SPEAKING OF TROPHIES, TONIGHT IS GAME FIVE OF THE NBA FINALS.
THE GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS COULD CLINCH THE CHAMPIONSHIP, THOUGH
BERNIE SANDERS INSISTS HE STILL HAS A CHANCE.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) NOW, I DON'T KNOW WHO WON THE
GAME BECAUSE WE TAPE AT 6:00 PM AND, MORE IMPORTANTLY, THE
GAME'S NOT ON CBS.
NOW, THE WARRIORS ARE UP AGAINST IT TONIGHT BECAUSE WARRIORS'
CENTER DRAYMOND GREEN WAS SUSPENDED FROM TONIGHT'S GAME
FOR DIRTY PLAY AGAINST LEBRON JAMES.
HERE HE IS SLAPPING KING JAMES RIGHT IN HIS LITTLE PRINCES.
A SUSPENSION IS PRETTY HARSH, THOUGH.
USUALLY THE REFS TAKE IT EASY ON A LOOSE BALL FOUL.
(LAUGHTER) NOW A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE SAYING
THIS IS A CONSPIRACY TO LET CLEVELAND WIN TONIGHT, SO IT
EXTENDS THE SERIES.
OKAY, BUT THIS ISN'T THE FIRST TIME GREEN'S ATTACKED SOME NBA
INSIDE STUFF.
IN THE CONFERENCE FINALS AGAINST OKLAHOMA CITY, HE VICIOUSLY
KICKED STEVEN ADAMS RIGHT IN THE PICK AND ROLLS.
DRAYMOND, I GET IT.
I KNOW YOU WANT TO WIN, BUT YOU CAN DO IT WITHOUT PASSING OUT
FREE BIRTH CONTROL.
(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)
OF COURSE, CHARLES BARKLEY DOESN'T AGREE.
HE DEFENDED GREEN'S ACTION.
>> WHEN A GUY STEPS OVER YOU, YOU HAVE A MORAL OBLIGATION TO
PUNCH HIM IN THE BALLS.
(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)
>> STEPHEN: NOTE TO SELF: DO NOT PLAY TWISTER WITH CHARLES
BARKLEY.
(LAUGHTER) OF COURSE, GOLDEN STATE MIGHT
STILL HAVE WON TONIGHT BECAUSE THEY HAVE STEPH CURRY.
HE'S A PHENOM.
HE'S THE FACE OF THE NBA, PLUS HE'S GOT THOSE PIERCING HAZEL
EYES I'M SECURE ENOUGH IN MY OWN MASCULINITY TO MENTION.
IS THERE ANYTHING HE CAN'T DO?
YES.
BECAUSE LAST WEEK UNDER ARMOR UNVEILED THEIR NEW CURRY
SIGNATURE SHOES, AND A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE MAKING FUN OF THEM
FOR BEING AS BLAND AS THEY ARE DULL.
BUT I SAY THEY NEED TO LAY OFF.
STEPH IS A CLASS ACT AND A GREAT PLAYER, A FRIEND OF THIS SHOW,
AND WE NEED TO FOCUS ON HIS SKILLS ON THE COURT -- NAH, I'M
SORRY, I CAN'T DO IT.
THESE SHOES ARE JUST TOO TERRIBLE.
(LAUGHTER) YOU KNOW WHAT?
I DIDN'T THINK I WAS GOING TO GO THIS TONIGHT, BUT, JIMMY,
I GOT TO TAKE THE GLOVES OFF.
♪ (CRASHING SOUND)
NOW REMEMBER, STEPH -- THIS HURTS ME AS MUCH AS IT HURTS
YOU.
>> ROUND ONE!
(RINGING BELL) ♪
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) OH, YEAH!
OH, BABY!
I LOVE TO WATCH YOU WALK AWAY.
ALL RIGHT.
HERE WE GO.
PUT 'EM UP!
DAMN STEPH CURRY, THESE SHOES LOOK LIKE THEY ARE PUTTING
THEMSELVES THROUGH NURSING SCHOOL.
(LAUGHTER) UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
NO, FOR REAL, STEPH -- THESE NEW SHOES ARE GOING TO LOOK GREAT
NEXT SEASON, SO LONG AS THE WARRIORS UNIFORMS BECOME KHAKI
PANTS AND A BABY BJORN.
(LAUGHTER) BUT ALL JOKING ASIDE, STEPH, I
CAN'T WAIT TO WEAR THESE KICKS...
HOW MUCH DO I HAVE TO DONATE TO NPR'S PLEDGE DRIVE TO GET THEM
AS A GIFT?
(LAUGHTER) STEPH, HONESTLY, THESE SHOES
LOOK LIKE A GOLF CART HAD SEX WITH A JAR OF MAYONNAISE.
(LAUGHTER) STEPH, DO YOU WEAR THESE SHOES
TO PLAY FOR GOLDEN STATE OR THE GOLDEN GIRLS?
(LAUGHTER) STEPH, THESE SHOES ARE SO BLAND
YOU SHOULD HAVE CALLED THEM "AIR JOSH GROBANS."
(LAUGHTER) IF YOU WEAR THEM DURING A GAME,
BE CAREFUL.
IF YOU LOOK DOWN AT THEM DURING A JUMP-SHOT, YOU WILL FALL
ASLEEP IN MID-AIR.
(LAUGHTER) ALL RIGHT.
IT'S TIME FOR THE KNOCKOUT BLOW.
STEPH CURRY, THESE SHOES ARE SO LAME THAT I, A 50-YEAR OLD
SUBURBAN DAD, THINK THEY LOOK COMFORTABLE, AND I COULD WEAR
THEM ON WEEKENDS WHEN I BARBECUE.
IN FACT, I BOUGHT A PAIR.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) (RINGING BELL)
BOOM!
>> EIGHT... NINE... TEN...
IT'S A KNOCKOUT!
>> STEPHEN: TAKE THAT, STEPH CURRY!
(RINGING BELL) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
NOW ALL YOU HAVE IS YOUR AMAZING CAREER, YOUR MILLIONS OF DOLLARS
AND THESE SUPRISINGLY COMFORTABLE SHOES.
I REALLY LIKE 'EM!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ANNA CHLUMSKY!