- Hello, and welcome to Jessica and Claudia film
in the car because we have a toddler and no childcare.
- We'll wait til he naps, and then we'll film,
but, you know, inevitably, like today,
he's gone to sleep in the car.
Often happens if we go out and about, but anyway.
- So here we are. - So here we are,
filming in the car, so hopefully it's fine,
hopefully the audio is okay, and it is what it is.
- It's fine, it's fine, it's good.
It's on the fly, you know.
- Yeah. - Hi.
For those of you who are new, I'm Jessica.
- I'm Claudia.
- We are married.
We have, this year, been married for-
- Seven years. - Seven years.
- Seven and a half years.
It'll be eight years in September.
And interestingly, pretty much the same time
that we got married is the same time,
or just after, actually, was the inception
of Jessica's YouTube channel.
- That is true.
I was wondering where you were going with that.
If you don't know, I have a condition called EDS,
Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome,
and this month, May,
is Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome awareness month,
so we thought that we would answer some questions
that are related to being in a marriage,
in a partnership where one of us is disabled
and the other one is not.
These questions were asked on our joint Instagram account,
@JessieandClaud, you can go follow us,
the link is in description below.
We do each have our own Instagram accounts as well,
which you can also go follow.
Claudia does lots of nice photography.
- Yeah, I'm trying to improve my photography,
and I'm self-taught,
which I have monthly existential crisises about,
and please follow. - And then causes me
to have one, clearly.
- That's the pains of living
and working and loving together,
like we do everything together.
- We do, we do everything together.
It's very on trend lesbian.
"How do you mentally deal with the days
where the pain feels relentless?"
I find it so hard.
So the past week for me has been a bit of a struggle.
I've been dealing with just the most horrific pain,
because my neck and the muscles across my scalp had gone
into some kind of spasmy cramp for six days for no reason.
- She did treat herself to like,
I basically encouraged Jessica
to get like fortnightly massages, like really deep massages,
and you say that helps-
- Thai massages. - But even this time,
you said it didn't help as much as it normally does.
And I try and crack her back every day.
Like, it's probably not advisable,
but like, I just basically give her a massive bear hug
until her back's like (mimics joints cracking),
and the more pops, the better.
- For me, it's always been about looking forwards.
So I did have points in my life where.
Like right now, let's be honest, look at me, I'm dressed,
I'm sitting up, I'm able to talk-
- We just went out for lunch. - We just went out for lunch.
I'm clearly not in a terrible, terrible pain.
It's pretty bad on the pain scale, but it's a livable pain,
it's a pain with which I can do things.
The level of pain at which I am able
to function in day-to-day is really quite extreme.
We talk sometimes about what if we just switched bodies,
and it was just suddenly Claudia's just in my body,
and she'd be like, oh my God.
- I'd just be like,
I'm not getting out of bed. - How were you just talking
to me casually a minute ago? - I'm not doing anything.
- And I'm like, yeah, well.
And it does just adjust, but there have been points
in my life where it was much worse
and I wasn't able to function and able to do anything,
and even then,
the stuff that got me through was forwards thinking
and finding joy in the little stuff.
So whether that be, you know,
oh, there is gonna be something good happening next week,
or the completely imaginary, make it up, you know,
create a perfect, wonderful, amazing future for yourself,
and I don't see any harm in that.
- No, I mean that's all the trend.
- It is, manifesting.
Why not, why not? - Manifest it, vision it.
- And you don't need to manifest yourself
as being not ill or not disabled,
but you can manifest all the other stuff
in your life as being fabulous.
I manifested a beautiful wife for myself.
- She just literally always slaps me
in the face, but yeah. - So sorry (laughs).
My depth perception is not very good.
- You've manifested- - I manifested-
- Having your own home-
- Starting a wonderful family. - You're having a family.
- I manifest, you know, it's just about being like,
I'm one day gonna have this stuff, it's going to happen.
Finding whatever it is that keeps you going,
because you are necessary, and you are needed.
- He's waking up.
- Drive on, drive on.
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You know, after the rest of this Q&A.
- "How's Rupert when Jessica needs to stay in bed all day?"
He's okay.
I mean, he's okay during the actual day,
he just says to me, like, where's Mama?
And I'm like, oh, Mama's in bed resting,
or Mama's in bed sleeping,
or Mama's upstairs in bed working or whatever it is,
and he's like, hmm.
And then sometimes he's like, see Mama, go see Mama,
and I'm like, okay, and then we go up and see you,
and then he's just like, hello.
And then sometimes he'll be like, get up,
and you're like, no, I can't get up today,
and he's like, okay,
and then I say, we're gonna go downstairs and play,
and he's like, okay, bye-bye, Mama.
So he's quite accepting of it,
or even if he doesn't go upstairs, he's just like, okay.
By the end of the day,
like if you don't get out of bed at all,
he's a bit annoyed with you, isn't he?
- Yeah. - Like he wants you
to get out of bed at some point, which you do.
Jessica does then, if she's been in bed all day,
usually you're like, I dunno whether you are good enough
or whether it's just that like you feel that you need to,
but by dinnertime, you often try
and make it down for a little bit.
- Yeah, even if I'm really not doing great,
but I do get out of bed.
I just, for my own mind, cannot be in bed
for that length of--
- And you miss us, 'cause you can hear us playing downstairs
and-- - I just miss you guys.
- Yeah. - Yeah,
and then I tend to slug myself downstairs.
- Yeah, he definitely understands it at the time,
and he's very patient and good with it,
but I would probably say that we do notice
when he's become upset or frustrated by it,
because when Jessica then almost is back
from being in bed for a day or two-
- Yeah. - He then is like,
either rejects you,
in the sense that he's like, no, I want Mummy.
- So for him, it's quite out of character.
- He'll just be like, not Mama,
and then be like, push you away kind of thing.
- Yeah, so if I come up to see what he's working on,
he'd be like, no, not Mama.
- Or if you wake up feeling like,
actually I've woken up feeling okay today,
I'm gonna go down to his bedroom when he wakes up.
- I'll be the one to knock on his bedroom door.
- And then you go in like really excited to see him,
hoping that he's gonna be like, yay, Mama, it's you,
but he's like, not Mama, I want Mummy.
It always really upsets you, doesn't it?
- Yeah, and he'll stop, he won't sign to me
and then be annoyed that I don't understand him.
- Yeah, so I guess there's a level
of acceptance at the time,
but then on some level, he can't quite process it
and he feels a bit rejected.
- Which is understandable, he's not even two.
- Yeah. - But generally,
he is very understanding,
like he is starting to really twig
that people have different levels of ability,
or he always has.
- I mean, it's quite useful to have Walter as well,
'cause Walter's really old now,
he's got really bad arthritis, he's really slow,
and he has bladder problems as well,
so we have to put puppy pads out for him
where he goes for a wee,
and also when we go for a walk,
he doesn't always come with us,
and we've tried to explain that a lot to Rupert.
You know, like, oh, that person over there's an old man,
that's why he's being a bit slow,
we have to be patient with him.
Rupert'll be like, like Walter,
Walter's an old man. - Old man.
- And it's like, yeah, like Walter, yeah.
Or he's like, dogs wee outside,
except for Walter can't hold it.
I'm like, yeah, he can't hold it, you know,
so there's some level of understanding
that people have different abilities
and you have to be patient with other people.
- Yeah, for sure.
- "How do you deal with deadlines and chronic fatigue?"
- I just push through.
- Yeah, Jessica either...
Well, no, we do have.
Okay, so like my job and Paige's job, our assistant,
is to try and help Jessica meet deadlines,
but also, if we recognize that that is just not possible,
we may step in before Jessica does
to say, look, actually, let's push this deadline back
for your own health,
'cause Jessica's not so good at recognizing
that she needs to do that,
because she's like, like she just said, gonna push through.
But like, there's always gonna be another deadline to meet.
It's not like you push through, meet it,
and then you get a week off to relax.
It's like, there's another deadline two days later.
There is some flexibility in terms of like,
we're freelance in a sense, so.
Well, we are freelance, aren't we, really?
- We are freelance full-time content creators,
and it's,
we have, you know, one long form video a week
and then multiple short form videos
and brand things as well,
and I do live talks, which, in a way, have to take some kind
of precedence if there's a deadline,
because it's happening, like, it's right now,
you've gotta do it.
- Also with brand work, a lot of things are already like,
we just want this campaign to go out
between this date and this date,
and you give them a like, okay,
well, we're gonna release it on this date,
but also the fact that they're working with Jessica,
they should understand, they should be aware,
it's not something that we hide
that Jessica has a chronic health condition,
and thus, if we need to push back on a deadline,
it's like, we're really sorry.
And I personally don't feel guilty about it,
I mean, it's not me, it's you, isn't it?
But I don't ever feel
like Jessica should feel guilty about it,
because like I just said, we've always been transparent
about her health condition.
She talks about it openly on her channel,
it's part of her brand almost, that's who she is,
and it's always a valid reason,
we never use it as an excuse.
It's a last resort to push a deadline back,
so we never feel guilty about that,
and I think your health should always come first.
- I think it's very tempting to push
until there's nothing left, but then there's nothing left.
- And like I said, something else is gonna come
and be in our, whether it's work
or whether it's being a mum or whatever it is,
like, there's always things to meet and do, so.
- Having a condition that is quite episodic,
I have a fear within me that's like,
well, if I feel good right now,
I need to do everything I can.
I've got to use up all of my energy
and take every experience and every chance
that I have right in this very moment, because who knows?
Next week, I'll probably just injure myself.
- And you're like, yeah, and you could argue,
you're living like the present moment, like seize the day,
but also with this horrible dark cloud behind you
that's basically threatening to come and rain on you
if you don't do it now.
So that's a horrible way to live,
to be constantly in fear of being in a position
where you can't have or do those things.
- Childhood trauma.
- Welcome back, we had to move again.
- We did indeed.
Welcome to a tour of the best places
for your baby to nap in Brighton.
- Got the nice soothing sounds of seagulls.
- "How do you stay positive when having many bedrest days?"
Now, I actually covered this in my video
with Stevie from our Sweet Aunt, Spicy Aunt series,
so you can click here, this little card here,
after you watch this video obviously.
Claudia, how would you stay positive?
If you had to be in bed for many, many days?
- I would try and be productive.
Is that bad?
- No, it's just funny.
Of course you would.
- Obviously, if you're in bed
because you're in pain and you can't get up
and you can't do anything else
because you've got this like annoying, excruciating pain,
it may be hard to be quite productive, isn't it?
Is that what you're basically saying?
- I'm saying, the only time that you've had to be forced-
- Was when I had a, in recovery.
- Was when she had a caesarian-
- And I wasn't in bed every day.
- And she did not sit down. - I came downstairs every day.
- Refused, absolutely point blank refused to sit down.
Stay down, please. - Well, he was born
in the beginning of June- - Calm down.
- Which is prime time for your gardening vegetable patch
to go into full bloom.
Everything's ready to harvest.
- She was basically out there every day, I was dragging her
out the garden like- - She's like, this child
- You're meant to sit down. - Needs breastfeeding.
But what I did learn when I was awake
in the middle of the night and in bed,
effectively for hours, obviously with good health,
but a baby and a caesarian scar
and some pain there, but otherwise okay,
I did lots of Skillshare videos
(both chuckle)
at like 2:00 in the morning, 4:00 in the morning,
and I really thought, wow, I'm being so productive,
but definitely that's the way to like,
or like reading a novel.
Productivity doesn't have to be about bettering yourself
in any way in a career orientated way either,
it just like, literally I listened
to this thing the other day on a podcast,
and it basically just said,
productivity just is doing more and making time
to do more of the things you love doing.
- If building the next generation
of your "Sims" legacy family is bringing you joy,
that is productive.
You know what, at least this video is sponsored by Surfshark
so you can watch a lot of content.
"What's the one thing that you wish people wouldn't assume
about disability?"
- That you all sit in wheelchairs?
(Jessica sighs)
- Well, I mean, that's a valid one, yes,
that we all sit in wheelchairs, therefore you don't need
to make any other kind of- - That you all wish
you weren't disabled? - Accommodation.
Think being disabled, the word disabled is awful,
terrible thing and you need to tiptoe around it,
use words like handicapable.
Yeah, no, it's fine.
I personally see being disabled as just a part of me.
I personally would include ADHD and autism as disabilities,
and I would do so because I think
that having the word disabled attached
to something comes with many benefits,
not just in the terms of benefits
from the government and money and whatnot,
but also just in terms of recognition
and feeling-- - And education.
- And education. - I was gonna say like--
- And the way you feel about yourself.
- I think any type of diagnosis you receive,
regardless of whether that's classed as a disability or not
by a healthcare professional or by the public,
having that diagnosis, it's giving you information
that helps you research and educate
and therefore maybe put into place things
that are gonna help you or ways that you can then navigate
through your life more easily.
- Yeah, the same as-- - I wear size six,
I've got size six feet.
Oh great, now I know which size shoes to buy from the shops.
Isn't it a bit like that?
Okay, might've been weird, but--
- With a lot of trauma and processing, but yes.
Well, this video took a turn.
- It did.
- We took many turns. (Claudia laughs)
Around the neighborhood.
Thank you for joining us.
- We probably should move on again.
- (laughs) Moving on, bye.
Thanks so much for watching.
Thank you again to Surfshark for sponsoring today's video.
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Bye.
(cheerful music)