Last time on The Fast and The Furious...
Police officer Brian O'Conner went undercover
to investigate ex-convict Dominic Toretto and his badass gang of street racers.
Their crime? How about stealing the most leisurely treasure yet: consumer electronics!
RACE SCENE!
Meanwhile, Brian discovered something so big, so bad it would change his life forever
He had the hots for Dom's sister, Mia
Brian exposed undying passion the only way he knew how
By blowing the cover of an ongoing federal investigation
"Mia, I'm a cop."
"You bastard!"
At the last moment, Brian learned that the truck drivers shipping all of those consumer electronics
Would be armed. WAY armed.
Not that armed.
THIS armed.
The secret spook tried to warn the beefy thief
but arrived late to their latest... HEIST!
The gang was under fire.
To save the lives of Dom's best buds, Brian blew his cover
And requested medical support.
"Yeah, this is officer Brian O'Conner"
Friendship was on the rocks until Dom and Brian bonded over the death of a teenager.
Then, they killed some dudes.
(that's ILLEGAL)
Brian and Dom seemed like they wanted to kiss
probably with tongue
But Dom had a girlfriend named Letty
So instead, the bros raced.
Dom crashed, but Brian was like, "if you love something, let it go, bro"
Last time, on 2 Fast 2 Furious
Brian agreed to go undercover, again!
to arrest Carter Verone, a drug lord
For backup, Brian recruited undercover agent Monica Fuentes
And his childhood best bud, Roman Pierce
The crew got jobs as drivers for Verone
You know what's bad?
COPS!
(mandatory RACE SCENE)
The crew planned to capture Verone
but the cops called reinforcements too early
Great timing, cops
GET A WATCH!
Things got messy from a narratological standpoint
"Shit."
But who needs five act structure when you have chases, ejector seats
And the most expensive game of memory ever played.
The cops through drug lord Verone would escape by air
One man knew he'd go by sea
Brian and Roman fulfilled their number one mutual childhood dream:
Killing bad dudes
Childhood dream number two:
Driving a Camaro through a yacht.
Last time, on Fast & Furious
Letty, Dom's main squeeze, got hit by a car and shot to death
by a mysterious criminal organization tied to drug lord Arturo Braga
The death gave Dom an appetite
an appetite for revenge
and protein!
Meanwhile, renegade cop turned renegade FBI agent Brian
Attempted to murder a potential informant for no apparent reason
Sad Dom and Brian competed in a race to determine the newest driver
of a heroine-trafficking squad possibly tied to Letty's death
RACE SCENE!
Dom won the race.
But Brian found his way on the team the old-fashioned way
abuse of power.
"You're under arrest for distribution of meth."
"Man, Dwight never touched that shit, bro!"
"Dwight has now!"
"Yo, that ain't mine!"
The two drove heroine across the US-Mexico border
to find and murder Letty's killer
And also, track down the evil drug lord Arturo Braga
Hey kids, being a drug dealer is nothing to Braga about!
Things got complicated.
There was a plea bargain. And mixed identities!
And secret underground cross-border tunnels
And a chase scene!
The duo captured Braga
They murdered Letty's killer, and they murdered some more people.
To thank Dom for saving the day, the US government gave him an award
twenty-five years to life in the pen.
Last time, on Fast Five
On the way to prison after stopping an evil drug lord
Dom was down by law
Darmusch!
The gang broke out their leader faster than you can say "coffee and cigarettes"
Mia and Brian did things the only way they knew how
By giving the bird to public transportation
You've heard of "will work for food"
How about, "will work for cars"
The out-of-luck trio helped their friend Vince steal some hot rides
Audiences haven't been wowed by a train sequence like this
Since L'Arrivee d'un train en gare de La Ciotat!
Think nothing ever goes wrong with a complex train robbery involving supercars?
Think again!
A criminal named ZZ killed DEA agents on board
And the blame got pinned on our American heroes
For revenge, the gang concocted an elaborate plan to rob crime lord Herman Reyes of his fortune
Remember the sequence in Ocean's 11 when they got the gang back together?
Well, so did Brian
Meanwhile, the United States of America sent DSS agent Luke Hobbes
to arrest the entire crew.
Protein powerhouse!
Like the political philosopher Thomas Hobbes
This Hobbes believes in the right of the individual...
...the right of the individual to go to jail.
Only one thing could stop Hobbes from arresting the gang:
Heavy weapons!
Guns don't kill people... Reyes' men do
They killed Vince.
And they killed Hobbes' co-workers
For revenge, Hobbes and his partner Elena Neves were like,
"Yeah, let's rob Reyes!"
But heists are boring
So they stole the cash with the one way they knew how:
With cars!
CHASE BANK SCENE!
Hobbes killed Reyes
Brian killed ZZ
And Dom killed a bunch of cops
Hobbes wouldn't let the gang off scot-free
But he gave them what every racer wants:
A head start.
"I'll see you soon."
"No you won't."
Last time, on Fast & Furious 6
After stopping the world's greatest drug and crime lords
The crew began its most wild, most spectacular, and most existentially taxing adventure yet:
Pina colada! Grandma and grandpa!
Dom moved in with Elena
Brian and Mia made a baby
Giselle and Han? They fell in love in Fast 5 and moved to Hong Kong
Roman and Tej were being rich and stuff
Everybody was out of the game.
But old Hobbes began an investigation of former British special forces soldier Owen Shaw
Because SOMEBODY'S got to work
Hobbes asked Dom for help finding Shaw
And Letty
LETTY?
That was Dom's old flame!
As the world turns, motherfuckers
The gang tracked down Shaw in foggy London
Tea, govna?
YEAH. Tea, please
With milk, one sugar, and... a CHASE SCENE
Brian and company stopped Shaw and found Letty
But Letty shot Dom because love hurts
Then things got weird
Shaw began development on a device that would kill the power of an entire region
Letty suffered from amnesia
Brian went undercover in an American prison
to see... Braga!
Remember Braga?
Never forget Braga.
Meanwhile, Dom reminded amnesiac Letty of their past
the only way he knew how
with a RACE SCENE
The gang thwarted Shaw's plans
Dom saved Letty
Brian saved Mia
Shaw tried to escape on the world's longest runway
but the gang stopped the plane the only way they knew how:
driving a car through its fucking nose
Also, Giselle died saving Han
and sent Han into a crippling depression
Meanwhile, the rest of the crew received amnesty for all their previous crimes.
Free to roam the streets of America! God bless the USA.
Last time, on The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift
In the year 2006, all the characters you love didn't show up on set.
Meanwhile, somewhere else in the world, troublemaking teenager Sean Boswell
got busted for street racing with Clay.
Clay looked an awful lot like the older brother from Home Improvement
Sean's dad was pissed
so he sent his son to Japan. Weird punishment, dad
In Tokyo, a young man named Twinkie taught Sean about drift cars
just like the title predicted.
Sean befriended a young woman named Neela
Nobody tell Neela's boyfriend!
TOO LATE, TAKASHI KNOWS
Sean dealt with things the only way he knew how
Challenging a stranger in a new town in a foreign country to an illegal street race.
Weird choice, Sean
Han showed up
Remember Han?
He looked younger but his crippling depression was obvious because he hung out with high schoolers
Sean borrowed Han's car to race against his nemesis, Takashi
and Sean totaled it.
You call THAT a drift?
THIS is a drift.
Sean repaid his debt to Han
Han taught Sean to drift
Names rhymed, and everybody dealt with it
Then, there was a RACE SCENE
Meanwhile, Han's habit of stealing from the Yakuza caused trouble for everyone
And Han got killed.
But who killed Han?
This guy?
No.
This woman?
No.
Try Owen Shaw's brother, Deckard
A bunch of other stuff in Tokyo Drift happened
like a race scene
but it doesn't matter
FUCKING DECKARD SHAW KILLED HAN!!!
Who will Sean race next?
Dominic Toretto.
Who will the gang kill next?
Probably Deckard Shaw