so about four years ago i got debilitatingly sick i'd always had like a weak immune system
like i was kind of just used to perpetually being sick and then about four years ago um i did some
traveling i i wound up getting bit by a tick and i got lyme disease and then i went to asia
i wound up getting parasites and so by the time i got back to the states my tongue turned black
and i was bedridden and doctors really didn't know what to do i was really lucky i actually
had a lyme literate doctor who was able to test me and she was like look this is what's going
on and she wanted me to go on anywhere from six weeks to eight months of multiple antibiotics
and i was like i really don't want to do it so after about three weeks of the antibiotics i
stopped and i went to a silent retreat and i started looking for different spiritual
outlets and ways to heal myself that was more that were more in alignment with the way that
i wanted to live my life my progress was not great i just kept getting sicker and sicker
i couldn't walk more than five steps without having to catch my breath going upstairs was
impossible life just like my world just got very very very small very very quickly and to the point
where i literally the only thing i could eat was bone broth maybe a few other things here and there
but i was like really limited in how i could live my life the things that i could do i was terrified
of my environment i was scared to go outside i was scared to talk to people i was scared to
have people over like everything just became like more and more scary in my world doctors didn't
know what to think about what was going on with me you know i had a i had a doctor say to my parents
it's just a case of another girl who's tired like and like wait what and so my parents were like uh
you're you're fine like that doctor said you're fine and i was like i'm this isn't normal i can't
breathe i can't walk this isn't okay um and i was like but i'm gonna be fine and i'm going to
do this and i noticed that like when i had when i felt supported and i felt love then i started
to feel better and when i felt like i was in antagonistic relationships i started to feel worse
and so i started to track these things and then i came across dr joe's work and like things just
started clicking and i was like i have to get to a live event i know like this is this is gonna help
so i went to bogota columbia and at that point i wasn't flying because my neurological symptoms
were so severe that when i would fly i would have neuropathy and like headaches that would last for
months like for like a month if i had been on a flight like it could last for as long as a month
how did you get to bogota i flew because i knew i was like well what do i have to lose i was like i
know what's gonna happen either i i fly and i have neuropathy and a headache for a month and then i
know i'm gonna be okay after that like that's the worst case scenario best case scenario i get a
little bit better you know so i flew to bogota and i was really concerned about the altitude because
of all the neurological complications that i had but i get to bogota and the first day of the
workshop i started to feel better like i had no altitude sickness my head felt fine i felt clear
and i was like okay this is weird like what is going on um i flew back from bogota and i had very
very minimal neuropathy like and i didn't have a headache and i was up and like running around and
totally fine once i got off the plane and i had like a little bit of neuropathy but like it was it
was like nothing i was like okay there's something to this i'm starting to get better um and so then
covet happened or the pandemic happened and i was really looking forward to getting to the next
workshop and the next workshop i was like oh what am i gonna do but i kept up with the meditations
i had ups i had downs i had some reel downs i had some real ups but i started to make decisions in
my life that you know were consistent with the thoughts and the behaviors that i wanted to see
exhibited in my world and so um i left a partner that i was with and i started like i stopped being
a victim and blaming him and blaming everyone and it's not to say that i always stopped blaming him
and everyone but i was i was working on it and i was catching myself and i was starting to feel
better and then i signed up for the marco island retreat when i got to marco island
one day i had this realization that i it was during the it was the day of the kaleidoscope
and i was like i don't know why i'm pretending that i don't know how to do this i don't know
why i'm pretending that i'm separate from god like i know that i'm not i've experienced this before
like i know who i am i'm i'm going for it so i went for it and um the we had the kaleidoscope
with the mystical images and i go to lay down and i'm already having a great trip but at this point
i'm like okay like something's got to happen so i go to lay down and i was like that was
nice i'm not really thinking anything of it and then all of a sudden i see myself unable
to get up and i was like oh that's interesting but i didn't think anything of it because like
i didn't feel different i was just like that was a weird vision that i had in my mind
and then dr joe says okay take your seats and i was like okay and i go to get up and like i was
like i can't move and it's like all right it's cool like just stay chill it's not a big deal
and then um five minutes past 10 minutes pass and then someone comes over they're like are you okay
i was like i think so i was like i'm here but i can't move they're like do you want to do you want
to be able to move i was like yeah probably but i was like maybe another minute anyway long story
short four hours later i'm convulsing on the floor screaming like a banshee and like it feels like
all hell is breaking loose throughout my body i'm like flailing i've got one woman catching my head
one woman catching my legs my legs are going from side to side and and it was it was a trip and um
and it was it was beautiful and wild and people didn't want to come back the next
day because they were like what is happening to this gal and it didn't hurt i wasn't in any pain
i was like i was laughing and joking the whole time i was fully lucid i was having
the time of my life and like spirit was just kind of moving through me and just getting
stuff out of the way what did that feel like um okay so remember the x that i told you about it um
it felt amazing in my body but the best way that i can describe it is i popped up like my body would
do these things and so i was on the ground i'm kind of like this i'm kind of like this and then
it would like shoot me up and i would be seated up right and the first time i shoot up i see
my ex was also at the event and i see him there and i'm like oh what is he even doing here like
they should get him away like this this isn't appropriate i don't want him here and then proof
i get laid back down again and then i'm like well thinking bothering him convulsing that i get shot
back up and i was like oh i see him again i'm like oh it's not that bad that he's here like he didn't
he doesn't mean anything by it like it's all good and i would get back down again and then the third
time i popped i was like oh my god i love him so much it was just like i was i was flooded with
so much love and appreciation and gratitude and energy like just so much energy i i had no control
over it um and like i would try to stand up and babna and lisey were my angels who were with me
the entire time and they were incredible and they were guiding me through and i felt safe the whole
time i felt like i was i was gonna be fine and i was like this is what i came for like this is
what i asked for it's really happening um but i felt i yeah i felt safe the whole time i felt
like a lot of like vibration throughout my body it was just a lot of vibration and just like a
lot of movement what would you tell somebody who witnessed that that was afraid of what they saw
there's absolutely nothing to be afraid of like in fact it's it's bliss like it's intense it's really
intense but it's beautiful and it's like it just as strange as it feels that's how natural it is
like or as strange as it looks rather that's how natural it feels if there's something um it's
exciting and it's fun but there's just you know i had somebody come up to me she was like i was
really scared for you i was sending you all these prayers i was like oh love i'll send you my lot
like no no like it was great don't there's nothing to there's nothing to be afraid of i feel amazing
you know and um yeah so if anyone who saw that and was like i'm that's really terrifying i would say
there's nothing to be scared of it's beautiful and if if anyone starts to have sensations that
come up like as long as they feel safe and i was blessed that i had those angels around me like go
for it there's it's beautiful and it's incredible and what i found and what i realized you know
being here after that experience people were like oh i'm sure your allergies are gone because i have
like a gazillion food allergies and cilia i had a gazillion food allergies and celiac and all these
things and um people at the event who saw it they were like oh i bet those are gone and like you're
totally fine and i was like no i don't think so i was like that was good but that wasn't it like
that was really nice and it felt like love and it felt like god and i know that that's what it was
but that wasn't it like i know i'm not i'm not i'm not about to eat a pizza like so i was like
i've got to get to the next event i'm going to cancun um and so i signed up for cancun and then
yeah i'll just share this so i wound up a few weeks after the event i wound up getting uh coven
and i was like oh i got a biological upgrade i thought that's supposed to mean that i'm
never gonna get sick again and like i'm peeled and and it was very interesting
and silly but what i realized was that that that coveted experience that i had was like
setting me up for the experience that i had here and that like
that genuinely every experience that i had leading up to this moment
was divine and perfect and setting me up to be here and to experience what i'm experiencing
and like everything that i've resented and hated and thought was terrible and like was a victim to
and said what was me like all of those experiences i literally look at them and i'm just like
thank you of course like it couldn't have happened any differently and so
kobit was one of those experiences where i got really sick and i was laying in bed
and i didn't want to take any tylenol so my fever spiked up to 104 and everyone's like you're nuts
what are you doing right because it's crazy not to take tylenol if you're if you're at 104 fever
and i was like no i was like i know i need to see something i was like i'm going to meditate
i just just give me space i'm going to meditate i need to see what's going on so i just asked my
body i was like okay what is going on here what is it that i'm not seeing like what do i need to see
and what i saw and it gives me chills every time i think about it
but what i saw was that i was holding on to fear and um i was i had this
fear that i wasn't safe and so what i saw was that there was a vibrational frequency for that
and that my celiac my lime and covid were all on the same vibrational frequency
so i was like okay that's good information and when i was in that fever state i went through
i went like back into like back in time and i um i like saw my childhood home and having
mold in my house and i asked like okay so what is it that i don't feel safe about
it's like okay i don't feel safe in my home i don't feel safe in my body and it's like i don't
feel safe in my body temple and then when that happened i got shot back to the first destruction
of the temple in jerusalem and i'm jewish so it was like this ancestral kind of holding
i'm just sharing everything with you by the way um so this like kind of ancestral holding
i guess and i was like oh my gosh this has been in here for ever and like no wonder like it was like
you know i was blaming my parents and i'm like this isn't my parents fault this isn't anybody's
fault like this is like the privilege that i have to work through and so um
so i saw that but i really didn't do a lot with that information and i saw that the way to heal
it was exactly what dr joe has been saying but i didn't hear it when he was saying it like i did
but it just like i got it intellectually and then all of a sudden i saw it and was like
oh you have to you like you actually have to meet that vibration with its opposite like you have to
cultivate the opposite in order to to heal and so then um i was i came here and it was like my
ego started [ __ ] but right before i came and was like don't come don't come you shouldn't go and i
was like no i'm going i came and on day two during the blessing of the energy centers i had a major
experience and i went through each of the energy centers and i found that in the first center
so my first three centers i actually couldn't feel and i was like i'm just going to send them
attention i'm just going to send attention and then i got to my heart and i felt my heart and
it just expanded and expanded and expanded and the thing that i heard was that it's safe to love
and i saw all the ways that i feared loving because i felt that if i exposed myself to love
that i became unsafe in any number of ways and then once that happened the energy shot back down
to my first center and then i realized that i felt very unsafe sexually that i didn't feel safe to
be a sexual being to have sex like and i had all these belief systems that i developed around that
so then once it got back to my first i was able to release this fear of
that that like sex is a bad thing and then it got to my my second and i realized that life is safe
that i didn't have to be scared to leave my house or to engage with people like i was scared that if
i engaged with somebody they would have a virus and i would get it or if i talked to somebody
they would have they would influence me or like i just became so scared of everyone and
i realized like no i'm safe and then i got to my third and i realized that i had been trying
to like put all these protective barriers around me to make myself feel comfortable
and i didn't have to do that because i'm powerful i'm really powerful and i'm strong
and then i back at my heart and i'm you know it's safe to love and then it got to my throat
and i realized that i had been communicating out of like the need to to keep myself safe
so i would say things not because it's what i authentically felt or knew or wanted to share
but because i wanted to create an environment that felt safe for me and then it got to
to my pineal and i realized that i was seeing the world through a lens of fear and i didn't
have to do that anymore that i was safe to see the world through love and then it got up to my
um to my seventh and i felt in every cell of my body that i was worthy to connect with the divine
and then it got up to my crown um to my eighth and i saw that my whole field started getting
like regenerated like that like all like there were all these holes around my field and um
they all like everything just started getting reworked and rewired and then like the energy
just like we were pulling down what the word was that we were tapping into and my word was safety
so i pulled in all of the safety and i felt the safety like moving through
through my field through my cells and i felt the cellular level change like i just i don't
know how to describe it except that it was swirling throughout my body it came
it came like as the energy of safety came down there was all the swirling that was happening
in in my body and then once it got to my second and my first i felt these pops and i felt like
a liberation of energy and like this area that had been numb for years i mean i don't know how
long i don't know if i ever felt down there before like all of a sudden i had all this sensation and
then we were told to lay down and i laid down and i just heard it's done and i knew
in every cell of my body that i could eat whatever i wanted and that i didn't have to be afraid
anymore and that i wasn't you know people used to call me bubble girl and i was like i'm not
bubble girl anymore you know like i i don't have to worry about that like i'm safe i'm really okay
and i'm and i'm whole and i'm healed and i'm complete and then since then it's just been
a wild ride and i've had energy moving through my system and um you know something that i don't
know that i heard before but i would say is really interesting is after that happened like it wasn't
like i was enlightened right i mean i had a moment where i was definitely with like just one with the
divine and then i came back and it was like my ego turned on so like forcibly or forcefully and
um and i had to like really catch my thoughts to make sure that i didn't go back
to the thoughts that i was you know that got me there in the first place it wasn't like oh like
in that instant i knew i was healed but it wasn't like the thoughts just disappeared um so then i
was like on top of them all week on top of them all week on top of them and i had these
like beautiful experiences beautiful experiences and then this morning i had another liberation
of energy in my second center during the pineal meditation and i it felt to me like
staying on top of the thoughts in the way that i did brought me to the place where like i just feel
i feel humbled i feel gratitude i feel a tremendous amount of love
and just yeah just really happy and
grateful