Well hey there I'm Emma from mmmEnglish
and today I want to show you how you can
communicate confidently in English, especially
if you feel shy.
Do you sometimes feel shy when you speak
in English?
Perhaps you don't feel shy all the time. Maybe there's
another adjective that you want to insert
into this space instead.
Let me know your adjective down in the comments
below and let's get started!
Now shyness is a deeply personal experience.
The way that I experience shyness is different
from the way that you do and the way that you
experience shyness is different from someone else
who's watching this video right now.
So I want to go over some strategies that you can
use to feel less shy when you speak to people.
They may not all work for you but I'm hoping
that there are a couple of little gold nuggets in there
to get you excited about
changing the way that you feel.
Being shy relates to how fearful you are
in social situations so it relates to
how you feel when you interact with other people.
Now most of us are pretty relaxed when we're
chatting with our friends right but we might feel
shy or a little nervous when speaking to our boss.
If you're learning a language, it is completely possible
to feel shy in some situations where
you just wouldn't feel shy if you were using
your own language so your level of shyness
and anxiety changes in different situations
so that means that shyness is not a permanent state.
You absolutely have the ability to change it.
If you are disagreeing with some of the things that
I'm saying right now then it's probably not worth
continuing with this video. We're just gonna have to
agree to disagree.
You can stop being shy.
Shyness can be overcome and confidence
is something that you can learn and you can
practise it over time.
So I've got some tips to help you
do this in today's lesson.
Now you may already know that in addition
to the lessons and courses that I create
here at mmmEnglish,
I'm also the founder of The Ladies' Project,
a social networking platform for women
learning English.
The Ladies' Project makes it easy and affordable
for women around the world to connect,
make friends, practise and speak English with ease.
The reason I'm sharing this with you today is
because over at The Ladies' Project, I've created
a free mini course to help you find the courage
and the confidence to speak in English.
Anyone can sign up to the course and complete it
for free.
I've linked to it down in the description below.
When you're talking to someone in English and you're
feeling shy, what are you thinking about?
What are you worried about?
What's going through your head?
You might be thinking something like
I'm gonna say the wrong thing
and I'm gonna embarrass myself or
I don't think they like me.
I don't think they can understand me.
I think they think I'm stupid
and I don't know what I'm talking about right now.
I don't know what to say.
All of these things right?
But here's the thing. The real reason why you feel shy
and you have trouble connecting with others
is because in this moment when you're feeling shy
you are far too focused on yourself.
To feel less shy,
you have to stop thinking about yourself.
With all of these thoughts going on in your head
how can you have a genuine meaningful
conversation with anyone?
You're so lost in your own doubts and worries and
concerns instead of paying attention to the
opportunity that's right there in front of you.
So what we need to do is shift the focus
away from yourself and deliberately
focus on the person that you're talking to instead
which brings me to my next point.
Be curious.
Be curious about the people that you're talking to
right treat any conversation as if it's a
a mini investigation.
What can you learn about this person?
What can you find out about them?
If you adopt this mindset, you do a couple
of really awesome things.
So firstly, it's going to help you to take the focus off
yourself right and you'll feel less worried about
what you might do wrong or what you said wrong
but the second thing is that it helps that person that
you're talking to feel like you're interested in them
which is what we all love to feel in a conversation
right? You can practise this skill anywhere. It doesn't
matter if it's with your boss or with the
guy at the corner store, whatever.
Just practise this skill of being curious.
To do this well
you need to practise asking questions.
Just simple questions and have a few of those
simple questions on hand,
ready to ask at any moment.
There are so many little opportunities that pop up
during a day when you could ask someone
Hey how's your day been so far?
Or have you got any plans for the weekend?
Questions like this are simple but they help to
open up a conversation
and they help you to start investigating.
I've made a whole video about small talk questions
so if you need some ideas and some
inspiration for questions to ask,
check it out. I've linked it up here.
Now what about when you get asked
a question during a conversation because
if you're feeling nervous and shy,
your natural reaction will probably be
quick answer something! Say something quickly!
Don't go into detail
there's less chance that you'll make a mistake.
Quick just say something and get out of there!
But this discomfort, that fear that you feel
in those moments is exactly where you need to play.
You know, when you get asked a question
recognise that fear when you start to feel it and then
challenge yourself to stay there where that fear is
and elaborate a little more on your responses
so if someone asks you a simple question
and your answer is yes or no,
always, always, always, always
aim to give more detail in your answers.
Never provide a one-word answer,
always think of a way to elaborate.
Another way to overcome shyness and actually
speak up in a conversation is to have
a story to share.
So stories are what connect us as humans right
and sharing them helps you to develop
meaningful relationships and connect with people
in a more personal way. So think about the stories
that you can share. Think about some of the really
common questions that you get asked.
I mean, for example, where are you from?
You know, you could easily say
I'm from Lebanon
or you could choose to elaborate
and you could say something like
I'm from a beautiful village in the mountains in
the north of Lebanon where it snows on the peaks
even in the middle of summer.
And just by sharing that little extra bit of information
I'm instantly intrigued. I'm much more likely to ask
you another question since you've been so
open and so generous with your response.
So I'm asking you now, can you think of a story
related to your hometown?
If you can just practise telling it, what words can
you use to describe the people or the smells
or the food or your family traditions, just rehearse
that story.
Write it down, get it in the right order.
Get all the right bits in there and just practise it
over and over again until it comes naturally.
This is one of my tactics that I use because
for a long time, if someone asked me
Tell me about your business, I'd get really stuck
and I'd freeze and I was kind of embarrassed about it
like why can't you just explain what you do
really easily? Why is it so weird?
So I decided that I was going to write it down
and I got all of the right bits of information
that I needed in there to help explain it,
got it in the right order.
Then I practised it, I practised it in front of the mirror
I practised it when I went walking and over time
it started to come more naturally and now
I've got no problem in sharing a quick answer about
what I do in my business.
By doing this, I created more confidence in myself.
So that when someone asked that question,
I didn't freeze you know, I thought okay
I've done this before
you know, there's nothing to be worried about here.
Just share what you've already prepared.
Now if all of this sounds a little staged
and a little prepared, well that's because it is
and this is a skill that you need to practise right?
It's a strategy to help you overcome shyness
so we're starting by preparing
and organising your thoughts on paper
and practising them and over time, doing this again
and again and again is going to help it to come
more naturally from you.
Another strategy to help you overcome shyness
is to talk to as many people as possible
which sounds like awful advice for a shy person right
but the reality is that practice is what will help you
to overcome your shyness.
Watching other people talking to each other is not
going to help you. You have to find a way to do
the hard work yourself
and I promise that little by little,
it's going to become easier.
One of the biggest tips that I can share with you right
here is to practise speaking with strangers.
So if you're shy about speaking English
and you're worried about making mistakes
and looking silly
speak to people you don't know.
They are the best ones to make mistakes on because
you will likely never see them again, right?
So even if you do make a mistake and you feel bad
for a second, it doesn't matter.
Even if they realise you made that mistake,
even if you think oh my god that was ridiculous
you're not going to see them again,
it doesn't matter.
And lastly, notice your progress.
After any English interaction that you have
take a moment to focus on the positives.
What are the things that went well?
Did you maintain eye contact?
Did you manage to smile and
feel a little more relaxed?
Did you ask a question that got a really interesting
answer? These are all little wins you know and
these are the things that we often overlook,
especially if we make a mistake.
The mistake is the thing that we think about
all the time because it's what hurts
but there are really positive things happening
all around you if you take a moment
just to appreciate them.
So I want you to intentionally
recognise and celebrate what went well.
Becoming more confident and less shy is
not something that you can make
happen instantly like that, you know.
You have to accept that it's a process
and it's going to take some time and to keep going,
to stay focused, you must celebrate
every step that you take in the right direction.
Hopefully, I can keep nudging you along
in that direction as well you know, a little
further away from fear and doubt and a little closer
to confidence and you know, feeling really good
in your English interactions.
That's it from me today.
I hope that this video has given you a few
new ideas
and maybe inspired you to take some action.
Don't worry if the steps that you're taking feel small.
As long as those steps are all going in the
right direction, you're in a good place.
Lots of love. See you soon!