Transcriber: Jenny Lam-Chowdhury Reviewer: Capa Girl
I study the brain in love.
First of all, I'm delighted to be here.
I'm delighted that you're here.
Thank you to the people who are joining us
from outside this room.
I do study the brain. I study the brain in love and [unclear] --
and I put people in brain scanners
who are madly in love
with my colleagues,
Art Errand, Lucy Brown and Bianca Acevedo.
We've now put 17 people
who've just fallen happily in love
in the machine fMRI,
15 people who've just been rejected in love,
and 17 people who were in love long term,
people who were married more than 21 and still in love.
As a matter of fact, I think that right now, actually,
I can put a lot of you in my machine
and I would find some of these brain circuits
for romantic love become active.
I'm not going to repeat really what I've said --
I've already written four books on romantic love,
and I want to say something different today.
But I do want to say one thing about romantic love.
It's a powerful brain system.
I think more powerful than the sex drive.
It comes from primordial parts of the brain,
way below the cortex,
and it gives you the energy, the focus, the ecstasy,
the despair and the motivation.
It's a drive, it's a basic mating drive.
It's a drive to win life's greatest prize
which is a mating partner.
But today, I want to talk about something else. (Laughter)
Why do you fall in love with one person rather than another?
I'd written my fourth book on romantic love and --
It was a couple of days before Christmas,
and I got a telephone call from Match.com the Internet dating site,
and they asked me to come in and talk to them
two days after Christmas.
And I -- nothing happens in New York at Christmas, but --
So, I went in and they filed in
I wasn't even sure who was who --
And in the middle of the morning they asked me,
"Why do you fall in love with one person rather than another?"
And I said,"I don't know. Nobody knows!"
Psychologists certainly know that timing is important,
proximity is important, we tend to fall in love with somebody
from the same socio-economic and ethnic background,
that's changing, by the way,
somebody with the same general level of intelligence,
and good looks, and education,
and religious, and social values are important --
reproductive goals --
and certainly, your childhood experience plays a role.
But, you know, you can walk into a room
and everybody is from your background,
and same level of intelligence,
and same level of good looks,
and there's a lot of the same childhood
and you don't fall in love with all of them.
Something else is missing --
something is missing here.
So, I began to decide that I would study personality.
There are two basic aspects of personality,
of course, with epigenetics now
we know that these are constantly in connection with one another.
But there certainly are traits that you've acquired.
through your childhood, and your education,
and your experiences.
And also, there's great many traits
that come straight out of your biology.
They now estimate that 40 to 60 percent of who you are comes out of your DNA
or at least it plays an enormous role in it.
So, I decided what I would do
is take a look at the second aspect of this --
your temperament, your predispositions --
and see, if somehow, your basic body chemistry
drives you to some people rather than other.
So, I began to go through all of the academic literature
looking for traits that are linked with biology
that may play a role in mate choice.
And I would generally go into a lot of this --
but bottom line is,
there is a lot of chemicals in the brain
and most of them keep the eyes blinking or the heart beating,
they are are not linked with personality traits.
Indeed, these four brain systems are
the dopamine, serotonin, testosterone and estrogen-oxytocin systems.
And each one of them is linked
with a constellation of personality traits.
So, I decided what I would do is try to make a questionnaire
that measured the traits
linked with each one of these brain systems.
And then, put this questionnaire onto a dating site,
Match.com internationally and Chemistry.com,
the site that I started with Match.com locally, in the United States.
And then, see if I could watch
who is naturally drawn to whom.
Whether these traits of biology
naturally draw you to some people rather than others.
I just want to say before a begin that --
I am not talking about types --
these are not cubbyholes, these are brain systems
and we all respond to all of them.
As a matter of fact, I'm working now with a geneticist
from Princeton University, Lee Silver,
and we just studied 100,000 people on Chemistry.com --
10 million people have taken the questionnaire,
30 thousand take it every week --
So, I study them regularly.
It's all anonymous but anyway, I study the numbers.
In this study of 100,000 people,
no two people took this 56-question questionnaire the same way.
I've never met two people who were this similar or alike.
However, there's patterns to nature,
there's patterns to personality,
and I wanted to find out,
if there's also patterns to mate choice.
So, I'm going to go very rapidly
through these four broad styles of thinking and behaving,
through the genetics that is linked
with each one of these constellation of personality traits,
and then wind up with telling you
the patterns of mate choice.
The dopamine system -- these are the traits --
people tend to be very expressive --
there are certain genes in the dopamine system --
they're novelty seeking, risk taking,
it's "cold sensation seeking" in the academic literature.
They're curious, they've got great many interests,
they make more money than any other personality style,
but they also loose more money than any personality style.
They're vigorous takers, energetic, restless --
not just jumping out of airplanes --
I had a wonderful friend in my life, who died recently,
but he lived in The Village in New York
and he really read 10 hours a day.
He was very much of an explorer,
he just wasn't doing physical exploration.
Enthusiasm, optimism, independence,
self-reliance, impulsivity --
These are the people who would walk into a bar and buy everybody a drink,
mental flexibility, and idea generation -- that's really important.
Creativity seems to be linked with the dopamine system in the brain.
In fact, if you give L-Dopa to a Parkinson's patient
their creativity will actually go up.
Some people turn into great poets or artists.
On the down side they tend to be susceptible to boredom.
I'm one of them --
I'm going to Ethiopia tomorrow morning --
I have now packed one pair of blue jeans and about ten books --
you know, in case I'm in that tarmac for 30 days,
I got something to do.
They all tend to be reckless, unreflective,
they look out not in, more manic, insincere, they can be glib,
opportunistic, and unpredictable.
These are traits that are, in one way or another,
linked with the dopamine system in the brain.
I did a study of 178,000 people on Chemistry.com
The top words they use are: adventure, venture,
spontaneous, energy, fun, traveling, outgoing, passion, active.
It's called the lexical hypotheses,
it came out in the 1930s and --
so, you should really --
when you're talking to somebody and trying to size him up --
not only, sort of watch to their body posture and all of this --
but listen to the words they choose to use --
because it actually comes out of their biology,
it says a lot about them.
I think Regina Dugan is a perfect example, head of DARPA
creation, surprise, change -- you can't loose your nerves.
A woman who really lives in a high dopamine world
and is high dopamine herself.
Richard Branson is a great example,
"I've always thought the rules are made to be broken."
Lang Lang a wonderful pianist, flare, dazzling, charisma,
super-star, conqueror, bravado, daredevil tendencies
ebullient, fun to watch high dopamine kind of guy.
I did a study of half a million people.
I've got all these zip codes to see where "explorers" are.
I call them that -- because I was working with a dating site
I needed to name these people.
So, if you're expressive of the dopamine system
I call you an "explorer."
They live in New York, they live in the big cities where the action is.
They aren't down in Dallas --
they are not in Phoenix -- (Laughter)
They are not even in Las Vegas --
they're doing something else -- (Laughter)
Those people [unclear]
expressive of the serotonin system
they observe social norms, enjoy familiar,
they are the ones that will go to Martha's vineyard every summer,
instead of around the world doing different things.
Harm avoidant - they're not scared, but they're cautious,
calm, controlled, stoic --
this is why you take a Prozac or Paxil to drive up the serotonin system
so you are calmer.
Plans, routines, orderly -- they are orderly.
As a matter of fact, I have a friend who goes annually
to his accountant with his wife and about 10 years ago
by chance, he leaned on the accountant's desk
and he moved the guy's pencil sharpener just a tiny little bit
and immediately, the guy moved it back. (Laughter)
And now, every single year
he goes and, at some point, he moves the pencil sharpener
and every year, the guys moves it back. (Laughter)
Literal, precise, sustained attention,
real good with numbers, want to belong, respect --
Religiosity is in the serotonin system. At least part of it is.
And this is one of the reason that if you take LSD or something
you can have a religious experience.
So I'm told. (Laughter)
Loyalty is very interesting.
One of my most interesting questions on the questionnaire is something like --
I can't quite remember the name of it, but it says something like,
"Would you rather have interesting friends or loyal friends?"
Now, we all want interesting friends
and we all want loyal friends,
but this type must have loyal friends. Must have them.
And the other three types cannot tolerate friends
that are uninteresting.
On the down side they're close-minded, controlling, rigid,
stubborn and moralistic.
Top words they use is "family,"
they use trust and trustworthy they got that one twice.
Values! Big time on values, respect, morals.
I think Ben Bernanke is a very good example --
details, data, looking in the past, frugal.
I think the president of China, Hu Jintao -- he's a perfect example.
He's low key, preserved, very modest
Modesty seems to be in this system,
consensus building, dislike the extravagant.
One thing that is interesting is -- one of the genes in the serotonin system
is associated with this consensus building, low key --
and that gene is most common in China and Japan.
Washington --
I've gotten terribly interested in American history, world history
and indeed, this guy -- the high [serotonin],
he was just perfect for being our first President.
In the testosterone system people are analytical.
It's called being good at rule-based systems.
Everything from engeenering to computers, mechanics, music.
Beethoven was probably very high --
it's because it's structural.
Now, I'm not high testosterone,
so I just swing at the beat when I'm listening to music.
But these people see the structure of music.
Experimental, exacting, rank-oriented --
you inject testosterone into a monkey and they'll begin to fight for rank.
Emotionally contained, also, much more emotional flooding
particularly rage, decisive, bold and direct.
These are the ones that scream, "Get to the point!"
"We are getting to the point", and they get to the point.
On the down side --
uncompromising, impatient, demanding, mind blindness --
is the concept of the inability to get into somebody else's head
and understand what they are talking about.
Less empathetic and aloof.
Top words they use among them is "real."
They are the least religious, they got to have it real.
Larry Ellison is a perfect example.
"At one point Craig -- of Craig Conway --
thought I was going to shoot his dog --
If Craig and the dog were standing next to each other,
trust me, if I had one bullet, it wouldn't be for the dog."
(Laughter) I think he made himself clear.
Certainly, Steve Jobs is very much the same thing.
I think Hillary Clinton is, you know --
There are many more men in this category
in every culture I studied and I studied six cultures.
But I think this is a giveaway.
When asked why she was attracted to Bill
she said, "He wasn't afraid of me." (Laughter)
High estrogen type --
They're web-thinking --
it comes from the way the brain is patterned in the womb --
I don't have time for it --
but they are contextual, holistic,
long term thinkers, very imaginative,
good people skills, social skills,
ability to climb into your brain and understand how you're thinking,
pro-social, trusting, introspective,
these are the ones [that] everything means something --
just the way they move -- everything means something.
Freud once said, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar,"
not to these folks, not even slightly. (Laughter)
Mostly expressive, and diplomatic intelligence.
On the down side --
they're scattered, indecisive, they live in a world of "it depends"
"Where do you want to go for dinner?
Well, it depends, we can go here or we can go there --
Why don't you make up your mind?
I am making up my mind, it depends -- we can go here or we can go there."
(Laughter)
And it's from brain architecture.
They're placating, they want to please,
ruminating, they never stop thinking --
One of the things I say at Match.com is, "Stop thinking!"
Some of these women -- they go out for their first date
and the guy picks his fork up wrong and she's thinking,
"Hey, he won't be any good with the children." (Laughter)
"Just think about dessert!" (Laughter)
Gullible, hypersensitive,
back stabbing -- they won't hit you in the face but they stab you in the back.
Unforgiving -- there's more estrogen receptors in the hippocampus,
and they'll remember -- and for a good reason too --
for million of years, women raised --
had the hardest job on Earth which is raising tiny helpless babies --
they had to remember.
Biggest [words] --
they are the readers of the world --
sensitive, kind these are the words that they use.
Oprah is a good example.
Bill Clinton! I think is a great example of a male --
You know, he was the one that cried at their daughter's wedding --
his wife didn't cry, he was the one who cried.
The whole world knows he's a very good talker,
and, of course, he feels everybody's pain.
And I think, Charles Darwin is by far --
He's connected more dots between people
and all living things on this planet.
He's tremendously high, I think, in estrogen, actually, and in dopamine --
a wonderful combination for real creativity.
I did a study, once again, of 500,000 people --
the high serotonin type - the "traditional,"
lives all through here --
Everything that's loose rolls into California, that's the high dopamine. (Laughter)
Here we have the high testosterone,
around Washington D.C., trying to run the world,
or they're out gambling in Nevada,
or they're in Alaska shooting the animals. (Laughter)
And here we have what I call a the "tree-hugger green" --
we got the high estrogen type,
and the two coasts where the most big readers of the world are.
I think these evolved -- I have very little time left --
I think they evolved together.
But, anyway, what Match.com wanted to know is,
"Why do you fall in love with one person rather than another?"
So, I looked into 28,000 people several times
and my hypotheses was half right and half wrong.
But the bottom line is --
"Explorers" are the high dopamine,
high energy, curious, creative --
want somebody like themselves.
So, do the high serotonin --
traditional wants traditional,
in this case, similarity attracts.
When it comes to testosterone and estrogen,
opposites attract.
And I could tell you why I think --
I would hypothesize why these biological draws evolved
but I will just go to say a couple of things.
First of all, I think this could play an enormous role
in understanding relationships in business,
as well as in love.
And I hope to move that forward.
I'm now working with Lee Silver, from Princeton.
We've isolated 63 genes that we hope --
64 that we hope we will be able to --
and have 40,000 people to take my questionnaire,
and also get a cheek swab --
and understand some of the biology of the varying bios.
We will fail, we're a little ahead of the game
and it's not going to work --
but we're going to try, anyway. (Laughter)
But what's most important to me, actually,
it's that we've now put 45 people into the brain scanner --
they've taken my questionnaire first,
and then put them into the brain scanner,
and sure enough, those people who scored high
on my proposed estrogen scale,
had more activity in the mirror neuron system, and etc.
We're beginning to map
some of the brain circuitry of personality.
And in fact, I really do think
that it is this century that is going to begin to marry biology and psychology.
So, I want to close with this.
It's a story --
Match.com came to me as I was developing all of this --
it's taken me several years,
and they said, "Would your questionnaire work in another culture?"
And I said, "If it doesn't work, I have failed.
I'm not studying the American brain,
I'm studying the human brain."
So, we went to Tokyo, and we were going to start --
they were going to start a dating circle in Tokyo.
I went, we talked to journalists for a week and then, came the final night.
And the final night came, and I said to my handler --
a good friend, I said, "What am I doing tonight?"
She said, "Well, we're going to have a little mixer."
"We're going to be about 300 young Japanese men and women,
who are going to come to a mixer,
and you're going to get to stand up and explain these personality styles
and then, we're going to have a little ice-breaker.
In the ice-breaker, everyone who has taken the questionnaire,
are going to have something around their wrists,
so that they know which their predominant style is.
And we're going to roll out four cakes --
just the bottom, 2 feet by 2 feet wedding cakes,
and the four different types of people
are going to go to different parts of the room
and decorate that wedding cake --
and you're going to make comments on it."
And I said, "Oh, holy Christ, this is the [unclear] of my scientific career."
(Laughter)
So, first thing I did is I --
They did all these things and there were like 400 people in the room
and I walked up to the first wedding cake
which is the high estrogen wedding cake.
Now, that cake was smiling at me --
It was just saying, "Please, connect, please, like me."
They even wrote "love" in little pink letters --
and it was really a nice, sweet personality cake.
Then, I go over to the high serotonin cake,
the "traditional" cake, and here is what I see --
It's a nice cake. It's formal, it's lush --
It's one kiwi, one cherry, one kiwi, one cherry --
(Laughter) one kiwi, one cherry --
It's an orderly cake.
So, then I go over to the high testosterone cake --
what I call the "director,"
and the crowd passed and I go through it --
There is no emotion in that cake! (Laughter)
It is totally self-contained!
but they've decorated around the cake! (Laughter)
They thought outside the box. (Laughter)
So, then I go to the "explorer" cake, the high dopamine cake,
the high energy cake, the curiosity, creative cake.
And the crowd passed, and the first thing I see
is two men hurling fruit at the cake -- (Laughter)
And then, I walked over and some guy takes a look at me,
he was standing by me, and he grabs some flowers that were in a vase --
that has nothing to do with this cake,
and plunged it into the middle of the cake! (Laughter)
And this is the cake. (Laughter)
Thank you very much.
(Applause)