>> JASON: Jesus, come on, we're ready and on, all the time.
[laughs]
Just waiting on you guys.
>> Constantly on our mark.
>> We're so efficient.
>> We have a plan and we stick to the plan.
Plan the shoot, shoot the plan.
>> Did you read the script?
>> BRIAN: Planning 101. >> Did you read the script?
[laughs]
Because if you read the script, I want to read it too.
Because I did not know there was a script.
>> [Computerized Voice] Desperate Defense Week, Day Three.
What if all you had were hairpins?
>> All right, so we're still testing a guide
to improvise weaponry, by...
What's his name again?
>> Master Sergeant Terry Schappert of the US Special Forces.
>> And to remind everyone, these are ideas of last resort,
and our question is, which ones are better than your fist?
We saw--definitely spraying the hairspray in the face,
especially if it's on fire,
I believe that one--we gave it what?
A six or a seven out of ten? >> Yep, yep.
>> The matches, throwing matches seemed wildly impractical--
>> That was a fail. >> That was a zero to a one.
>> That was a fail. >> What are we doing next?
>> This one is another act of crazy desperation.
[upbeat music]
>> What is happening?
Dandruff, dandruff attack.
>> Bobby pin.
>> Now this is fascinating because--
>> It has hair product on it.
>> The question is, here, now it's got even more. [laughs]
The question is, is it better than just your fists?
>> I can't imagine that it is.
>> Don't go as hard as you can, but punch me at a level
that you know you can hit a second time with the bobby pin,
and then we'll be able to gauge the difference and efficacy.
>> So do you, okay, so.
[Jason punches Brian]
>> That was pretty hard.
>> Pretty hard attack, right?
I mean come one. [Brian laughs]
>> That's the way bullies always do it, they're like
[mimics a punch]
You've got to admit, that was pretty tough.
That's when you, do you need to take a moment?
>> BRIAN: Pretty tough. >> You okay?
[laughs]
You all right?
>> I'm actually, if you hit me that hard with this,
I think it'll be pretty bad.
>> Well it's hard, because I mean what are you going to do?
It's so small.
>> No, here's what I think you do.
You pop that open, put this between your hands and then...
Oh god, I don't want you to do it now.
I'm certain this will bend, it won't puncture my skin
I don't think. >> I think it might.
>> Give me a really light hit-- >> JASON: Okay.
>> On that. >> With just one end?
>> BRIAN: Yeah. >> Okay.
[upbeat music]
>> Oh that's wild, because at first,
I'm like I don't really feel anything.
>> It just feels like it's going to bend or something, you know?
One of the things is a jabbing motion, like this.
>> BRIAN: Oh, that's going to suck.
>> So I'm going to try that.
>> I'm afraid it's going to like break
and then penetrate the skin--
>> I'm not going to go real hard. >> All right, all right.
>> I'm not going to go real hard, so.
Oh yeah, see look at that. >> BRIAN: Oh, interesting.
>> Yeah, here let's just--
>> So that's not a good idea-- >> Let's try--
>> BRIAN: Try holding it with those, okay?
>> Yeah, now it says that if it's longer,
you can hold it like this, but this, yeah.
>> I'll tell you what, even just holding it
in the stabbing motion, if you just get that,
I think you're going to get a little bit of...
I mean I, do it, forgive me. >> Yeah, no.
>> BRIAN: Ah, I missed you. >> Oh, yeah. [laughs]
>> All right, here we go.
>> I was like that didn't do anything.
>> And you can put your thumb on it.
>> Yeah, yeah. [Brian punches Jason]
Yeah, I couldn't even tell.
[Brian punches Jason]
Okay, maybe then.
>> Well and now I'm thinking like maybe if go for the eyes?
>> Let me jab you like this,
okay? >> BRIAN: Okay.
[Jason jabs Brian]
>> You see and then it slips too.
>> Like I know how to use my fists,
you know I go up and box your ears.
Like is this, any version of this better than box his ears?
Box his ears, just box his ears.
[Jason boxes the dummy's ears]
Tell me that's going to be very effective.
>> I would think so, now they say
use this to go for pressure points.
Specifically go for like the throat,
the eyes of course, and the soft spot behind the ear.
But that's kind of, that's an amount of precision
that you wouldn't really have in a fight, like that, right?
>> What if you did something like this?
What if you lengthened it all the way out,
made it like basically the shape of a tension wrench,
like that, and then grabbed it, such that this poked out.
I mean if that went into the eyes,
I feel like that would almost certainly
poke an eye out, right?
>> That seems like that would work, right?
[Brian punches the dummy]
>> But even then, it bends. >> Yeah.
[Brian punches the dummy] >> Again.
>> Dammit. >> It's fine.
[Jason mimics an explosion]
[laughs]
>> It was a good run. [laughs]
>> [Computerized Voice] That is not funny,
I do not sound like that.
I'm definitely in on the idea of hitting eyes and ears
and face with, even though it's only poking out a tiny bit,
it just does feel like all that's going to lacerate
and punch that up.
Here, try holding that in your hand and just push down
with you're thumb-- >> Oh, I gotcha.
>> So that you got this thing poking out.
>> Yeah, that's good, that's good, okay.
>> And then try giving him a few wacks.
>> Okay, like-- [jabs the dummy]
Oh yeah, see that would suck. >> BRIAN: Yeah.
>> That would suck pretty bad.
>> And then you're not relying on raw strength,
now you're actually have a tool.
And again, you're hitting the soft bits,
but it's all got to be the face,
you got to be relentless.
>> Yeah, now I'm not going to do this super hard, come here.
I'm just going to get your arm.
[upbeat music]
No? >> Well, here's what it does.
It takes something that would not hurt at all,
and it makes it sting.
But I don't even know that will poke some holes,
because really quickly we see that it folds over.
That it has a hard time penetrating the skin.
>> Yeah, yeah, is it better than your fists?
>> The only time it's better than your fists,
is going for the eyes and ears.
And that's if it's big enough, that you can make a real fist
and knock, knock, knock.
I think you'll be able to gauge and eye,
especially if you grab and slash,
I think it will tear up a face.
>> Always go for the eyes.
>> I will point out that the idea that they're going for,
that literally anything is better than nothing.
If you want to enhance your fists.
I understand the impulse for it,
but it seems like if you have a bobby pin,
you probably have keys on you.
And keys are going to be, you know?
You grab your keys, you do a little "Wolverine" fist
and you know, jab eyes--
>> Yeah, I think car keys are going to be way more effective,
or your belt buckle, or really anything--
>> BRIAN: Oh my god yeah, just whip out the belt
and just [mimics hitting with a belt].
Now you got range and stuff.
If we're talking about going for the face,
I'll give it a good three.
>> Okay, I'm going to give it a two,
because it's so small and so flimsy,
and it requires such precision to really be effective
that I would rather just use my hands.
>> You know it reminds me of that scene
from one of the "Burn" movies,
when he starts kicking ass just with a pen, like I believe,
to be honest, I believe a pen would be way better than this.
I do believe you're going to be able to jab and tear
and penetrate skin and all that stuff, in a way that,
that bobby pin, I don't think has the force.
>> Yeah, it's just too flimsy.
>> So if this is a two or three, what's a pen do you think?
A pen, I would say like a four.
I would say a four with a pen--
>> Maybe even a five. >> We'll get to pens.
>> Oh yeah? >> Oh yeah.
>> BRIAN: Okay, all right, all right--
>> We'll get to pens. >> All right, all right.
He's like I hate this job.
>> This is the worst job ever.
As always, tell us how wrong we are,
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[upbeat music]
What's the smallest thing that you think
you can defend yourself with?
No, oh come on!
[laughs]
Come on!
[laughs]
Walked right into it.