You're going to watch clear through this one because we've got a lot of
strategies for how to not let people take advantage of you. We got a whole
other video for what to do with the folks who are taking advantage of you.
Stay tuned for that as well. I think the first part of this question has to do
with fortifying yourself. Because some of the other steps are going to make a whole
lot more sense if you're in a strong place. So, let's talk for just a moment
about how to strengthen and fortify your own confidence.
We've got other videos here on the channel especially in the positive
personal development playlist that will speak specifically to how to increase
confidence and have yourself in a position where you can practice
assertiveness and setting up appropriate boundaries. And all of the things that
are required to make sure that other people are not taking advantage of you.
Your personal strengths will serve you well in so many ways. Realize that you've
got this. From a psychological standpoint, we take a position. Just notice that you
do this. You take a position about who you are and what you're capable of.
"Oh, I don't think I can do that." Right? That's a position, that's an attitude,
it's an opinion. And it's not even necessarily true. In fact, most of the
time, it's not. You can handle it. And the things that we fear sometimes
are really not that great. I've got a shelf over here where I keep little
monsters. Check this out. So, these are just the little characters from the
Disney Pixar Monsters Inc. And I get a whole shelf full of them. I keep monsters
around for a couple of reasons. Number 1, sometimes I get little people here
in the office and they love to play with this stuff. But the other reason is that
even the big people who come to my office have monsters in their life,
right? These things that seem so scary. The thing I love about my monsters is
the they're this big. They're tiny. They're just little. Yeah, they're monsters but
how big are they? Really. And I bring that up because the things that get us so
stuck in our own mind sometimes seem huge, seems scary, seem like monsters. When
really, they're this big. Put that in perspective. You can handle this. So, step
1, in setting yourself up so that people don't take advantage of you is to
build your self-confidence. Do whatever is necessary to make that happen. Now, I
got 5 tips for you so let's jump to number 2. Set budgets and boundaries.
Usually, I just say boundaries. But I added the word budgets too. Because of an
experience that I had recently. This was a family experience where some folks in
the extended family we're having a hard time paying for something. And have you
ever been in this position where someone just kind of looks at you like,
"Oh, will you pay for it?" Yeah, that's one way that people could take advantage of
you. I said budgets because you might want to put yourself in a position where
you can help. You can pay for this or you can pay for that. And buy pay for it, let's
let's keep in mind there's different ways to pay for things. It might be
through your time and effort but it might be through money too. So, a budget
is your way of putting a limit around how much you're willing to pay. Either in
money or time and effort or whatever. Resources that you have. Some limit. So
that, when you're approaching that limit, you can always go back to that and say,
"Oh, I would really love to help. I don't have the budget for that." See? Now, I know
that there's reasons why that could be hard to do. But just keep in mind you've
got to have a budget, you've got to have a boundary. What are the limits to which
I'm willing to go. You those ahead of time and then you can use
the budget or the boundary as the reason you give for not letting them take
advantage of you. That becomes the fallback or the bad guy,
if you want to have one. So, step number 2 is set budgets and boundaries. Number
3 get to yes with conditions. Now, you really want to say yes, right? When
someone needs some help or they come to you or have a request but you don't want
to be taken advantage of. So, one way to do that is to create an opportunity for
yes that put some of the responsibility back on the person who's making the
request. A great example has to do with teenagers who are constantly taking
advantage of their parents, right? So, just think of your teenager for just a minute.
Your teenager comes to you and says, "Hey, can I have this or that?" Get to yes with
conditions. So, "well, yes, my sweet teenage daughter. You may have a new car as soon
as you can show me how you'll keep the payments current." Okay, something like
that. Another way that you can phrase this is, "I really want to say yes to your
request. In order for that to happen..." And then you lay out the conditions. This
would need to happen first. Or I would need to be able to see that, that is true
before I can actually say yes. So, get to yes with conditions. That leads us right
into number 4. Say no when no is really what you mean. You can do this in
a nice way. A lot of my clients are hesitant to say no because they feel
like, "Oh, that wouldn't be nice or that would be mean or that would disappoint
people." Yeah, probably. Let's not worry too much
about that. If you mean though, you got to say no.
Because nobody is going to say it for you. And you do it in a nice, diplomatic,
compassionate way. One way to lead when you're saying no is to use
appreciation or gratitude. "Thank you, thank you so much for thinking of me or
for considering me. I won't be able to attend." Or simply, "I won't be attending" or
"I won't be providing that this time." And you say with a smile, okay? Because you're
nice. Nice and getting run over are not the same thing. It's okay for you to say
no. And that word is going to save you a whole lot of headache. Another way to say
no. That sounds like a really great project, it doesn't work for me to
participate right now. Did you hear that? "It doesn't work for me" is a good way to
say no. Here's another thing to remember, you don't owe them an explanation for
why you're saying no. You don't owe that to them. So, you don't have to convince
them that that's the best answer. You don't have to make them feel good about
your no. You just need to say no when no is what you really mean. Okay, I promised
you 5. Here's number 5. Don't be an opportunity stealer. Now, what do I mean
by that? The challenges that we face in our life create for us opportunities to
learn things, to grow, to develop, to stretch, to innovate. When people take
advantage of us, it's usually because of their problem, right? Yeah, that's almost
universally true. If you jump in and rescue them from their problem through
they're taking advantage of you, you have actually stolen from them an opportunity
to have their learning experience. You don't have to say anything about this to
them. This is all going on in your own mind, in
your own perception, in your own attitude about what it is that
you're doing. Keep in mind that they need, they need this problem to help them grow
and develop. If you take that position, you're going to be less likely to jump
in and rescue them or to steal that opportunity from them that they probably
need in the first place. One thing I love about our Live on Purpose TV audience is
that you guys are brilliant. Share your ideas about how to handle this topic
down below and let's get some conversations going.