(upbeat techno music)
(dramatic music)
- Today's question is, what is the worst
spell a witch could curse you with?
Today I'm joined by Zac Oyama.
- Hello everyone.
- Raphael Chestang.
- Hey all you guys.
- And Mary Sasson.
- Hello all the people.
- Mary, would you like to begin?
- I would, thank you.
My answer to what is the worst spell
a witch could curse you with is
fart announcement.
- Wow.
- Meaning that every time that you fart,
your butt shouts your name. - Wow.
- [Mary] Thereby giving away who did it.
- Wow.
- Most rooms that I'm in, I'm the only one with my name.
- Okay, so you're saying me as Mary,
I have at least a chance of a couple older women
could say, uh oh, who did it?
- Exactly, yes.
- I'm lucky with Katie, everybody's name is Katie.
- Yeah it's gonna come from your butt I will say
so people also have, you have to be--
- Would it be my voice?
- No I think it just is a voice shouts, Katie!
- Okay, okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- But then is it also a fart though?
Like is it recognizable as a fart?
- I think you fart, you make the
(blows raspberry) sound, a beat, Mary.
(laughing)
And so maybe a strategy could be--
- [Katie] So funny.
- That if you're going in a room
and you know that you just had Brussels sprouts.
- Yeah. - You find a Katie.
- Yeah! - So you hope--
- I stand next to her.
- You stand next to a Katie and
really try to throw her under the bus.
- I'll be like.
- Play it big. - Ew!
- Play it big.
(laughing)
- Oh my god! - Do you ever,
do you ever cough when you fart?
- Yeah. - Oh yeah.
- I feel like I would like cough--
- Oh, so, yeah.
- And then cough again real fast.
(laughing)
- Feel out the timing.
- Just as loud--
(coughing)
As loud as you can.
- This is also, I have found that,
I think we teach women to fart silently
that's why I think that this would be
especially harmful because I have learned
how to make silent farts.
- [Katie] Yes.
- And if I'm, if I'm kind of tilting to the side
trying to be all coy and then all of a sudden,
a beat later, Mary!
- Oh god.
- This is where an alias might come into play.
'Cause if you're somebody like--
- So always introduce yourself as, oh I'm Tina.
(laughing)
So then when my butt shouts Mary.
(laughing)
- Yes!
Then you're like, I don't know where there's a Mary.
(laughing)
- I wonder if you could, you could duke the witch that way.
- [Katie] Yeah.
- Like would the witch be like,
no, if you introduce yourself as Tina,
your butt's shouting Tina.
- Yeah, that's true. - Or like, yeah, what--
- My name is Katherine, but everyone--
- Does it shout Katherine or Katie?
- Exactly, 'cause everyone calls me Katie,
no one knows I'm a Katherine.
- I think maybe because it's the worst spell
a witch could cast, I would say
the witch knows to shout Katie.
- Yeah.
- This is-- - I think, yeah.
- A savvy spell. - That's true.
- Yeah, I mean it's the worst one.
- Also just to clarify, when you say the worst spell
a witch could curse you with, you mean
the most effective, like what would be the worst for you
or what would be like a shitty spell
for a witch to curse you with?
- No, no, no, no, the worst for you.
- Did you not do this right? - What did you write?
(laughing)
(dramatic music)
- Please go ahead.
I'm so curious. - No, no, it's okay.
That's me now?
- Yeah it's your turn.
- My first idea is
constant urine sensation.
- Okay.
- So the witch curses you with a spell that
you will constantly feel like urinating.
- Like you have to urinate or--
- [Raphael] Yes.
- Or you currently are? - You are peeing your pants.
- No, but you don't know.
You don't know, how would you know?
- But I know when I, I know when I'm peeing my pants
and I know when I just have to pee.
- Yes, there's a big difference.
- I know what--
- 'Cause I'm a grown up.
(laughing)
You don't know if you're peeing or if you're not peeing?
- Let me clarify, I think that you, I think--
- Like a bad dream?
- I think you want it to be, you constantly really
feel like you've peed because then you can't tell--
- I don't, wait no, it's not that you have to pee really bad
- No! - 'cause that's also not good.
- That's not good but you would know I haven't peed.
- I want to hear what he thinks this means.
- Yeah, let's hear-- - I don't think you know!
(laughing)
- You don't know, you don't know.
- 'Cause if this is like constantly like,
oh I'm starting to pee my pants, that's one thing.
- [Katie] Yes.
- No, it's a feeling of a stream, a steady stream is--
- Yeah, okay, that's what I thought.
- Being released from your body.
- [Katie] I like that, I like that
because you wouldn't know.
- And you constantly feel that and so you don't know--
- What a nightmare.
I would live in a pool. - I win!
I win! - I would live in a pool.
- No, no, we still have many more to go.
- We have six more answers.
- [Katie] Dear god.
- Yeah, constant urinating stream so
you're sitting where you're sitting right now.
- Yeah.
- And you have a feeling that you're urinating yourself.
- I think that's just called being an old person.
- Yeah, that's so sad.
- [Mary] I would get a catheter.
- Well that would yeah, I think--
- [Katie] Me too.
- That would suck too.
Oh you could just get a catheter?
Could you wear a diaper? - Maybe.
Yeah I think I would wear a diaper or just get a catheter.
- I would just always wear a diaper.
- You're on a date, you're at your wedding.
- Wear a diaper.
- What if you just like go pee?
And I know you feel that but you're not worried
about the fact that maybe you're peeing again.
- And can you not control when you are peeing?
'Cause otherwise I would just like set an alarm
and like every hour I would go pee.
- Yeah, yeah.
I don't think Raphael-- - Okay.
- Thought this through.
(laughing)
I don't think he knows at all.
- Another question I had is--
- I thought it was supposed to be the worst spell.
- Do you get--
- Oh my god.
- You know how it's like satisfying to finish peeing,
to some extent, you're done with that business,
do you get a feeling of satisfaction all the time?
- No, no, no satisfaction, you only,
you only feel the feeling of,
oh well I guess that is the real satisfy.
- Raph, I still don't understand the distinction
you're making with the worst spell and the worst spell.
- What are you talking about?
- It seems like, I still don't get what you're talking--
- It's the worst spell.
- Man I already won, Mary clearly said this was a nightmare.
- You didn't,
we have six more to go! - I'm not the judge.
- Oh my god. - Dear god.
I can't have you on the show anymore.
(laughing)
(dramatic music)
Hello Zac, would you like to go ahead?
- Hello Katie, yes well my first answer for
what is the worst spell a witch could cast on you is
you're always floating.
And you're always floating like 30 feet in the air.
- Interesting.
- So not the feeling of floating but actually floating?
- [Zac] You are floating.
- Oh that sucks, how do you get food?
Yeah that's a really bad one.
Like how do-- - People throw it up to you.
- Yeah. - Yeah that's awful.
- You'd have to be good at catching.
- You can't come down, you're always at that height.
- Yeah, that's pretty bad.
- 30 feet? - 30 feet specifically?
- Yeah and you like can't hear anyone,
like you're like always like, what?
- Aw.
- And you can't really hang out with people unless they--
- How could you have a baby?
- You couldn't.
- [Zac] You could.
- I don't think this is that bad, I think--
- [Raphael] You couldn't make a baby like that.
- You cannot make a baby like that.
- 30 feet in the air.
- There's like a crane-- - Have someone stick
outside of a window.
- [Zac] Yeah.
- I think if you're always 30 feet in the air,
you just always talk to people on the third floor.
- Yeah.
- If my husband wants to talk to me,
we go to the third floor and we hang out.
(laughing)
Yeah we can't go to a park together
but he could call me on his phone.
- You can put him on a string and he could be a kite.
- Can I hold them?
- You could hold them but you feel the weight of it
like so it's like, it's not like you're like weightless
and you mane them weightless.
- Okay. - It's like hard.
- Okay then yeah, I'm always talking out of the third floor.
- [Zac] Yeah.
- This person can not go into an elevator,
that would kill them. - You don't need an elevator!
- Yeah, they can't go into a building.
- But it would murder them, 'cause if they
went into an elevator--
- What does this person need an elevator for?
- Yeah, what the hell are you talking.
- To go higher than 30 feet if you
wanted to go higher than 30 feet.
- They would climb.
- I said-- - No, no, no,
this says you're always floating.
- I know-- - At 30 feet.
- But you could go higher, right?
This doesn't say-- - Can you go higher?
- I don't think so. - You can't go higher.
- [Mary] Or are you stuck at 30 feet?
- I don't, you're stuck at 30 feet.
- Oh so you can never go that high.
- So you don't even get this, you can't like,
and also this is not flying.
- [Raphael] Right.
- Like you can't go like.
Like through the air. - Yeah not even cool,
you're just--
- You're just kinda like.
(laughing)
- I say then if somebody needs me on the sixth floor
I say, look I got this weird condition,
meet me on the third and we'll talk.
- Yeah! - Yeah, yeah, that's good.
- But what's going on--
- This is my disability.
- What if you want to go to a movie theater?
- You probably can't see movies until the come out
and you have to watch them on like an iPad.
- Yeah.
- Yeah that's true, or--
- [Raphael] Unless someone's got--
- A drive in theater.
- That's true. - That or sometimes
villages will have screenings.
- Villages.
- Towns, cities, things of that nature will have
screenings. - What year is it?
(dramatic music)
- My first idea, pregnant with touch.
- Oh.
- Here's the thing guys, I don't want to be pregnant.
(laughing)
- Why did you motion to Zac?
- What about you?
- I mean that would be really bad for me.
- Yeah it would be terrible.
- I think if I was pregnant.
- Yeah.
- For me the worst thing possible was
a man touches you anywhere, even a little like this.
- A brush.
- You get pregnant.
So you're constantly pregnant!
- Are you pregnant with that man's baby?
- [Katie] Yeah.
- That's crazy.
- It is crazy, it would be a terrible curse.
- But is it like, does like cloth stop it?
- No, no. - Yeah, yeah.
- You're always--
- Can a woman make you pregnant or no, it's from a man.
- Um.
- Like if I bumped against you?
- I feel like we could maybe do a little,
no, I don't know, you know what--
- I think that'd be cool if like a woman--
- It'd be cool if everyone could, yeah.
- But like-- - For equality that's cool but
(laughing)
- But I, yeah.
- That's really cool.
- You know what, women should be able to
live the curse Katie too.
- I guess I was thinking like,
because there's so many men in this world
and also like you're constantly,
even not meaning to like you're gonna bump into
a dude that you don't know.
- [Mary] Yeah.
- And then you're gonna be pregnant with his baby!
- My mom had eight kids-- - Oh so it's not--
- I think she had this curse.
- [Katie] Yeah she did, she totally did.
- That's awful.
- Yes, you'd always have to be pregnant,
you'd have a billion children or you'd have to be
getting abortions left and right.
- I was gonna say, this doesn't sound like
it's going to be the most fundamentalist
Christian nice way of saying it.
- No.
- But I say you get pregnant for nine months, you're safe--
- Abort that thing.
- You abort that baby. - Yeah.
I would abort--
- But does contraception solve this?
- No it does not.
(laughing)
I thought of that, birth control does nothing.
A man touches you, you're pregnant.
(laughing)
- So you've got to become like a bubble lady.
- You have to be a bubble woman, you cannot,
maybe a woman only island you can live on.
- You can become an Amazonian.
- Yes! - What happens
when you have sex, is it like--
- You would have so many babies.
- Zac I can't wait for you to find out.
(laughing)
- This guy.
- What is it?
So can you wear like a suit of armor?
- Yeah, can you walk around like a knight?
- No, as I said and I will now repeat myself,
(laughing)
you are not safe, you can have 50 layers of sweaters on
a man (clicks tongue) you're pregnant.
- You're also always trying to explain to maybe a man,
hey--
- [Katie] Don't touch me.
- I sound insane but a month ago you ran into me
outside the metro exit and now you're my baby daddy
and no, don't walk away.
(dramatic music)
- That's it for this preview of the Rank Room,
if you enjoyed it, I have fantastic news,
there's a lot more of it over on Drop Out,
so got to dropout.tv and start your free trial today.
(percussive music)
I said go.
Okay fine, stay.
(percussive music)
Go!
I feel like--
- It's not what I wrote down. - Also not being able to die
is the worst this that I can imagine.
- Yeah.
- I want to die someday.
- Eternal life.
- I don't want that.