I'M SO EXCITED.
IT'S SUMMER.
I WANT TO GET A TAN.
I'M GOING TO SWIM.
I'M GOING TO DRINK IT ALL IN.
THIS IS GOING TO BE THE SUMMER I ACTUALLY ENJOY.
IF YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT GOING ON VACATION THIS SUMMER, YOU MAY
WANT TO THINK ABOUT GOING TO CHINA BECAUSE THEY'VE GOT
DISNEYLAND THERE NOW.
THE NEW $5.5 BILLION DISNEYLAND PARK.
THIS A HUGE CROSS-CULTURAL MOMENT.
NOW THAT DISNEYLAND IS IN CHINA, CHILDREN THERE WILL HAVE CONTEXT
FOR THE TOYS THEY'VE BEEN MAKING.
THE PARK IS ALREADY A HUGE SUCCESS, BUT, APPARENTLY, A LOT
OF NAMES OF DISNEY PROPERTIES DON'T TRANSLATE WELL INTO
CHINESE, SO THEY HAD TO MAKE SOME CHANGES, LIKE RENAMING
DUMBO "LITTLE FLYING ELEPHANT," RENAMING FROZEN, "ENCHANTED
DESTINY OF SNOW," AND THE "BIBBITI BOBBITI BOUTIQUE" WAS
RENAMED "COLORFUL MAGICAL FANCIFUL TRANSFORMATION.
AND MICKEY MOUSE IS NOW CHAIRMAN MOUSE.
AND IT'S NOT JUST CHINA THAT -- MM-HMM.
THAT'S GOOD.
AND IT'S NOT JUST CHINA THAT RENAMES THINGS TO SOMETHING MORE
CULTURALLY APPROPRIATE.
I IDENTIFY WITH THIS PROBLEM.
BECAUSE THE "LATE SHOW" IS BROADCAST EVERYWHERE FROM
PRUSSIA TO SIAM.
BOY, WE REALLY NEED TO UPDATE THE MAPS IN THE WRITER'S ROOM.
SO I'M GOING TO TAKE YOU ON A TRIP AROUND THE GLOBE, AND SHARE
SOME OF THE CHANGES WE HAVE TO MAKE FOR INTERNATIONAL
AUDIENCES.
THIS IS "LATE SHOW CULTURAL TRANSLATIONS."
♪ >> Stephen: WELCOME TO "LATE
SHOW CULTURAL TRANSLATIONS."
FIRST UP, WE AIR IN ENGLAND, WHICH MEANS IF WE DO ANY PRODUCT
PLACEMENT OF THE CANDY REESE'S PIECES, WE HAVE TO USE ITS
BRITISH NAME RUNSON'S TIDBITS.
MMMM!
A STOUT FIST OF RUNSON'S WILL REALLY CHUFF YOUR GOB.
(LAUGHTER) ALSO, THIS SHOW AIRS IN
CAMEROON, WHERE WE HAVE TO CHANGE OUR NAME, "THE LATE SHOW
WITH STEPHEN COLBERT" TO TWILIGHT SHENANIGANS WITH
CAUCASIAN SUIT BUFFOON... "THE ONE WITH GLASSES."
(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)
IT'S HARD TO TELL US APART.
I'M THE ONE WITH THE GLASSES.
I'D WATCH THAT SHOW.
ALL RIGHT.
WE TALK A LOT ABOUT POLITICS ON THIS SHOW, BUT FOREIGNERS OFTEN
HAVE DIFFERENT WAYS OF REFERRING TO OUR CANDIDATES.
FOR EXAMPLE, WHEN TALKING ABOUT THE DEMOCRATS, TO PEOPLE IN
GHANA, I'M COVERING THE RACE BETWEEN -- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY
GO WRONG WITH A STACK OF CARDS THIS HIGH?!
(LAUGHTER) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
♪ ♪
WHO KNOWS?
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE FOR OUR LAST SHOW.
(LAUGHTER) ALL RIGHT.
WE TALK A LOT ABOUT POLITICS ON THIS SHOW.
WHEN TALKING ABOUT THE DEMOCRATS, TO PEOPLE IN GHANA,
I'M COVERING THE RACE BETWEEN TENSE-MERRIMENT CORPORATION
WOMAN AND RUMPLED GIVEAWAY GRANDPA.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) THERE YOU GO RIGHT THERE!
YOU CAN HAVE THAT RIGHT THERE!
ALL RIGHT.
NOW, LET'S SEE.
OKAY -- OH.
AND IN THAILAND REPUBLICAN FRONTRUNNER DONALD TRUMP IS
MORE COMMONLY KNOWN AS "IMPOSSIBLE PROMISE TUXEDO
GOBLIN."
(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)
HERE'S AN INTERESTING FACT.
WHENEVER THE SHOW IS BROADCAST IN RUSSIA, IF I EVER REFER THE
POPULAR KIDS' PIZZA ARCADE CHUCK E. CHEESE'S, WE HAVE TO
CHANGE IT TO "COMMANDANT VERMIN'S MUSICAL PIZZA HELL."
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) THERE YOU GO.
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S SEE.
EVEN IN CANADA THERE ARE CHANGES.
FOR EXAMPLE, I HAVE TO CHANGE THE TITLE OF THE UPCOMING COMIC
BOOK MOVIE "SUICIDE SQUAD" TO "MOPEY AVENGERS GO TO HOT
TOPIC."
(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)
MM-HMM.
IN MEXICO, TACO BELL'S QUESALUPA IS CALLED "DRUNK GRINGO MEAT
SLURRY CREPE."
(APPLAUSE) I COULD GO FOR ONE OF THOSE.
I COULD GO FOR A GRINGO MEAT SLURRY CREPE NOW.
IN ROMANIA, OUR FELLOW CBS SHOW "TWO BROKE GIRLS" TRANSLATES TO
"IMPOVERISHED FEMALE SEX CLOWNS."
WELL, THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOR CULTURAL TRANSLATION --
OR AS IT'S KNOWN IN ECUADOR: BORDERLINE RACIST, BROKEN
LANGUAGE DESK BIT.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ELLIE KEMPER!