- Hey everybody.
It's Thursday, and you know what that means.
That means that I'm on Twitter and if you haven't found
me on Twitter, @KatiMorton, hello, you can follow me,
and I tweet out interesting funny things and updates
and it's actually one of the easiest ways for me
to communicate information to all of you,
because it's just like an alert system, I feel like.
So I use it mainly for that, so if you're feelin' like
you're missin' out on things, make sure you follow me.
I have four questions today,
so if you asked you're questions
using the #KatiFAQ or sent them to me @KatiMorton,
I found them and I'm gonna answer them.
And I also have a journal topic today,
so stay tuned for that and as always,
make sure you add me on Google+.
I saw a couple of you who made comments on my videos,
and I can't comment back unless you've added me.
I know it's annoying and I know it's like an extra step,
but then I can communicate with you,
so when you leave your comments, I can comment back.
So make sure you add me there,
and give this a Plus One, okay.
Number one, question number one, "New to meal plans,
"but this feels like another diet that I won't stick to
"and I'll end up binging and purging
"and I'll feel like crap again."
Womp, womp.
First of all, that sounds like your eating disorder voice,
very negative, and it's just not true.
The interesting thing about meal plans,
and if you have any questions about seeing a dietician,
I have a whole series on that with my girlfriend, Kate,
that I used to work with, in some eating disorder clinics
that I worked at.
She has some really good information in those videos,
but meal plans are different from a diet,
because you're not sticking.
There's not like, oh you can't have this,
or you can't have that.
There's always a way to work it into your meal plan,
and a meal plan will change over time and it will adjust
because if you're hungry and you find that meal plan's
not enough, you let your dietician know,
or your doctor know, and they'll add other things in
or add things to your snacks, or make your snacks bigger,
or your meals bigger, or whatever to cater to your hunger
and fullness cues.
And if you find yourself overly full, you let them know
and there'll be ways that they can
bring things down for you.
So it's not a set diet, and there's no nos in it.
It's not like you can't have this,
or you can't have that.
There's room for everything in a healthy rounded diet,
trust me.
If you haven't checked out that book, Intuitive Eating,
it's a workbook, I love that book.
It talks about eating when you're hungry,
stopping when you're full, and getting used to feeling
that in your body, knowing what level of hunger
and fullness you're at, so yeah.
Know that it's different, it's not a diet, okay,
and just give it a try.
I promise you'll be very surprised.
Question number two.
"How can I show I care without trying to fix them,
"especially online where you can't give somebody silence?
"I feel uncaring if I don't try and help
"but I hate when people try and solve everything
"when all I want to be is just listened to.
"It's just hard not to do that to others."
I totally understand.
It's a little trickier online because it's not like
we have the personal space where you can kind of
sit with each other and you can be quiet,
and you know, are you feelin' okay
and kind of check in, it's a slower process.
We don't have that luxury.
It's different.
It's like we're on chat rooms or we're messaging,
and it's quick and it's only verbal, right.
It's only through typing.
We don't have that like physical way about it,
like showing you care by touching their arm
or hugging them or letting them know you're there.
There isn't as much of that.
I think the one thing that all of us need to do
to kind of let ourselves off the hook of having
to solve everybody's problems, and be there for everybody,
'cause it seems really unmanageable is telling people,
well I'm here if you need me,
and knowing that, that's at their discretion
if they want help they can ask for it,
if they just wanna be listened to.
I find the easiest thing as a therapist,
'cause a lot of times that what clients want.
I will simply mirror back what they're saying.
So if someone comes to me, and they're like,
"Oh my gosh, my boyfriend broke up with me
"and it's just terrible.
"I thought he was the one.
"I thought we we're gonna get married.",
and they're goin'on and on,
they're very tearful, they're crying.
I will start out by saying something like,
"I'm so sorry that has to really hurt.
"It'd be terrible to loose somebody like that.
"I'm so sorry, you know, what have you been doing
"to take care of yourself?"
And you're just, I'm just mirroring back what they say.
I'm just validating their feelings around what happened
and then I'm testing to make sure they know
that I'm supportive and I'm there.
I'm offering a little bits of tips and advice,
but you don't always have to do that.
You can just say, I'm so sorry that, that happened.
You validate what's going on and then you say,
I'm here if you just need to talk, I'll listen.
I know that kind of is hard, but as we practice it,
I think it'll feel good to you,
because you won't feel like you're on the hook
to solve everything and it'll feel better to them
because they may just want someone to listen,
and to validate.
Oftentimes, that's all we're looking for when we vent,
is just to have someone say, "I hear you.
"I understand where you're coming from,
"and that really sucks!"
Yeah, that's kind of all we want.
So I would give it a try, and see how it feels, okay.
And if any of you have tips and things
that you've found really helpful when you're dealing
with friends and you realize that they don't want you
to solve their problems, they just want you to listen,
what are some things that you say?
Let us know below, okay.
Question number three, "What triggers a repressed memory?
"Is there a reason that it suddenly comes back?"
This is a great question,
'cause I know many of us have abused past,
and things will trigger us and we'll dissociate,
or we'll have a flashback, or something will happen
and there are many various reasons.
Everybody's different, and if any of you've had
this happen and you know what triggered it,
you can let us know below, like always.
But in my experience with my clients,
I find that it's usually something triggers the memory
and it's usually something for a reason,
like, it could be something that we didn't even notice
at the time, like a smell, a sound,
the feeling of something, like depending on what happened
to us and what was going on when that was happening,
different things can trigger us,
but I find it to be very five-sense oriented.
So something we smelled, something we tasted,
something we heard.
We have all of those, they'll trigger us
and that memory will come back.
Also many of my clients have reported that in times
of like intense stress, when something gets really scary
or stressful, that can bring it back again.
But just be aware, take note,
talk to your therapist about it.
Just pay attention so that we can better avoid them,
and then we can better prepare when we know we really
can't avoid them if that makes sense.
'Cause is something that will come and go in our lives,
always, and finding better ways to manage it,
other coping skills, will keep our stress level down,
so that these memories don't come flooding back
at really inopportune times.
Okay, I hope that helps.
And if any of you, always share your experience, okay,
if you have some helpful things that have worked for you.
Question number four, "What do you do if you're bisexual
"and you know that some of your family members
"are against that and the LGBT community?"
It's really difficult, and many of you,
if you haven't and you have questions about this,
check out my videos I'm putting out with one of my friends,
Rocio, and we talk about her process with coming out
and being gay, and her family was not one
that was very accepting of it, initially.
With my experience with her, and other clients
that I've had, I find that working on yourself first,
talking to your therapist, coming to terms with what
you believe is best for you, what feels right for you,
and starting to practice with your therapist
talking about it, because we have to kind of be prepared.
People can respond really poorly,
but this is a personal, this is your own personal thing,
and this has nothing to do with anybody else,
and I think the more we practice and the more assured
we feel in ourselves and what we feel is best for us,
the better it will go.
I've had clients who've had bad experiences,
mainly because they didn't really know for sure themselves,
and I know it sounds bad to say, oh keep this from them
for a while, but just make sure that you feel secure first,
and you're able to express what your feelings are
and what you want them to know in a very,
I guess affirmative way.
You want them to know that this is what's going on with you,
this is how you are, and this is what's important to you,
and these are the people that you love and care about,
and that's all.
It doesn't change who you are.
It's just part of who you are,
and what makes you just so wonderful.
So I would work on it with your therapist.
I would start journaling.
I would even practice in front of a mirror,
talking it out, because by the time you go
into talk to a parent or a family member,
I wanna make sure you feel ready,
and you have all the tools, to verbalize it
and to be secure in it, and I find the more secure
and straightforward and everything that we are
with family and friends, the better they take it.
So I would just start practicing.
Make sure you feel good about it.
Prepare for good and bad responses with your therapist,
kind of walking through how you'll go through it,
and how you'll cope with it afterwards,
and then go ahead with it,
because you are who you are, right,
and the people who, what's that quote?
"Those who mind don't matter,
"and those who matter don't mind."
So that's kind of what Rocio was saying in that video too,
so trust me it'll be okay.
Okay!
Now the journal topic today,
because it's the wintertime, and it is very cold,
brrh!
Well it's not that cold.
I'm in California, but it is cold to us!
I'm going to Montreal for Christmas,
and it's really frickin' cold there,
so finish this sentence.
As long as you want, or do many sentences
with this beginning.
Sunshine makes me feel...
Is just love that, I don't know why that stood out.
I have this book of journal topic ideas
and this was one of my favorites.
So, sunshine makes me feel...
It makes me feel cozy and lazy,
yeah, and thirsty (laughs)!
So take som time, write those down, even draw.
If you wanna do another Mandala like we talked about
yesterday, make one of those.
And please share.
I've been loving all your creativity
and seeing all our photos, so please shoot those to me
either on Twitter or on Instagram.
I love you all.
I'll see you tomorrow 'cause it's Friday
and I'll be on Facebook!
Okay see you then, bye!