G'day, A.J. Mahari here to talk about borderline radioactivity
it is codependent kryptonite and if you resonate with me
i'm out here to help you to strategize to disconnect to
overcome the chemical soup of you can't stop thinking about ruminating
wanting them back needing that hit again i'm out here to help you if i resonate
with you because this journey after these
relationships and through codependency recovery
requires expert help that puts you
first the person with bpd in the initial exposure that you have to them the
idealization the mirroring and their codependent
people-pleasing phase where they seek to merge with you and get identity from
you in that initial exposure the initial
exposure to the radioactive effect of the person
with borderline personality will not have immediate effects
it's not an obvious problem pain or challenge right away and for some
it it might not be for quite a long time more often than not it is or it was
quite the slow creep opposite depends on the dose so to speak
depends if you're with you you are with or were with the quiet or
acting out borderline you may not have known
at all what was in store for you then like you know today the results
of being mired in the radioactivity and the the radiation ruination
of yourself if one has been exposed to radiation you might not know that
for a period of time the beginning of romantic relationships with a person
with bpd more often than not right and the idealization and
everything phase the siren song be too good to be true
but you didn't know it then is very alluring exciting and it moves
so very quickly it's so physically enticing it's intense
you want it you need it you choose it and you have no way at this point to
know what you're exposing yourself to the more you get closer
you feel closer to the person with bpd and you believe that they were getting
as close to you as you were to them you start spending more and more time
together you did in the beginning right and or however long the relationship
kind of quote worked on quote and your exposure was increasing but you
didn't know that that dormant unknown emotional and psychological borderline
radioactivity the codependent kryptonite is beginning
to mean splitting at communication and relational
difficulties this is undetected radioactive exposure
that at this point or that point for you remained
unknown and unrealized as your closeness grew often with the first commitment of
being exclusive in dating in a relationship
is quickly followed by many people with bpd more often than not
talking about moving in and or marriage this is so quickly this is setting up a
series of micro splits to a major split to devaluation
as a borderline moves from fear of abandonment will move from fear of
abandonment into some kind of pseudo-comfort zone that
can last varying degrees of time short medium or long range periods
of time depending on the person with bpd and then they will move to the fear of
engulfment very quickly often and you don't know
what's happening so you don't know what's what's coming at whatever
point as the borderline's radioactive effects start to be felt by you
confusion fear obligation and guilt fog and denial keep you in a hot
pursuit through any and all or allow you to continue the hot pursuit
through any and all wounding experiences this active slow creep of relational
impossibility is the codependent kryptonite not yet
realized by so many at this point you are being exposed to borderline
incongruence lack of self relating to you as parent representation
and his or her unconscious seeking to get identity through you
the petulance the self-only focus the self-destructiveness the the hurting
you the revving up the borderline mantra what about me be as yet at that stage
unknown slow creep of quote i hate you don't leave me unquote
the emotionally psychologically radioactive reality
already inching you and the person with bpd
unbeknownst to you at that point in a relationship
to the closer and closer apart experience that this radioactive
exposure will unfold for you which is the codependent kryptonite but
it takes people a long time to come out of the denial in the fog to start
realizing all of this they distance eventually at one point another or many
times over you pursue they sooner or later respond
sometimes not always you then start talking again
talking is often not realized this talking that is not
often yet realized totally at cross purposes
from differing emotional worlds you want to clarify and understand what happened
you probably also like to seek redress for how hurt you were
when the person with bpd withdrew or exploded into rage
you seek a meeting of the minds after each psychological and emotional
radioactive episode of the person with bpd
you're seeking closure and reparation of each episode over
and over and over after bpd episode after bpd episode
and you don't realize you're not aware then
you're not getting anything back you're not
getting explanations you're not they're not taking personal responsibility
you are already in a state of not only quote
love addiction unquote but you're in a state of
confused not able to quite understand that you're not getting closure that
you're you're getting satiated by if you can get back to okay
but often before that happens each one of these
bpd radioactive emotional psychological episodes
is going to be leading to often conversations
that will be hours long jade circular arguments where the borderline
defends and throws into red herring you're trying to use logic and reasoning
from your confusion still in denial experiencing codepen and kryptonite
it's ripping you apart but you're not on board with that right now you're so
focused on them and how is this gonna work
and you need to make it work so you have questions and the borderline is
radioactively triggered and here comes the next withdrawal
or rage maybe they kept you up all night in that
radioactive jade conversations wherein there's that red herring argument the
changing topics the moving all the pieces around
the accusations slung at you so quickly you don't even remember what you were
talking about or trying to address with the person with bpd splitting
cycles the person with bpd they don't have the tools splitting
cycles are inevitable and they don't have the tools or
emotional maturity or emotional intelligence or identity of self to
offer any true understanding from because they
don't understand they can't take any personal
responsibility or answer your questions or at least not in any in-depth or
lasting or really make logical sense kind of way so they're
gonna rapid fire turn on you and accuse you
and throw in the red herring and change the subject and
they also have an inability to tolerate your effort toward reparation
because people with bpd have the adverse childhood experience
of repetition compulsion cycles in trying to relate to a parent
often a cluster b parent that always ended
in futility for the personal bpa and childhood ended in
relational rupture ended in closer and closer apart
this slow creep borderline reality is the relational
impossibility between the the radioactive borderline with the slow
creep overall arcing repetition compulsion of
it all to your co-dependent kryptonite and that
codependent kryptonite inside of you is housed in your wounded inner child
who might be still repressed way down deep in your
unconsciousness and that's where you need to start to focus not
continued focus on the person with bpd after it's
all said and done or on and off or whatever the case right now so more
splitting has triggered emotional dysregulation as the intensity
of the borderline emotional psychological radioactivity
exponentially increases to defcon level one
of maladaptive defense mechanisms of me me me me
their survival they don't see you they don't hear you
they don't love you they haven't attached to you they don't have an
ability to love you and the codependent kryptonite of the
wounded inner child and all these circumstances and relational
difficulties is that people with codependency have an
element of full self and you're not really prepared to be
able to be met with healthy love and so the
codependent kryptonite drives you even more
in the pursuit of this quote borderline love
unquote that isn't love and is an attachment and so these jade
conversations these bpd episodes another day another day another night
and a days or weeks or even months or more
lost in relational devastation for you more rapid fire texts back and
forth for many people in different stages of this
you're either left in the painful abandonment of searing silence
or to the experience of a seemingly unending barrage of accusations
blame and blame attacking you for what they've just done to you
codependent kryptonite holds you in a deep
painful denial and you feel responsible for the unknown radioactive exposure
as if you created it when no they brought it with them
and they're the radioactivity of defcon 1
exposure that you're enduring in the kryptonite that is your codependence
the codependent in you just wants it to all be okay again
these cycles for various times and relationships may yield some
okay or good times again and then back to being exposed to
borderline emotional psychological radioactivity again exposing you in your
subconscious unconscious codependent kryptonite
emotional landscape of devastated ruination
again and again with the borderline a devastated ruination
that is housed in your wounded inner child these are the codependent
repetition compulsion cycles that people are unaware of
until unless they get into recovery and healing processes
you are losing yourself or you lost yourself in this case
you're trying to help regulate you or you were trying to help regulate the
borderlines constantly rocking emotional mood states at the
expense of your own needs every single time it hurts and it hurts
so much and it may still hurt so much even if it's on off again or off or over
or you don't know could be even months to years later and
it could still really hurt familiar to codependence
very subconsciously is this pain that you're being caused by the
borderline radioactivity it is in a very unhealthy unconscious
unknowing way soothing but not really soothing
but addressing and being taken in by the by you as a codependent your wounded
inner child's desperate attempts
on that level of parent adult child the child level inside of you unconsciously
that level of the connection to the borderline radioactivity
exposure leaves people in their codependent kryptonite with this
woundiness that is unaddressed almost feeling really unknowingly
that all that you're going through quote hurts so good unquote it doesn't
in the here and now of it all but to your wounded inner child
quote the familiarity is not breeding contempt
and gold the familiarity is breeding a deeper neediness to reconnect
but it's not really to the borderline it's to the parent
that the wounded inner child was abandoned by
hurt by that you had some adverse childhood experience with
and suffered as a consequence people with bpd never
get it they don't take personal responsibility and they can't acquiesce
they can't see you they can't see what you're putting forth they don't get it
they must manipulate you to agree that they are right
you are exhausted you are more and more exhausted
you get more and more depleted so much discomfort ignoring your own needs
you know they are not right but how many times
did you or are you still you will capitulate and abandon yourself
over and over and over again exposing the codependent kryptonite of
the agony of the wounded inner child deep within your
unconscious that is as much as the pain that you think is all about the
borderline oh no it goes deeper inside of you
as well and maybe in any given cycle the borderline withdraws and ghosts for
what has become a rather predictable period of time for each individual with
a person with bpd they they can become somewhat predictable as the individuals
with bpd that they are and what their cycles are and then maybe
the radioactive level has reached breakup after each cycle only to
then in differing ways and periods of time
with the hoovering or reverse hoovering getting back together again
and again until suddenly as of that warning critical mass defcon
1 radioactive level reached again inside the borderline unbeknownst to you
your codependent kryptonite you're you're starting to drown
but it's over and some people know that and some people don't know that
so you might not have known that it was over you might still feel like you don't
know if it's over you pursue the hazardous radioactivity
codependent kryptonite at some point or other
gets blown wide open in the deep horrifying depths of codependent
kryptonite you lose even more to sell you are now
feeling the full effects of this emotional psychological radiation
you are now overexposed and starting to emotionally psychologically and maybe
even physically feel ill you're lacking sleep or you were or you
may still be unable to focus on anything or anyone else but the borderline and
what happened distraught pain rising inside
love addicted wanting needing longing stuck stuck there ruminating
the silent or loud slow creep of the unknown inevitable borderline
radioactivity of relational impossibility
has infiltrated your mind your feelings overtaking
you subsuming you now what self-preservation to seek healing or
around the cycle again to the same devastation same end
again and again until the borderline isn't there anymore
and you're still left in the emotional psychological radioactive ruins
borderline emotional psychological radioactivity
breaks many down quickly and many others much
more slowly where are you at now what do you know now how much do you
hurt how stuck are you in ruminating and the painful withdrawal
just needing just longing for just one more hit one more try one more
chance that can turn into countless one more chance one more chance after one
more chance feeling and believing this was your
fault the codependent nightmare of your inner child's mounting need for you to
rescue him or her are you still trying to rescue the
borderline or relationship instead of that wounded
hurt devastated needing you inner child and yourself are you still drowning
inside the ocean of codependent kryptonite that seeks to
be re-exposed via the addiction the love addiction and
the chemical soup of what's happened to you that seeks to
be unconsciously exposed again and again to
your codependent kryptonite are you in no man's land of a
radioactive emotional psychological explosion too confused and
shattered to know you need to stop and seek shelter from the emotional
radiation of the borderline is it all just still too compelling have
you lost almost or totally abandon yourself to
the point even you don't matter compared to needing just one more hit at the
borderline idealization long after
that's even possible is that it's time to save yourself
i can help you if you resonate with me so the borderline radioactivity the slow
creep that you can't be aware of until it's
all said and done has hit you square in the codependent
kryptonite that is what you need to know more about
and understand what that means for you in your life to your
knowing self to your healing something that was in you foundationally from
childhood unfortunately from adverse experience that led to the
relationship with the person with bpd or mp that
led you to the cluster b unbeknownst to you
by the wounded inner child
i