Here’s a simple formula that helps me think about stress in an intuitive way:
Stress = unsatisfied desire * t = (want / have) * t
So there are two key ways to increase stress: want more than you have, and increase the
time it takes to get what you want.
Using this formula as a foundation, here are seven rules to maximize misery and stress.
(1) Desire to be there, not here.
Before we can maximize stress, we have to create it, and we can create it by wanting
what we don’t currently have.
In other words, desire to be there, not here.
Where is there?
There is anywhere but here.
There is that place where you have more: more money, more intelligence, someone else’s
love, the approval of others, status, beauty, and fame.
It’s that magical destination that you’re always running towards.
But desiring to be there isn’t going to bring misery on its own.
Sometimes we actually get there, and overcoming the stress involved brings growth, transformation,
and pleasure.
So to achieve chronic stress and misery, we have to learn to never get there, to never
stop running.
We have to learn to create an unquenchable thirst.
(2) Never learn from your mistakes, or better yet, repeat them.
Once you desire to be there, it’s very important that you never arrive.
In fact, the further you can move away from there the better.
Make random prediction about how to get there.
Stop doing all of the things that move you towards it and repeat the things that move
you further away.
Through trial, error, and refinement, you can create a self-improving process that moves
you further and further away from your destination.
But it’s important to hope that things will suddenly and randomly change for the better.
Nothing causes misery quite like having your hopes crushed over and over again.
If you somehow manage to get there, realize that there is now here.
And if you’re following Rule 1, you must refuse to be happy here, find a new there,
and begin the process all over again.
There is always another there to go to, always.
(3) Be ungrateful.
Remove the word enough from your vocabulary and replace it with more.
Pursue more money, more knowledge, more beauty, more status, more fame, and more approval.
Create an unquenchable thirst inside of yourself, and be like a dog chasing its own tail, always
grasping for something, but never quite getting it.
Refuse to enjoy simple pleasures like a sunny day, a nice meal, or a good joke, because
that might convince you it’s okay to be right here, right now.
Travel from destination to destination, never stopping to smell the roses along the way.
Sure, reaching the last ten destinations never made you feel as good as you thought it would,
but reaching the next one will.
(4) Be arrogant.
To get what you don’t have, you have to learn something new, and all learning begins
in humility: knowing that you don’t already know.
So to maximize stress and misery, be arrogant.
If you already believe you know everything, you’ll never actually learn anything, and
this will make sure you never reach your destination.
But theres more to being arrogant than believing you know everything.
Realize that you are the centre of the universe, and everything depends on whether or not you
get to where you are going.
Treat people like tools that either help or hinder you on your journey.
Take yourself very seriously, constantly talk about how you’re going there, and take no
interest in the lives of others.
This will be a good way to get rid of meaningful relationships that might otherwise challenge
you to grow, keep you grounded, support you in trying times, and make life worth living,
here and now.
(5) Ruminate endlessly.
Do you believe we think to enhance our experience of life?
That mistakes are meant to be learned from and not dwelt upon?
Well, think again.
The purpose of thinking is to needlessly stress yourself out and fill your life with misery.
Ruminate on your past mistakes, do nothing about them, and don’t learn from them.
Desire to change what can never be changed.
Think about the distant and unreasonable goals you have, and reflect on how inadequate your
life is in comparison.
Instead of using your imagination to grow as a person and enhance your experience of
life, let it make you miserable.
Create elaborate, irrational stories in your head that are not based on reality.
For example, assume that the person you like doesn’t like you, even though you have no
real proof that they do or don’t.
If you actually went and talked to them first, instead of creating stories about it, you
might actually get what you want—so don’t do that.
Instead, create a grand story about why they would never like you, based on nothing, so
you can live in a world where you can never have what you want.
In other words, you can live in a mental prison of your own making.
(6) Don’t live sustainably.
You can either sacrifice the future for the present or the present for the future, but
don’t you dare live sustainably.
Instead of finding meals that are both healthy and enjoyable, eat junk food that tastes good
now in exchange for your future health.
Or go the other way and eat really bland, healthy food.
Do this until you hate your life, break down, and binge on junk food again.
Watch TV or play video games for eight hours a day until you feel like you’ve accomplished
nothing productive.
Then work non-stop for a few days until you feel like a soulless robot who never has any
fun and just lives to work.
Cycle back and forth between sacrificing the present for the future or the future for the
present.
This will keep you in a cycle of self-sabotage, ensuring that you always want what you don’t
have but never achieve it.
(7) Keep people who follow the other principles around you.
Now that you’re sufficiently stressed out and miserable, it’s time to take the final
step: keep people who follow the other six principles around you.
If everyone around you thinks the same, you’ll never realize there’s a different way to
think.
And if you somehow try to turn your life around, if you even dare to climb out of this hole
of misery and stress, others will grab you by the foot and yank you back down.
Or better yet, they’ll make you feel crazy for thinking differently, and you’ll jump
back into the hole on your own just to feel sane.