that, I want to sit back and listen to you all
tell your story about how you've come to the moment
that you're at.
Well, we met in college.
It was a Coasters concert.
My friend and I had snuck in and were sitting in the auditorium
watching the rehearsal.
And then this lady comes in with her friend and--
And they said, come and sit with us.
OK.
So we did.
And then we heard that there was a party later, and I said, OK,
but I have a boyfriend.
But I went to the party anyway.
And there was something about him I
really thought was really nice.
I liked him, but I didn't say anything.
We were both engaged at the time to other people.
Oh, wow.
OK.
But we had a incredible, powerful physical attraction
to each other.
And all the black kids started ditching me and thought,
you belong to so-and-so so what are you doing with this guy?
Interracial dating was not a thing on our campus
back in 1964.
It was against the law.
Wow.
Tom and Laura, what advice would you
give them for those moments when it is challenging?
The bottom line of what we've learned
is keep your friends and family out of your business.
Why do you stress that so much?
You know, everybody has their own agenda.
They do.
So try to keep them in a place where you
can say, you know what, enough.
And fear does that.
Afraid of what they think.
Afraid that you're stepping on someone's toes.
Afraid of being disowned by.
Right.
Because Tom, weren't you disowned by your family?
Oh, he was disowned by his family.
My dad wasn't real happy when I got married.
And we developed our own tribe.
We made our own tribe.
The important thing is what works between the two of you.
Wow.
That's deep.
What has been the most challenging part of being
married for the two of you?
Working as a first assistant director.
I was on location a lot, mainly on features,
doing some television.
He did "Jaws."
Oh, OK.
I would have to pack up and be gone for three months at a time
and she would be left at home with the children.
A son and a daughter.
She had to be head of household while I was gone.
Then when I would come back I would say, wait a minute,
she's been running the house.
I can't come in and go, Daddy's home.
You know, it was a partnership.
So we really had to work on that.
But that was stressful. - Yes, it was.
That was difficult for a while.
- It was. - OK.
D.W. and Willie are 100 and 103 years old.
Oh, wow.
What?
Looking good over there.
[LAUGH].
Let me tell you, what is interesting about their story
is that they got married after knowing
each other for three months.
Oh, wow.
And they have been together over eight decades.
No social media.
And so tell us your story.
My niece introduced us at church.
And so we started seeing each other and talking.
And from that on, we got together and so here we are.
83 years.
Wow.
What was it about him that attracted you to him?
He was very nice.
He was always nice.
And he had respect for my family as well as he give me.
So you know some young guys would
come along, they don't care what they say in front of you,
what they do.
But he was different.
What was it about her?
What?
I want to ask you all how you have handled conflict,
because conflict is one of the hardest things
for couples to come back from.
He doesn't like arguments.
When I would start on him, telling
what you forgot to do this, you forgot to do that, he's gone.
And I mean, I look like a nut talking to myself.
A nut?
The one who made the mistake, they would come back and say,
I'm sorry.
How important is that to say, I'm sorry.
I made a mistake.
Very important.
When you do something wrong to someone,
you go back and make an apology.
That mean a lot to you.
But when you won't say anything about it,
and keep walkin' by me, it doesn't make you feel good.
Not at all.
Uh-uh.
And then don't sit and fester.
And I think it's important when you say you're sorry,
people to forgive the other person and let it go.
When you guys have a disagreement,
you know, are you both hearing each other out
before you're, like, attacking one another?
Yes.
I think we would hear each other.
We would give each other space, sleep on it the next day,
and then we'd come back and revisit it.
And somehow there'd be compromises worked out.
Was there any infidelity?
No.
Never?
No.
In how many years?
- 54 together. - 54.
Really? Wow.
So it's possible.
That's amazing.
What would you say to us, like,
for two people that are married, just to help us understand
the importance of a union.
Almost everybody has a unique relationship.
And you're sort of forming a corporation when you stop
thinking about what do I want, and then you
start thinking what do we want.
So one way might be to say let's just have a safe space
and check in with each other.
What were your hurts this week?
What were my feelings?
And then just talk it out and then
you'll have a good laugh and maybe some good sex afterward.
Two thumbs up to that.
TOM: There you go.
It is important for these couples
to know as they go forward, when other people were
interested in your partner and they
were hanging around your relationships,
how did you deal with that?
You tell 'em this is my girlfriend,
so you look for someone else.
Simple as that. OK.
That's right.
There were women that were interested in him
because they just couldn't figure out why he was with me,
because they were white.
You know, but we actually had a bit of an advantage.
Because we knew there was a lot of people with jealousy.
They'll try to tear you down if they can.
There's a lot of people that have spite
or hate for other reasons.
We went the extra mile to make sure
that our marriage succeeded so they wouldn't prove us wrong.
It's just up to the two of you to make it work.
That's right.
I think it's like a different time.
Like the beliefs back then and the value back then was real.
Now you have social media, you have people posing
to be who they're not, and that's
what's going on now from there.
Do you think that marriages nowadays can't make it?
What's happened out there?
Social media have made it to where-- you know how
they say the grass is greener?
Yes.
There's way more lawns than it used to be right now.
You know what I'm saying?
Oh.
But there's a lot of crab grass out there.
Sure is.
And weeds.
But what it's important for you to remember is that
their grass is fertilized with manure,
just like everybody else's.
What?
OK.
Social media and how we govern ourselves is a choice.
It's not the time that's different,
it's the perspective, as you see.
And the obstacles and the challenges
are no different than the obstacles and challenges now.
They had to overcome things that were illegal
and they persevered.
You're talking about DMs, 60 characters.
Oh, it's a trend.
Only if you choose to follow the trend will you be a trendsetter
or will you be a follower.
Which one?
Because everybody has said, they want to be what?
The GOAT.
The Greatest Of All Time.
I have never seen a goat that has followed anybody.
Hey, the real goat's right there.
And you know what, these are real goats.
[INAUDIBLE]
Y'all bless them with them hats.
The one husband started off saying he was a bad man,
and I feel like I'm a bad man.
And he's ended up being with a woman for 80 years.
So once you find a person that you genuinely love
and want to spend the rest of your life with,
anything could happen.
On behalf of all of us, I would like to thank you guys.
Thank you guys.
Listening to the older couple was very inspiring for me.
They put each other first in each other's lives.
That is exactly what I want with Q.
Because despite those challenges,
you know, for all of us listening, love wins.
- Nice to meet ya. - Hey, nice meeting you.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Good luck to you. Good luck with it.
Appreciate that. Thank you.
You bet. You bet.
I could just tell you have been through a lot,
and God bless you.