-This is the parenting power-up video series number 1 of 20.
The four principles of positive parenting.
Welcome to the parenting power-up video series. I'm Dr. Paul Jenkins a child and
family psychologist and this is -I'm Vicki Jenkins, I'm a speech-language pathologist.
-We've worked for our entire career with children and adolescents and families and parents and we've
learned a few things, right? -Yeah. -This series is the video version of a program that we put
together probably almost a decade ago. -And we've been coaching parents for much longer than that.
-What it comes down to is principle and when we talk about principles. It's all about natural
laws like gravity for example. Do you ever get up in the morning and think. I wonder if gravity's
on today. It tends to be. -Right. -And these principles of positive parenting are some that
we have found through our career, through clinical experience to be the foundational principles that
every parent needs to know. -And we have four principles we're going to share with you today,
we'll go into more detail of course as we go through the principles and the rules that kind of
go along with them. But we want to just give you that overview of the four principles today. -Now,
the first principle of positive parenting is that parenting is first about personal development.
-You know I heard something, I'm trying to remember who said it but I heard something
about the product of positive parenting is the parent. -Oh, it was Dr. Anderson. -Right. A lot of
times I think people think oh, I'm going to do all this positive parenting and I'm going to get this
product of a perfect child turned out exactly as I want them. But really what it is is about personal
development and who we become as a parent. -I'm remembering that conversation, Vicki. It was
Dr. Lily de Hoya Anderson and I was interviewing her on my podcast. That caught my attention too.
Because a lot of times going into parenting we're thinking okay, what can we do to fix the kids?
-Change this child, right? -And a lot of parents realize as they get into positive parenting.
Oh, it's kind of about me. -Yeah -And that stings a little sometimes. But it's kind of
like do you remember a time when we were driving in Southern Utah? And probably you've done this
at some point too where you get lost in your thoughts, you go right past your exit and I
did this. I was driving okay, and I knew I was in the wrong place when I saw that sign Arizona
welcomes you. This is a whole different state if you know the geography Southern Utah. It's
right next door. But I had missed my exit we're in the wrong estate and I looked down and I see
whose hands are on my steering wheel which bites a little honestly. It's like oh, I'm here because
I drove here. -Yeah -And it's kind of like that when we talk about parenting being a personal
development adventure. You're going to see your own hands on the wheel and if it stings a little
that's okay. Just stay with us because there's more to come. -Well, there's empowerment because
that means you can turn the car around and go where you want and that's where the personal
development is. It's just, it's really empowering of how I can show up as a parent. -It's kind of
like the bad news is also the good news. Because if my hands are on the wheel like you said Vicki,
we can take it anywhere we want to go. -The second principle of positive parenting is that you work
as a team and this team can look very different. There is a parenting team that you want to put
together and lean on them for some support. So, what are the kinds of teams we might see?
-Well, obviously if you're in a marriage. Your spouse, your parenting partner is the number
one person on your team. -But there's a lot of people who don't have that spouse or that partner
in it. And so, that's what we're talking about you want to make a parenting team. It might be
a parent that you have in your life. It might be a close friend. It might be a sister that you can
rely on to help you. Somebody to bounce ideas off of. Somebody to help you see things the way that
is a little clearer and out of your own head. Do you remember I used to have a t-shirt? That said
it takes a village to raise a child and you've probably heard that phrase before. This is getting
into that team mentality. You don't have to do this alone and as you look around yourself and
see who your parenting team is. Who helps me with child care? Who helps me to keep me up when I'm
feeling down? Who helps me to cover the necessary tasks that need to happen as a parent? -And Vicki
we get to be on your team. -Yeah. -How awesome is that? We are now on your parenting team. So, let's
do this as a team. Remember, all four of these principles will go into detail throughout this
series and give you some very practical steps that you can take to make sure that these principles
are the foundation of your parenting. Principle number three maybe should be principle number one.
I don't know we just picked some order for these. I'll tell you why it's so important after I share
it with you. Principle number three is the positive parenting is all about unconditional
love. You'll see in the next video as we get into your job as a parent, why this is so
very important. Here's a little disclaimer. We are going to be sharing some parenting tips and tricks
and tools and strategies as we go through this program. Any of those that we share with you are
simply manipulation. If you forget this principle because it's about unconditional love and as long
as that's where you're coming from as a parent. You're going to get some phenomenal ideas we're
going to share some really great strategies that you can apply to help with behavioral problems
for example. -And I think we'll even give you some information that will allow you to challenge maybe
some of the ways you've defined what unconditional love is or other topics that we talk about. -Well,
as you say that Vicki you know a lot of times we think about love as a feeling, and you and I both
know there are times when you're not feeling that, right? If you're frustrated or angry or
resentful. In fact, you know here on the channel. The number one video over the past four years on
this channel is how to get your kids to listen without yelling. -Right. -And why are we yelling?
Because we feel frustrated. -Right. -Frustration anger and resentment. So,
you're not necessarily feeling very loving at sometimes. We'll give you ideas on how to handle
that as well. But that unconditional love has to be at the foundation or everything else that
we share with you is simply manipulation. -The fourth principle we'll talk about if positive
parenting is that. It's all about stage and not age and that might sound a little bit different
to people. We're going to go into this in a lot of detail in one of our next videos. But it's
about kind of where the child is in their moral development, more than what the chronological
age they are. -We will share with you a powerful model. In fact, this is in video number five in
the series where you will learn what every parent has to know about control and maturity and just
to give a little preview to that. This comes from my experience as a clinical psychologist.
Do you remember years ago when I was on a team to create a program for juvenile delinquents?
Do you remember this? -I do. -And that's kind of a harsh term perhaps. But this is how the court was
defining it. These are teenagers who were referred through the court for ungovernable or delinquent
behavior. They'd gotten into trouble with the law and our idea was can we keep these kids at home?
See, a lot of times they get pulled out of the home. They get sent to a facility a wilderness
program or even incarcerated. -Right. -And they tend to make improvements in those
closed settings, right? They're not about around their friends or doing the same things that they
normally did. But we had to come up with a model that would work within a family and that's the one
we're going to be sharing with you. That's coming up in video number five. It's all about stage,
not age. -We're excited to share these principles with you and hope that you enjoy the journey with
us. Take some time to subscribe now to the channel and watch that playlist that
way you won't miss anything and you'll be able to improve your parenting and parent with positivity.