♪♪
-Hey, everybody, welcome to our first corrections of December.
Some people tried to correct me
for saying "'chomping' at the bit."
They said the correct use was "'champing' at the bit."
You know, to mean someone who is anxious,
who wants to get to it.
I checked. It was originally "champing."
Both are acceptable.
I don't like using "champ."
I thought "champing" meant
when President Biden was so anxious,
he ordered his dog to bite you.
[ Light laughter ]
So, we did a "Jokes Seth Can't Tell,"
where our own Jenny Hagel spoke some Spanish.
And one viewer said that she conjugated
the Spanish verbs "murare" and "decir" incorrectly.
Alright, if that's true,
no está bien.
[ Laughter ]
But if it's not true,
and you are incorrectly telling Jenny she's wrong,
I would not want to be you.
[ Laughter ]
Because Jen-- Well, it's like what you always say about Jenny.
Okay, you don't want to say it now?
[ Light laughter ]
Shoemaker, you don't want to say what you always say?
[ Light laughter ]
Say it all the time behind closed doors.
[ Light laughter ]
She takes conjugation very serious.
[ Laughter ]
You both summon Beetlejuice
by saying his name three times,
and you banish him, three times.
I got -- People have said I got it wrong.
Both are fine. And shame on you.
I also -- People said,
"I thought, when you were calling Andy Samberg
you were calling Michael Keaton."
I got his number.
[ Light laughter ]
Just not gonna call him in the middle of corrections.
Someone wrote, this was a -- It felt very earnest.
They said, "I would love
if you could make corrections more self-contained
so that I don't have to watch the rest of the show
to get the jokes."
[ Laughter ]
It's like someone saying,
"Could the letters to the editor just be about the editor?"
[ Laughter ]
[ Clears throat ]
I said "crew chi--" I said "crew team."
We were talking about coxswains.
We said "crew team."
It's either "rowing team" or "crew."
It is redundant to say "crew team."
Be like saying "insufferable jackals."
[ Light laughter ]
Some British people have been complaining
that I call out a lot of the contradictions
in British pronunciation
while ignoring that American English
also has the same contradictions.
Someone from England said,
"Alright, how about this?
How come you call one of your states Kansas
and another one Ar-kansas?"
I don't get what her point was.
[ Light laughter ]
"It's not 'impart upon.' It's 'impart to.'"
"It's 'suffice to say,' not 'suffice it to say.'"
Again, I've gone through this before.
I hate when you just burn me on a flub.
I did, in the Thanksgiving show --
or the Thanksgiving corrections, I guess it was --
pronounce "pilgrim," "pigrim." [ Chuckles ]
Obviously, it's not "pigrim." "Pigrim" isn't a word.
"Pilgram" is a word.
I looked this up, 'cause I thought so.
A Pilgram is a pilgrim's name
that uses all seven letters.
[ Laughter ]
Uh, I talked about how excited I am
to get back on the subway,
and that when I get on the subway,
I'm gonna high-five a rat.
Can't high-five a rat.
Rats only have four fingers.
So, if you ever want to celebrate with a rat,
say "up top."
[ Light laughter ]
"I heard 'just salad.' Threw out some old lettuce.
Up top."
[ Light laughter ]
Talked about Donald Trump
meeting the green M&M backstage
at a Bon Jovi concert
in 1986.
The sexy, green M&M was not introduced until 1995...
...because it wasn't until 1995...
I mean, this is interesting
because it just speaks to how much norms change
over time.
Before 1995, it was considered weird to want to [Bleep] candy.
[ Laughter ]
[ Chuckles ]
It's gonna be -- I think it's -- It feels like it's gonna be
a little bit of a shorter corrections,
which I think is both because we had a really good week,
and also, next week is gonna be
the last corrections of the year.
And what I'd like to do is make it special,
like, you know, a New Year's special.
We did -- This show did a New Year's Eve special.
Do you remember our prime-time New Year's Eve special?
I think, 2016.
And, um, I don't remember the exact ratings.
I just know that Nielsen sent us a letter,
which was really nice -- like, registered mail
that said it "ate [Bleep]."
[ Laughter ]
We haven't been asked to do
another prime-time New Year's Eve special.
But I'd like to do
a New Year's Eve correction special,
where I'd like to count down --
I don't want to do any work.
I want to count down the best corrections of the year.
So, again, I'd like to outsource this to you,
in the comments of this corrections
that you're watching now, if you have
a favorite correction from this year,
just write it with the hashtag #bestof.
Think that's simple enough.
And then, next week,
I think, you know, assuming
how many good ones we've had,
I'd guess we're looking at, like, a two-hour corrections.
[ Laughter ]
You know, that's just for my crew to plan accordingly.
[ Laughter ]
This one, um --
This one is the one I feel worst about this week.
So, in the Thanksgiving show,
I had my parents, my brother here.
And we made an announcement -- a very special announcement
about the fact that my wife gave birth on September 15th
and we have a baby girl in our family.
And we talked a lot about the fact
that we named our daughter Adelaide,
which was my grandmother's name.
And we used a lot of the time on the Thanksgiving show
to share our memories of my grandmother Adelaide
and how important it was to us
that we had named her after this incredible woman.
I failed to mention that her middle name is Ruth,
which is the name of my wife's grandmother.
And this is something I caught on my own.
This wasn't a situation where, on Friday,
I was sitting with both families watching it,
and halfway through it, my wife turned to me
and whispered, "Did you not mention Ruth?"
and I said, "Oh, no."
[ Laughter ]
That didn't happen.
I caught it on my own.
As soon as the show was over, I said to Shoemaker,
"Oh, man, I screwed up."
I forgot to mention that her middle name is Ruth.
We named her after two incredible women,
not just Adelaide."
You remember me saying that, Shoemaker.
[ Laughter ]
Don't [Bleep] me, Shoemaker.
[ Laughter ]
And I think it's more meaningful that I caught it on my own.
[ Laughter ]
I don't even know why, in the context --
Oh, here's what happened.
So, the Thanksgiving show,
you know, it's always my parents,
and we always have -- you know, we don't have "A Closer Look"
on the Thanksgiving show, and we've done over the years --
you know, back in my day, we've done "Clear the Air,"
probably moved out a few "Teen Slangs," "Ya Burnt."
And so this year, we did a surprise inspection,
which is this new segment where we take
the most embarrassing jokes that our writers have submitted,
and without them knowing, read them on air.
And it's super fun.
But, you know, the Thanksgiving show
is our highest-rated show of the year
because it's on after NFL football
and/or because my parents are on, if you ask them.
And highest-rated show of the year.
And you know, there were some that were so --
'cause a lot of them are really groaners --
we rarely do this --
we edited out like three of the jokes.
Mostly Scollins jokes.
And I mention that on air
that Scollins writes jokes
that are inappropriate for Thanksgiving.
And then someone -- one of our jackals --
said, "The problem is, he doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving.
Scollins celebrates Tanks-giving."
[ Laughter ]
Referencing the one time that Mike Scollins
wore a tank top, uh, to the show.
And...
we've never let him hear the end of it.
And, uh...
[Chuckling]
I was thinking about it
'cause a lot of people said, "Hey, that's really unfair.
Like, what about us jackals? We want to see all the jokes."
And so we're gonna tell you --
there was a Michael Jackson joke
that we just didn't think was appropriate for Thanksgiving.
But before we do it, I'd like to read this.
According to a new study,
children can tell how people are feeling.
Remember, this was for the Thanksgiving show.
[ Light laughter ]
People are with their families.
Been a long night.
"Hey, look, watch Seth Meyers and his family.
I hear he might have an announcement
about a -- a new child --
Adelaide Meyers.
No middle name."
[ Laughter ]
According to a new study,
children can tell how people are feeling,
even if they're wearing a mask.
For example, horny.
[ Light laughter ]
And that wraps it up.
We will see you -- You will see me
next week for our New Year's spectacular.
[ Laughter ]