I'm gonna be breaking it all down for you,
in this video, coming up.
Hey there. I'm Rebecca Zung.
I am an attorney and a narcissist negotiation expert.
What I do is my mission on this planet,
to help empower you to shift the negotiation process and
make sure that you crush the narcissist, and
so if that is what you want to do,
then feel free to subscribe to this channel and
hit the notification bell.
Yeah. The reason I am on this mission is
because I have had to deal with covert narcissists,
the subject of today's video,
I’ve had to deal with them in a business setting,
one of them in a business setting and
one in my extended family,
I had never even heard the term covert narcissist before
until somebody pointed it out to me and
I remember when we were having this conversation,
the person who pointed it out to us,
pointed out to my husband and me first, they were like,
“That person, that family member,
that you're dealing with is a covert narcissist”.
I remember I was like, “Covert narcissist?
I never even heard that term before”,
but I remember thinking I don't think she's a narcissist,
I mean a narcissist to me was like a boastful bragging,
super egotistical, usually a male,
like to me, it was always a male.
I mean, it never occurred to me, number one,
that a narcissist could be a female and, by the way,
the person who was calling this person a narcissist,
happened to be a psychologist.
I was like, “I don't think she's a narcissist,
I’m pretty sure she's just like really insecure”, and
he was like, “Okay, you know what, let it be a hypothesis.
If I'm wrong, I guess you'll know it, and
if I'm right, you'll know it too.
The facts and circumstances will bear it out” and
of course, he was a 100% right.
But as time went on, and I started to read and
learn much more about it,
I started to really figure it out, and there's so much that
goes into a covert narcissist, but, my hypothesis is
that women tend to be more the covert kind
because women want to be more under the radar,
they tend to want to be…
they want to look nice, they want to look kind.
But, I think there are a lot of male covert narcissists too,
They're the ones that nobody suspect,
like the world thinks that they're so fantastic,
they’re so charismatic, the world thinks they're wonderful.
So anyway,
here's some strange behaviors of covert narcissists.
Their words do not match their actions,
so they're like, super kind and
“absolutely, I will do that for you”
“absolutely, and I will get right back to you on moment” and
then you don't hear from them or,
“I will I definitely want to make sure that you are taken care of”
and then they don't. So, you're left like
so confused all the time.
Do I force them on that? Do I ask them about that?
Does this make me a bad person?
Because they're so nice.
Then, here you are the one, like,
Am I being passive aggressive?
Am I being the one that's the problem?
It seems very strange because they seem so nice.
So, it's kind of a strange behavior
because they seem so nice,
but it's actually not strange
if you get to know who they are
as a covert narcissist.
That's number one.
This is something that my husband and I
have seen with the covert narcissists that
we've had to deal with, in our family situation,
this particular person who shall not be named,
definitely valued opinions of strangers over family.
It can be painful, unless you realize and
fix who they are, that they are narcissists and
that's what narcissists do.
They are seeking that external praise,
their seeking that narcissistic supply and
that's the very strange thing about narcissists,
they kind of take for granted the opinions
or the supply that they're getting within their inner circle,
they don't care about the supply they already have.
That's just sort of a given.
They want the supply that they're getting externally.
For some reason, that means more to them
than the supply or the validation that they can get
from the people who actually love them,
from the people who actually care about them,
or actually value them.
They prefer to get it from other people
that they don't even know, but that's how it is.
It doesn't really make any sense.
But that is very strange.
So, that's number two.
Number three, and
I will never really get over number three,
to be honest with you, both of the covert narcissists
that I had to deal with, did this with me and
I found it very odd, very weird and super creepy.
I actually did a whole video on this,
just because I really couldn't stand it.
My whole video is called
“Why the narcissists are always watching you”
Both of the narcissists I had to deal with
I would find like would be staring at me,
watching me, they do,
they stalk your social media,
they check out what you're doing,
I would find that they would like, copy me,
watch what I was wearing,
copy that and some people would be like,
who don't understand narcissism
they be like, oh that's so flattering,
that's so nice that they would want to be like you
or something.
But no, those of you who understand narcissism,
you know that it's not flattering.
It's like the creepy kind.
Actually, recently, I had dinner with another couple
who happened to let me know that
one of the narcissists I had to deal with,
that I've completely cut out of my life,
not the family member one,
but the other one,
let me know that there was somebody
who was in touch with somebody else.
Sort of like this fringe sort of in touch,
that there's like that narcissist
that still like trying to poke their head through
to try to get through the boundaries that I've created.
I mean, it's very sad, but,
from my own growth perspective,
I was like, you know what, right now,
I don't really feel any emotion about it
so it was actually good,
it was like a little test for me because
when I heard about it, I was like that is so pathetic.
I actually found myself feeling like nothing
so I was glad about that.
So, that's number three.
They kind of like don't really want to give gifts,
like “Oh here you go” and there's like ties against it and
they don't really like to give gifts.
I do have a video on that too, by the way,
if you want to check it out.
But, with narcissists, there's always like strings.
They don't like to give gifts really,
there's always something involved with the gifts.
So, that's number four.
They're kind of one way
with one group and one way with another group
in one way with this person and
another way with another person,
whatever color they are with this person,
they might be a different color
within a different person because,
they don't have a sense of self, right?
Because they're a narcissist.
So, that's number five.
Number six, this is actually another
little sore spot for me because this is something
I had to deal with in my business setting situation.
Yep. Been there, done that.
Did not like that, but they do that.
They definitely like to take credit for your ideas
because they don't have any ideas of their own.
Because they are energy vampires,
that’s part of what they do.
They suck the energy out of you, and
if you know this to be true,
Come on, say it with me. Energy vampires.
Yes, they are.
All right, number seven,
number seven is another little catchy little tune
that the coverts like to play.
This is another little strange behavior of theirs.
Very strange, very weird and
they want to play like they're strong, they're so good,
but then they also, “They played me”,
“I can't believe they did that to me”.
“I'm so weak”.
The whole passive-aggressive thing, part of the whole
covert thing, “I'm so nice”
But I'm also like knives under me,
so warm over here, but there's ice in my blood
Yes indeed.
Those are the seven strange behaviors of covert narcissists,
the ones that I personally detest the most,
because I've had to deal with them and
if you’re getting ready to negotiate with narcissists,
feel free to grab my “Crush my negotiation” prep worksheet
if you're dealing with narcissists
that's at winmynegotiation.com
Forgot to mention that.
If you want to join my free private Facebook group,
you are welcome to do that
at “Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung”.
If you like this video,
give it a like, give it share, drop me a comment.
If you want to stick around and you want
more information, feel free to subscribe to this channel.
Subscribe and hit that notification bell.
I'm Rebecca Zung.
I'm so glad you're here,
join my crusade and stick around.
We are powering through empaths fight back.
Remember, today is a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I will see you in the next video!