Hey, this is Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business
and life you love.
And this is Q&A Tuesday and today’s question comes from Shauna and she writes,
Hi Marie, I've been beating myself up because I haven't made a lot of progress in my business
for a very long and humiliating time.
I finally discovered a huge reason that I'm not moving forward and it’s because I'm
afraid of the "trappings" of success.
You see, FREEDOM is my number one value and I'm afraid that becoming successful will overwhelm
me and take away my freedom, instead of giving me more.
This fear paralyzes me and even though I'm not handling much right now, I'm already feeling
overwhelmed and tired.
Any thoughts, tips or tricks would be greatly appreciated.
Shauna P.S.
You effin ROCK!!
;-)
You effin rock too Shauna.
So, Shauna, this is an awesome question.
I know many people, millions of people, struggle with this including myself.
I’ve often had that same belief that more success could equal less freedom and it’s
not a great feeling to have.
And to help answer today’s question, I’ve brought one of my very dear friends, Dr. Cathy
Collautt is here with us today.
And you’re gonna love Dr. Cathy because not only is she amazingly smart (she’s an
Oxford grad) but she is a metaphysician and manifesting consultant.
And what that means is she helps people create powerful, lasting change in their lives; and
one of the ways that she does that is through working with the power of the subconscious
mind.
Ooh this is so good woman, this is so good.
Thank you so much first of all for...
So happy to be here.
...being on MarieTV.
So it sounds like Shauna is having a little bit of trouble between what she consciously
wants, which is growing her business, and it sounds like she has a fear of success.
Is that what you heard?
Definitely sounds that way.
Right?
So it we can hear the tension or the MAJOR conflict between her conscious goal (building
a successful business) and her SUBCONSCIOUS fears about how that might limit her freedom.
So Cathy, tell us why our subconscious minds have so much power over us.
Well, the reason is it’s estimated that approximately about 3% of your processing
power is your conscious mind.
The rest of it, the other 97%, subconscious, autonomic, automatic – you don’t think
about how you digest food, you don’t normally think about how you breathe, all your habits
go on automatic pilot, so by far, our greatest processing powerhouse is our subconscious
mind.
Scientists will tell you that the power of the subconscious is perhaps a million times
greater than the conscious mind.
That’s amazing.
A million times greater.
Yeah.
And the point of that is not to say that your ego and your will are weak - they are extremely
powerful; the point is to recognize that that as powerful as they are, there exists an asset
within us that is even more powerful than that.
So that’s why I work with the subconscious mind and why I encourage other people to get
their subconscious mind onboard in trying to make what they want happen in their lives.
We normally try to make what we want happen through our conscious determination and our
ego and our ‘sweat, blood and tears’ – which is tough going as is.
Right.
And I’m very familiar with that, which you’ve helped me with.
Right.
But especially when it’s going over and against something in the other 97%, it becomes
a task of Sisyphean proportions.
You remember Sisyphus, right?
The king in Greek mythology who was punished to an eternity of rolling a boulder up a hill
only to watch it roll back down again?
Right.
So this is a version of what Shauna is experiencing:
Her sub... rather, her conscious mind might be saying: ‘I want success!’
Hopefully it is also saying ‘I am worthy of success.’
But if something in the other 97% say thinks otherwise, ‘I don’t want success.’
- that’s what she’s going to be getting or manifesting.
At minimum she’s gonna find her somewhere on that Sisyphean mountain trying to push
her boulder named success up to the top, or prevent the back-slide.
So Cathy, if your subconscious mind is that powerful, it almost seems like it’s the
boss, and like Shauna would almost need like her “boss’s” approval to sign off on
something that she wants.
Is that right?
I see why you would say that: because at a power a million times greater than the conscious
mind, it’s clear who’s gonna win.
Right?
But the truth is that Shauna is meant to be the boss.
She’s meant to be, you know, she’s meant to manage this asset, this most effective,
powerful, and efficient employee by giving it good and clear direction.
So if you think of your subconscious as a computer: you understand that it’s going
to take its programming and run with it.
And it’s your job to make sure that its programming is in functional, if not optimal,
alignment with your goals.
And you do this by programming, re-programming and de-bugging, at regular intervals and in
concert with those goals as you become aware of them, as they change, and so on.
So the great news is that once you get your subconscious ‘onboard’, that Sisyphean
mountain turns into a molehill.
Much like ‘instituting’ your habits – you don't actually even institute them.
It doesn’t take a lot of thought, it doesn’t take a lot of effort, you just kinda do them.
That’s the power of your subconscious mind and that’s the power of the asset that
we were all born with.
And your job, as president and CEO of yourself and your life, is to get the most out of this
most dependable and capable employee you will ever have at your disposal.
So it’s much less about ‘asking for permission’ than it is about gaining mastery and being
adept.
Cathy, this is so exciting and I love talking about this with you.
So it sounds like that Shauna really can get her subconscious mind in alignment with her
conscious goals.
And I know, because you and I have worked together and how brilliant you are, that you
give people very clear steps.
So can you share with us the clear steps to help get your subconscious mind in alignment
with your conscious goals?
Sure.
So step 1, after you recognize the resistance, is to be humble.
Don’t assume you know anything, let alone everything, about your resistance; you wanna
trust the subconscious long enough to learn from it.
You wanna trust that it has something intelligent and wise to say.
Because it does.
Shauna’s, for example, is reminding her of her non-negotiable desire for freedom.
Cathy, I love that.
So in essence, what you’re saying is it’s about listening to the wisdom that we can
find in our resistance.
Is that right?
Mmhm.
Ok, awesome.
So what’s step 2?
So step 2 is to get specific.
What is the fear or fears exactly?
What are the associations with having or getting what you want?
What exactly is it that the subconscious is looking out for?
You wanna interview your subconscious like you would anybody you’re trying to get information
from, which is with genuine curiosity and compassion.
You wanna let it make its case!
You want to hear its case because there is priceless wisdom in it and information in
there for you.
So it’s not enough, for example, for Shauna to know that she’s afraid of the trappings
of success, much less ‘afraid of success’ (in general).
She wants to know: What ‘trappings’ specifically?
What freedoms in particular does she think she’s gonna have to sacrifice for success?
Is it more projects?
Is it more people depending on her?
This will tell her MORE about what she wants.
So step 2 is to get details, and applaud whatever you find.
Applaud it before you judge it.
Because you, you know, what you normally associate with you, is by far not the smartest thing
within you.
The next step, step 3, would then be to make a promise.
Right?
You want to set the intention to work it out with your subconscious - not to work against
it.
I love that!
So Shauna’s fear is saying to her, “Look, I’m afraid that if you become successful,
you’re going to be tied to your desk, you’re gonna be on the phone all day, you’re gonna
be even more stressed out and strapped out, have no fun, have no time for family and friends
and love and everything else you want in life.”
Shauna can make her fear a non-issue by making a promise.
“Listen friend, I hear you, I understand what you’re saying, and I really appreciate
you looking out.
If greater success means greater strain, more exhaustion, having less freedom and time for
myself in my life, I WON’T DO IT.
I will only do it if that’s not what it means.
I promise.”
And then, of course, she wants to be a good partner-in-crime for herself to rely on, which
means to keep her promise.
But in any case, by making this promise, you see, the tension is dissipated and it makes
space for herself and her subconscious to open up to the idea of success and to pursuing
it.
Cathy this is so delicious and I’m just...
I like, I wanna eat you up right now.
What I’m hearing you say is through making the promise it’s about honoring what’s
truly important to ourselves and making a commitment to ourselves to really honor that
wisdom and honor what we truly want in our lives.
So what’s step 4?
Step 4 is to get examples.
So evidently Shauna’s subconscious has a lot of negative examples about what happens
when you become successful.
She wants to dowse her subconscious in positive examples and case studies: people whose lives
have improved as a result of their success in business, people whose freedom has increased
as a result of their success; people who have built successful businesses and have more
time to do what they love.
Marie is a great example in this respect!
I mean, it’s part of the mission statement to help women live Rich, Happy and Hot!
Right?
The complete opposite of ‘overworked, exhausted, and crushed by the weight of their duties,
obligations, and desk.’
So she wants to find examples, it can be people she knows, people she doesn't know, famous
people – it doesn’t matter.
The point is to let the subconscious know it’s possible, to let it know that it is
possible to marry or to satisfy all sides of her heart and mind.
The subconscious will do anything that you tell it is possible.
So the more examples that she finds and gives, the more she encourages and reinforces the
idea ‘this is definitely possible’, and lets her subconscious know what it’s working
towards.
Ooh!
This is getting better and better.
Do we have... so we have one more step to go?
Right?
One more step.
Step 5?
Step 5 is to solidify and affirm: so the more you ingrain your new perspective in your subconscious,
the more you can capitalize on its power and its resources to facilitate and even to execute
towards your goal on your behalf.
Which of course right means it’s easier to materialize, to manifest it, to get what
you want.
So a good affirmation for Shauna is: “Success increases my freedom in life.”
I love that.
Success increases my freedom in life.
Right.
Perfect for all of us.
And more than an affirmation, because an affirmation, right, it implies a kind of I have to defend
or I’m proving something, and so there’s an element of doubt.
You really want to think about it like a reminder - it is a reminder, it’s a reminder of what
is possible.
It will also serve as a reminder of the road, the only road in light of the promise that
she’s made above, that she is taking.
She wants to repeat it as often as feels good to her; but before you fall asleep, right
before you fall asleep, right upon waking, and during/after meditation are some of the
best times to access the subconscious mind.
I love this, you just told us how to completely reprogram or get in alignment our subconscious
mind with what we want.
I think this is just genius and I just want to say, a personal testament to your work.
That you and I have known each other for years, I’ve worked with you in several different
capacities, but this stuff works.
I will tell you that I’ve worked with Cathy on a number of different occasions and it
is so amazing what happens when you approach yourself in this gentle way because that’s
one of the things that I really love about what you teach, is it’s not about fighting
yourself and it’s not about force or pushing through.
It’s about gentle introspection and it’s a really wise way to approach getting what
you want.
I just think it’s genius.
And capitalizing on the wisdom that exists within you, which isn’t just your ego and
your consciousness.
You’re brilliant, there’s a lot of power there, there’s a lot of intelligence there,
but you can also make use of a greater amount of wisdom and insight that’s within you
too.
So that’s why I work that way, yeah.
I love it.
Ok, so for everyone watching let’s review from the top our five steps to reprogramming...
is that an ok phrase to call it?
Yeah.
Getting your conscious on board.
On board with our conscious goals.
So step 1?
Step 1 is to... after you recognize, is to be humble.
Be humble.
Awesome.
Step 2?
Get specific.
Get specific, so we wanna get the specific details about what that fear is and really
interview our subconscious and know specifically what those fears are.
Step 3?
Step 3 is to make a promise.
So make a commitment to yourself that you’re not gonna go there if it’s gonna mean all
those bad things that perhaps you were afraid of.
You’re only gonna get the thing that you want in the way that’s gonna feel the best
for you and it’s gonna be in alignment.
Right.
Step 4?
Step 4 is to find examples.
Find examples, so...
Exemplary examples.
Exemplary examples, I love that, that’s really key.
So really look around, and we can look around to anyone whether it’s figures in history,
someone we know, someone we don't know.
You can even be the first example on this planet to do it that way.
And I really do encourage people to do so so that they provide an example for the rest
of us.
Very cool.
So that was step 4, and step 5?
Step 5 is to solidify and affirm.
Solidify and affirm, and you said some of the best times to do that are before we go
to bed or after/before meditation.
Yup, or right upon waking.
Awesome.
Very, very good.
Cathy, this was amazing!
I could listen to you all day and I’m sure that we’re gonna have you back on MarieTV.
So thank you so much for being here and for helping Shauna and for helping all of us.
Thank you so much.
My absolute pleasure.
So now Cathy and I would love to hear from you.
We wanna know: Have you ever had a fear of success?
Or a fear of anything?
And tell us, what is that fear really reminding you of that you really, really want?
What’s the wisdom contained in that fear?
And remember, the best discussions always happen after the episode at MarieForleo.com.
And we’re both gonna be looking out for your answers in the comments, so leave a comment
there.
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