As you know, we're a few weeks away from the scariest,
spookiest time of the year... the midterm elections.
Muah-ha ha ha ha! Muah-ha ha ha ha!
I'm gonna go as millions of illegal votes.
-Anyway, uh... -(laughter)
The midterms are in 19 days,
and, this year, this year, every single vote counts,
but there are a few states that are looking to change that.
As the midterm elections rapidly approach,
there's been a rash of voter identification conflicts
in states across the country.
TV REPORTER: Laws across the U.S. are being passed
to make it harder, not easier to vote.
Since the 2016 election,
nine states with Republican state legislatures
have passed laws restricting the vote.
We've seen time and time again
where Republicans can't win outright, as far as votes,
then they resort to what many would call cheating.
Ah, come on, Republicans.
Instead of trying to appeal to diverse voters,
you'd just rather try and block their votes? Huh?
It's like being a contestant on Jeopardy,
and instead of trying to win by being the smartest person,
you just spend all your time tasing your competition.
And the worst part is that
Alex Trebek probably wouldn't help you.
You'd be like, "Ah!" Alex would be like,
"I'm sorry. We were looking for 'what is ah?'"
Now, voter suppression...
Voter suppression is an issue all over the United States.
Right now,
one of the most prominent examples is in Georgia.
You see, the governor's race is neck and neck.
You've got Stacey Abrams, who could become
the first black female governor ever.
-And you've got Republican... -(cheers and applause)
Right. And you've got...
And you've got Republican Brian Kemp,
who would become the first white governor
named Brian Kemp in Georgia, I think.
And because the race is so close,
something like this could make all the difference.
TV REPORTER: The Associated Press reports
that ahead of this historic election,
more than 53,000 Georgia residents
have had their registrations put on hold
thanks to a policy that requires their applications
to precisely match information from other state agencies.
TV REPORTER: Now, basically, if your voter registration
doesn't match up exactly with your DMV
or social security information,
your registration is put on hold,
and you may not be able to vote.
We're not talking about major details like your address.
We're talking about simple misspellings, a rogue hyphen,
a nickname on one form, and your full name on another.
Okay. Now, I think this is just bullshit. Right?
You're telling me that some people won't get to vote
just because their voter name
doesn't exactly match their name on file?
Like, it's funny how this happens with voting,
but it never stops the IRS. Yeah?
The IRS is never like, "Oh, we had Trevok Noah.
I guess you don't have to pay taxes this year."
No. They'd be, like, "Hey, Trevor Noah,
"you misspelled your name, dumbass,
and you owe us 20 grand."
And because Georgia is currently run by Republicans,
I'll give you one guess as to which type of people
had their voter registrations put on hold.
TV REPORTER: Georgia's population
is approximately 32% black,
but the list of voter registrations on hold
is nearly 70% black.
Well, well, well.
My old friend racism.
I've been expecting you.
Isn't it interesting...
Isn't it interesting how every time Republicans create
a voting restriction, it just so happens
to disproportionately affect people of the brown-brown?
Hmm?
And I'm not gonna lie it's very slick, yeah,
because, on the surface, it always seems legitimate.
Yeah. A hundred years ago, the argument was, "Nothing personal.
We can't let people vote if they don't know how to read."
And black people were, like,
"But learning to read was illegal."
They're like, "Oh, ironic. Look at that."
And now today it's like,
"How can we trust that it's really you
if the names aren't exactly the same?"
And black people are like,
"Yeah, but white people never spell my name right."
"Well, that's too bad, Dereek."
It's like, "Yo, it's Derek."
(laughter)
The truth is, like, let's be honest,
let's be honest, you don't have to say
who you're targeting to target someone.
You just have to know which rules
are likely to hit them the most.
Right? Like, if I was trying to block
white people at the voting booth,
I wouldn't need to say, "No white people are allowed."
I'd just be like, "Sorry,
"no pumpkin spice lattes in the voting booth.
"I'm sorry, folks. I'm sorry, folks.
"You've got... Yeah, you've got to go home. So sorry, everybody.
"So sorry, everybody. Go home. Go home.
No, Dereek, you're good. Come on in, man. Come on in."
And what makes this Georgia situation extra shady--
extra, extra shady--
is who's in charge of allowing people to vote.
Kemp never stepped down as the current Secretary of State,
which means he is the person
overseeing the upcoming election.
And as the current Secretary of State,
he's responsible for elections and voter registration.
Well, well, well...
it appears there's something wrong with my chair.
Come on, guys, really?
The guy in charge of the election
is also running the election.
Like, that is some Africa-level shit right there.
We're used to that all the time on the continent.
Someone would be like, "Okay, now that everyone has voted,
"I'm going to take the ballots into the other room,
"and when I come back, I'll tell you how I won...
I mean, who won. I'll tell you who won."
(laughter)
And now...
(cheering and applause)
And, now, look, the truth is...
the truth is if you ask Kemp,
he'll say that the registration blocking
isn't happening because these people are black,
and it's not happening because he's in charge.
He's gonna say it's happening
because most people who filled out their forms wrong
just happen to be black.
Because, you see, white people fill out forms like this,
and black people fill out forms like this.
And, look, we can go back and forth on this all day,
right, but I think I know how to solve this.
This is what I think we should do.
Every black person in America
needs to register as a Republican, right?
No, hear me out. Hear me out.
Just say you're gonna vote red. You don't have to do it.
Just be like, "I'm a Republican."
You go and vote, you can do whenever you want.
When you come out, they ask you who you voted for,
just be like, "Yo, snitches get stitches." That's all you do.
That's all you do.
And I guarantee you...
I guarantee you if the GOP thinks
that black people are voting for them,
they will make sure that your vote counts.
They're gonna be waving Trayvons into the voting booth
like a third base coach.
And if you don't believe me, if you don't believe me,
just look at Kanye West. Yeah.
Before him, before him, Republicans were like,
"Black people, just do your job. Shut up and dribble."
But all he had to do was put on a MAGA hat,
and they let him into the White House
to yell at the president about time travel
in the Oval Office.
So if it worked for Kanye West, it'll work for you.