Hello my name is Lydia and my role in my family is to be the family disappointment
or the black sheep, I guess the two are kind of interchangeable in a way.
Welcome to another episode of deep chats in all black. Today we are going to discuss something
that was actually similar to the vibe of my first youtube video on this channel
I mean the first public youtube video because the ones before are quite embarrassing and
I deleted them but my first video on this channel um I'll link it above, it was about how I got
rejected from Harvard but that ended up being the best thing that could have happened to me
and so i was kind of looking back at my old videos and just seeing how much I've grown
in such a little amount of time and I wanted to talk about more of a general idea of being
the family disappointment not just getting rejected from Harvard although that did play
a big role. So there's like spectrums of being a family disappointment. There's one end where you're
that child that never got good grades you don't work you just live off your parents money and
sure that's one spectrum of being the family disappointment but then there's the other side
of the spectrum where you got straight A's you did a lot of extracurriculars and you excelled at them
you even got a full scholarship to the university that you currently study at but yet you are still
the family disappointment. That end of the spectrum is where Russian families come in so
it's quite a big range but I'm assuming that if you're watching this video you are
somewhat along that range whether it's as extreme as my situation or the other end or maybe you're
just the perfect child and you're confused as to what it even means to be a family disappointment
wow I don't envy you, but seriously in terms of how my situation is: I grew up where my parents
were convinced that I was a child progidy and sure I did really well in school and sure I excelled
a lot of extracurriculars but I guess for Russian parents you know it's never enough especially
when you're comparing Russian education especially during communist times versus American education
like the American school system is pretty much a joke and my parents knew that so they were like
yeah all of your good grades and everything that you're excelling at here is not really valid so
let's see where your real talent is so that means that growing up I was doing every single sort of
extracurricular activity like fencing, I've done karate krav maga piano violin orchestra soccer
rhythmic gymnastics swimming lyrical gymnastics jazz tap modern like the list goes on and on um
obviously there were some that I'm really good at like music and that is something that I want to
continue and make my career but then there were some that I didn't do so well in like um hockey
for example. I actually was asked not to come back and play hockey because I had a tendency of
hitting people instead of the puck so yeah there were clearly some disappointments but at the end
of the day I feel like my parents didn't really care that much because they knew that the end goal
was me getting to an ivy league. My parents met at Harvard so naturally I would go there right
so in high school I did everything I could to get into these ivy league schools. I thought I
was going to be a doctor so I was doing cancer research in the summers and really going science
intensive with all my courses and I took AP and IB at the same time because I was just an overall
overachiever and then I remember January 2017 I didn't get into any of these schools and
that was like wow peak peak family disappointment however I did end up getting a full scholarship to
the university that I'm currently at which isn't bad at all but my parents didn't really react to
that like if anything my mom was like hmm yeah it's still not Harvard and my dad was like yeah
okay you're smart but it's genetic. In fact I think that's my dad's favorite compliment to just be
like you smart but it's genetic don't forget that and then from January 2017 I just kind of gave up
trying to please my parents anymore and it was the most liberating thing that I've ever done because
honestly I'm very happy that I am the family disappointment because
for two reasons: one as a child it motivated me to keep doing more and I think that's what gave me
this incredible work ethic that I have right now because I personally am not constantly satisfied
and it's kind of sad I'm not ever proud of what I'm doing I'm just looking to always do more
and on the other hand I literally can do whatever I want and my parents won't even
be shocked anymore because I am just that much of a black sheep literally on my dad's side of
the family everyone's blonde and blue-eyed they're all living in California or Russia right now they
all wear like normal clothes they go hiking and when i come home it's like this girl who
kind of looks goth compared to them and I come in with these obnoxious platform shoes and my
dad just lifts them up and he's like so did these take over your entire carry-on weight like these
are ridiculous what are you doing and on my mom's side well she's orthodox jewish still she's kind
of modern but she's still part of that orthodox jewish community where people from my elementary
school are getting engaged and here I am um only engaged to the one and only youtube algorithm
but yeah it's like I'm not only disappointing one community, I am disappointing two communities
and I love it it's like whatever I can do whatever I want and the message I want to give off is if
you too are the disappointment in your family it's okay and it could actually be pushing you to do
more because this is your life. I know your parents have done so much for you and I'm so grateful
for everything that my parents gave me but at one point you're gonna have to cut that umbilical cord
and start living the life that you want because one day they're not gonna be there and if you're
spending your life trying to satisfy them that might be cool to some extent but you're gonna end
up feeling unsatisfied and you're gonna waste so many years not realizing your own full potential
and not realizing your own dreams and I hear this over and over and over this family dynamic that
just gets keeps getting repeated where parents are encouraging their kids to be more creative
or vice versa because they're like well my parents didn't encourage it for me like even in my family
for example my dad wanted to study physics and he was so good at physics and science but his
mom pushed him to go to business school. I don't want that for my kids and I don't want that for me
of course I expect them to be up to standard and any child of mine is going to be smart beautiful
and stylish but they are going to do whatever they want and I want them to be successful whatever
they're good at. If you are sitting at home right now because it's covid and this is making it
even harder on you because you are constantly with your family and you are constantly getting judged
um I get it it must be so so tough but at the end of the day this could be time to you know really
work something if you're not wasting any money on renter if you're not wasting any resources trying
to cook meals for yourself and you have that taken off of your shoulder make use of that and try to
see a way out of the situation or even have a discussion with your parents where you're like
this is what I want to do this is where I'm at maybe you're not living with your parents and
you're much much older because yeah I do have a lot of middle-aged subscribers love you guys
I mean if you're at that stage you're still in that mindset of trying to please other people
regardless if their your parents it could even be your significant other your spouse your wife your
husband. Stop doing that and just do things for yourself not to be selfish but to be really happy
and that is something that I've really tapped into this year and that's doing things for yourself but
also not looking to others for validation you know when I didn't have my parents to tell me
that they were proud of me I thought that I could get that from other people even a boyfriend but
it's not like that everybody has their own definition of what success means and from your own
experience you automatically form this picture in your head of what you think is successful
so of course if my parents went to Harvard and did the traditional academia route and masters
and successful careers that's what they think is successful but if you talk to any creative
like a famous singer they're not going to say that you know doing that route that my parents did is
their version of success so it's all relative and at the end of the day even being the
disappointment in your family it's all relative so yeah I hope this video motivated you to just
live life for yourself and do what you want my channel isn't a space of judgment and it's
a place where anyone can be who they want to be so if you want to write down in the comments you
know if you've had a similar situation I'd love to hear your story and I'll see you in the next video