.
>> WINE IS ALWAYS GOOD, OKAY?
I LIKE TO, IF IT'S -- IF THE
PERSON IS OF AGE.
BUT THEN --
[LAUGHTER]
THIS YEAR, SO I WENT OVER TO THE
FEED STORE OVER IN BROOKLYN THAT
LAUREN HAS, AND THEY HAVE ALL
SORTS OF DIFFERENT PRODUCTS,
STARTING WITH BAGS.
THEY NOW HAVE LITTLE ANIMALS,
STUFFED ANIMALS AND CANDLES,
THINGS LIKE THAT.
AND IF YOU BUY ONE OF THEIR
PRODUCTS, IT CORE RESPONDS WITH
HOW MANY MEALS THAT GIFT WOULD
BUY FOR SOMEBODY ELSE.
SO I KIND OF LIKE THAT ONE THIS
YEAR.
>> THAT'S VERY GOOD.
>> I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU
JUST SAID.
[LAUGHTER]
>> IT'S LIKE A SOCIAL --
>> IT'S CHARITABLE.
>> OH, SO YOU BUY A GIFT --
>> THE STORE'S PROFITS HELP
PEOPLE BUY FOOD WITH IT.
>> HOW MUCH DO THEY GIVE AWAY?ç
>> OH, REALLY?
THAT'S GOOD.
>> ALL RIGHT, GREG, DON'T TRY TO
SLOW MY ROLE HERE.
[LAUGHTER]
OKAY, JESSIE, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
YOU HAVE TO GET A GIFT --
>> I'M A BIG REGIFTER.
>> OH, NO.
>> SO IF SOMEONE GIVES ME
SOMETHING I BOUGHT, BUT YOU HAVE
BECAUSE I'VE GIVEN GIFTS TO
THAT PERSON.
IT'S HAPPENED ONCE OR TWICE.
ALSO I LIKE WINE, AND HERE'S
WHY: NO ONE KNOWS HOW MUCH THE
WINE COST.
SO IT COULD BE A $13 BOTTLE OF
WINE --
>> NO NO, THERE'S AN APP.
THERE'S AN APP --
>> DON'T TELL THE AUDIENCE THAT.
[LAUGHTER]
>> THEY MAY GET A JESSE GIFT, A
REGIFTED BOTTLE OF WINE.
YOU HAVE SOME IN YOUR OFFICE.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU HAVEN'T WRITTEN A BOOK YET,
BECAUSE THAT'S THE ULTIMATE
>> JUST HAVING A STACK OF BOOKS.
>> YES.
WHENEVER I DON'T, I JUST GRAB A
BOOK.
>> IN LIEU OF THAT, I'M GOING TO
DO A SIGNED HEAD SHOT.
[LAUGHTER]
>> YOU IMAGINE, HE'S THE KIND OF
GUY THAT GIVES A SIGNED HEAD
REQUESTED.
THAT'S PART OF IT, RIGHT?
>> WHO DOESN'T WANT TO SIGNED
HEAD SHOT?
>> GERALDO DOES THAT ON
AIRPLANES FOR PEOPLE.
>> GERALDO?
OH, MY GOD.
THE NEXT ONE IS FROM KIMBERLY
G., WHICH WASN'T ME --
>> IT WASN'T YOU?
>> NO, IT WASN'T ME THAT THIS
QUESTION IN.
>> THAT'S A COINCIDENCE.
YOU JUST GIVE PEOPLE MONEY.
>> CASH, JUAN?
FOR A GIFT FOR SOMEBODY YOU
DON'T REALLY KNOW?
>> JUAN DOLLARS.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> BITCOIN.
[LAUGHTER]
>> YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE?
GIFT CARDS.
BUT THEN I READ IN THE NEWSPAPER
THAT THEY DON'T USE THEM.
>> WHY NOT?
>> SO THE COMPANIES --
>> FORGET.
>> -- GET TONS OF MONEY FROM
PEOPLE WHO DON'T USE GIFT CARDS,
BECAUSE THEY END UP IN YOUR
KITCHEN DRAWER, OH, YEAH, WE'VE
GOT THIS GIFT CARD, AND
SOMETIMES IT EXPIRES.
>> JESSE REALLY LOVES GIFT CARDS
FROM DEL FRESCO'S.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
>> IF I ACTUALLY HAVE TO GO
SHOPPING, AND THAT'S VERY RARE.
I'LL GO TO A MALL FOR FUN, BUT
IF IT'S SOMEBODY I DON'T KNOW
AND I SOMEHOW HAVE TO GET THEM A
GIFT, WHICH IS CRAZY ANYWAY --
BEING IN NEW YORK ALL THE TIME,
A COUPLE OF CHRISTMASES I'VE
BEEN HERE, AT CHRISTMAS TIME I
>> AND YOU HAVE TO GIVE THE
PEOPLE WHO WORK IN THE HOTEL AND
>> YEAH.ç
>> AND PRETTY P SOON YOU'RE
LIKE, WOW, THIS IS EXPENSIVE.
>> TELL ME ABOUT IT.
MY MASSEUSE, MY FOOTMAN --
[LAUGHTER]
>> MY SOUS CHEF.
>> YOUR FOOTMAN IS WHAT I'M
CONCERNED ABOUT.
>> IT'S INTERESTING.
MY FOOTMAN, WE GO WAY BACK.
I WON'T GET INTO IT HERE.
HE KNOWS A LOT OF DIRTY SECRETS.
>> BEGINNING WITH YOUR FEET.
SAD TO SAY, SO DO I.
>> BUT LET ME FINISH MY THOUGHT.
>> OH, YES, THERE'S MORE!
[LAUGHTER]
>> SO I THINK IN ADDITION TO
MONEY GIFT CARDS, I ALWAYS THINK
>> THAT'S A COMMITMENT.
>> YEAH, BUT THEY HAVE THEM IN
THE SUPERMARKET THESE DAYS.
>> YOU COULD GRAB ONE AND GIVE
IT TO ONE OF YOUR PEOPLE THAT
YOU DON'T KNOW THAT WELL.
>> I DIDN'T THINK OF THAT.
THAT'S --
DOORMAN.
>> NO.
I'M SAYING DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH
MONEY EVENTUALLY, BECAUSE NOT
ONLY -- IT'S NOT ONE DOOR MATCH.
IT'S LIKE --
>> ALL THE DOORMEN.
>> YOU HAVE A GREAT IDEA ABOUT
GIFT CARDS.
THEY SHOULD BE USEFUL.
LIKE A GIFT CARD THAT'S LIKE
$100 FOR TOILET PAPER.
YOU'RE GOING TO USE THAT.
>> WHY DOES IT ALWAYS GO BACK TO
TOILET PAPER?
[LAUGHTER]
>> YOU COULD GET IT FROM AMAZON.
LET'S MOVE ON TO THE REST OF MY
AWESOME QUESTIONS.
DO YOU HAVE A CHILDHOOD FAMILY
CHRISTMAS TRADITION THAT YOU'VE
CARRIED INTO YOUR ADULT LIFE?
>> WELL, I GUESS IT'S ATTENDING
LIKE THE CANDLE LIGHT ONE?
EXCEPT I LIKE TO GO AT 7 P.M.
>> I GO TO THE OFFICE, AND I'VE
BROKEN ALL THE TRADITIONS
BECAUSE I WITH WAS FORCED TO GOT
BECAUSE I WITH WAS FORCED TO GOO
CHRISTMAS, AND NOW BECAUSE I CAN
DECIDE MYSELF BECAUSE I'M A MAN,
I DON'T GO TO CHURCH ANYMORE ON
CHRISTMAS.
>> WOW, THAT WASN'T VERY --
>> YEAH, I'VE GOT THE TELL
YOU --
>> IT'S A CROWDED SERVICE AND
WHY NOT GO ON THE OTHER SUNDAY?
>> I THINK YOU SHOULD RECALL
THAT ANSWER.
>> NO, ACTUALLY, I AGREE WITH
YOU.
>> THANK YOU, JUAN.
IF JUAN AGREES NOW --
>> OH, MY GOD!
[LAUGHTER]
WHO DISPARAGES THE LORD IN THIS
CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY.
I'M JUST TELLING YOU, FOR THAT
SERVICE IT'S, LIKE, PACKED --
>> IT'S, LIKE, THE MOST SPECIAL
DAY BESIDES EASTER.ç
>> I THINK EASTER IS THE HIGH
CHRISTIAN HOLIDAY.
BUT ANYWAY, I THINK -- SO THERE
ARE TWO THINGS THAT HAPPEN.
ONE IS ORNAMENTS ON THE TREE
THAT, YOU KNOW, MY PARENTS AND
MY WIFE'S PARENTS BOTH HANDED
DOWN ORNAMENTS, AND WE HAVE NOW
HANDED DOWN ORNAMENTS LIKE MY
SON, HE JUST GOT A HOUSE, AND
AND HE HAS A BAY WINDOW WITH A
>> ALL RIGHT.
LET'S DO A COUPLE OF THESE
QUICKER, SHALL WE?
FROM SUSAN W., WHAT IS YOUR
FAITH CHRISTMAS CAROL?
>> I HATE CHRISTMAS CAROLS, AS
YOU KNOW.
>> PASSING FROM GREG --
>> YOU DIDN'T LET ME GIVE MY
TRADITION.
I GO AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD AND
SEE WHO HAS THE MOST CHRISTMAS
LIGHTS, AND I STEAL THEIR
LADDER.
[LAUGHTER]
>> THAT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY FUNNY
AND DEVIOUS.
>> YOU CAN OR CARRY A LADDER ALL
>> GOOD FOR YOU.
>> FAVORITE CHRISTMAS CAROL.
>> MY FAVORITE CHRISTMAS CAROL.
>> CAROL CHANNING?
CAROL BRADY!
>> I THINK WALKING IN A WINTER
WONDERLAND IS A GOOD ONE.
I GET THAT STUCK IN MY HEAD A
LOT.
>> THAT'S A GOOD ONE, I LIKE IT
TOO.
>> WHAT ABOUT HARK THE ANGELS
SING?
>> THE HERALD ANGELS --
>> THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
>> JESSE'S LIKE CHRISTMAS FAIL.
OKAY, GREG, DO YOU HAVE A
CHRISTMAS CAROL?
>> I THINK WE ALREADY CAME TO
ME.
>> NO, YOU DIDN'T ANSWER.
>> I WOULD SAY CAROL BRADY FROM
THE BRADY BUNCH.
>> OKAY.
JUAN, ONE ANSWER.
>> WELL, I DON'T THINK THERE'S
MUCH -- I'LL BE HOME FOR
CHRISTMAS.
>> OH, SOME CLASS YOU CANS.
>> BY THE WAY, CAN I TELL YOU
SOMETHINGSOME.
>> YEAH.
[LAUGHTER]
>> MY DAUGHTER GOT A NEW CAR
THIS YEAR --
>> IS THIS A JOKE?
>> NO.
SHE GOT A NEW CAR --
>> FOR CHRISTMAS?
>> NO.
>> YOUR SON GETS A HOUSE, YOUR
DAUGHTER GETS A CAR, THE
ECONOMY'S DOING GREAT!
[LAUGHTER]
>> OH, MY GOSH, THAT'S CUTE.
>> MINE'S H2OS.
GET IT?
>> WATTERS.
>> WHY DOES THAT SURPRISE YOU?
>> THEY CAN TRACK WHAT CAR
YOU'RE IN, AND I WANT TO KEEP A
LOW PROFILE.
[LAUGHTER]
>> EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU SCREAMS
LOW PROFILE.
[LAUGHTER]
FROM KENDRA A., JESSE, YOU'LL
LOVE IN THIS QUESTION.
IT INVOLVES YOUR VERY SPECIAL
RELATIONSHIP.
[LAUGHTER]
IF YOU COULD GIVE THE PRESIDENT
A GIFT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
>> A SIGNED HEAD SHOT.
ALREADY DID IT!
[LAUGHTER]
ALREADY DID IT.
>> DID YOU REALLY?
>> YEAH, I DID.
>> DANA?
>> A JASPER CALENDAR.
>> OH, MY GOD, A GOOD ONE.
SO THEY CAN KEEP TRACK OF THE
DAYS.
>> OBVIOUSLY, I'D GIVE THEM A
MAP OF KENYA.
>> OH, JEEZ.
[LAUGHTER]
JUAN?
GO AHEAD.
[LAUGHTER]
>> JUAN?
>> DID YOU MEAN TRUMP?
>> YES.
IT'S A JOKE, REMEMBER?
PRESIDENT OBAMA, HE WOULD GIVE
IT TO HILLARY CLINTON IF SHE WAS
PRESIDENT AND ALSO TRUMP, I
THINK SO.
>> AND A CASE OF DIET COKE.
>> APPARENTLY, HE WOULD LOVE
THAT.
>> I LOVE DIET COAT.
>> JUAN?
>> I WOULD GIVE HIM A LUMP OF
COAL.
>> OOH!
[LAUGHTER]
>> OH, WOW.
>> YOU KNOW WHY?
BECAUSE HE'S MAKING COAL GREAT
AGAIN.
[LAUGHTER]
>> THERE YOU GO.
YOU GUYS ALL TOOK IT AS A
NEGATIVE.
>> COAL IS CHEAPER NOW, TWO
LUMPS.
>> TWO LUMPS.