Ooh!! What? What?!
This is incredible.
This... Oh my god.
Oh my god, this is incredible. Holy shit.
Ooh!
Oh!
And ruined.
Why?
Why? Why are her boobs bigger than her head?
I- You can't make the character look stupider than that if you tried. You can't.
Japanese people, what the fuck is wrong-
Alright, I finally get to play the game. Here we go, baby.
Oh. Tutorial.
'kay, so you earn WP and SP.
WP, that stands for Weapon Points.
That levels up your skill and your Arts.
SP, that's Skill Points. So-
You go to the uh... Character menu...
Now I get to play the game.
Oh, tutorial.
This is really important.
Okay, there's three ways to modify your weapons with uh... with the core
and you gotta go to setup,
type in.... Put in the right core chip...
'kay, so you can spend WP (That's your Weapon Points)
to enhance your Arts and then you got to go into the Affinity Chart
and spend your SP on different talents for your Talent Tree
and then you gotta plug in the right Core Chip into your blade. Uh...
Of course, this is just one of 14 steps to modify your weapon...
Oh, but hold the phone.
None of that applies to this guy.
Uh, because it's a robot.
Of course, you can't go around- You know, you don't modify it the normal way.
You have to make microchips using a crystal, okay? It's just-
Whew!
Okay, I think... I think we're done with the tutorials now.
16 hours into the game.
[Rex]: "Time to take you down." [Dunkey]: Nope. Still more.
I think I'm getting the hang of it.
Oh. Well, never mind. Sealing Effects.
Okay, somebody write this down.
To apply Sealing Effect, you have to execute a Stage 3 Blade Combo
and then that'll grant your enemy resistance to that Combo's element, okay?
Oh my god. I'm playing the game!
I'm playing the g-
And cutscene.
What the fuck?
Great voice acting.
I hate you!
[Rex]: "Let's show them a thing or three."
How are you gonna fight the most powerful guy in the universe?
You can't even beat the level 5 bunny outside of the starting town.
It's 'cause you suck so much ass.
What the fuck, I'm winning? I'm beating her! Wha-
I just beat the most powerful guy in the universe!
Aw, dang!
You see what she did there?
She pulled the old uh... "Lose in the game, win in the cutscene anyway" trick.
I hate it when they pull that shit.
I gotta admit, you know, once you get into this game,
the combat does really start to get interesting. Uh...
But uh... The music. I just-
I'm not feeling the music like I was in the Wii U one
Let me try to wrap my head around what this game is.
It's... It's Pokemon, right?
But instead of capturing animals,
You capture girls and then-
And then they refer to you as their master,
so this is weirdo shit.
WHY?!
Why does the Furby that talks like Jar Jar Binks have a sex slave robot?!
Why did you make that?!
Better question.
Why is there a level 80 guy in the baby starting area
and you can just aggro him from anywhere on the map?
Oh, there he is now. Hey!
[Rex]: "Why here?"
Hey, that's a good question. Why are you here?
Hello? Is this game on?
Am I all alone?
Or is there a level 75...
dinosaur here... in this baby starting area?
[Pyra]: "No." [Rex]: "Darn."
[Pyra]: "I can still..." [Rex]: "Why here?"
I need a bigger gun.
I- I'm beating something! I'm beating the other guy up!
I'm beating him in the game. *GASP*
I killed him!
WHAT THE FUCK?!
WHAT'S THE POINT?!
What's the point of beating anybody?
They just kill you in the cutscene anyway regardless. Every single time.
[Rex]: "Let's show him a thing or three. I like your attitude!"
Thank you.
[Rex]: "I like your attitude!"
He already said that...
[Rex]: "Let's show him a thing or three."
[Rex]: "I like your attitude!"
Please stop-
[Rex]: "Let's show him a thing or three."
Make it st-
[Rex]: "Let's show him a thing or three."
SHUT UP!
[Rex]: "I like your attitude!"
AARGH
[Rex]: "I like your attitude!"
[Outro]