-We're barely into the new year, but researchers
are already saying that we've lived through
the hottest decade on record, says facts.
And it's only going to get worse because of climate of change,
a.k.a. for you all you Boomers and Gen-Xers out there,
global warming.
a.k.a. for all you Millennials,
yo, the polar ice caps are totally ghosting us,
a.k.a., for my Gen-Z viewers, I would do a TikTok,
but I have no idea what the hell a TikTok is.
I'll be real. I don't know. I don't get it.
Now, for the longest time,
I didn't realize how important climate change was.
You know, it's like sunscreen or turning off
your phone's AirDrop when you're in public.
You know, if you don't already do that, you should,
because the next time you're at the airport,
yeah, planes aren't the only thing
you're going to see take off, if you know what I mean.
Mm-hmm!
He knows what I'm talking about. He sends them.
I see you over there.
Kidding!
It's such a big issue, and you really understand it
when you talk to your friends with kids,
because they're so focused on the future.
It feels like climate change is this huge disaster
that everyone can see coming, but no one can stop,
like a 70-year-old white guy getting elected president.
And it's frustrating, because there are still people
who don't even believe it's happening.
Italy recently became the first country
to require their schools
to teach climate change and global warming.
[ Cheers and applause ] Yeah. Amazing.
Meanwhile, in America, we still have people who are like,
"Well, if global warming is real,
how did 'Frozen' get a sequel?"
I mean, it has to be tough to be a climate scientist.
Think about it.
You spent decades warning people
about this oncoming disaster, and nothing.
And then "The Walking Dead" comes out,
and everyone runs out and buys zombie apocalypse kits.
Like, what's happening?
But if we can't agree on the facts,
we can't solve the problem.
And I'm sick of hearing that this is all just a hoax
from conspiracy theorists.
Like, you idiots, can't you see what's happening
on our big, flat Earth?
So, I've been trying to reduce my carbon footprint,
and because enough people have harassed me online about it,
I've stopped using plastic straws.
Now, I understand that plastic straws
are dangerous to wildlife and we should all stop using them,
but here's the thing.
It's important not to focus on bullying people for using them,
because then we lose sight of the bigger picture.
And did you know this?
Cigarette butts and balloons have actually been proven
to have more of a negative impact on the environment.
So before you leave a mean comment on Instagram
of someone drinking from a straw,
make sure you take down that picture of all those balloons
at little Timmy's 5th birthday party.
Mm-hmm.
Also, take down that picture of Timmy
with all those cigarette butts.
What is you doing?!
And the next time you feel good about refusing a straw
while you're on a date at Chili's,
think long and hard about the fact about that the meat
in your bacon cheeseburger contributes to
25% of greenhouse-gas emissions.
Facts!
And then think long and hard about the fact that
you took your date to Chili's.
Sir!
Right now, not enough people care about climate change,
and, honestly if even Leonardo DiCaprio
can't make us care, then we're doomed.
I mean, he fought an iceberg and lost
and still wants to save them.
Though I guess he has to think of the world his
22-year-old girlfriends will have to grow up in.