so my first part-time job was at MGM
Studios in Orlando Florida they call it
Hollywood Studios now but to me it's
always gonna be MGM now I know a lot of
you guys have been to Disney no matter
what park you go to there's God's going
to be certain types of things going on
behind the scenes that none of you guys
are aware of but there's layers and
categories that divide all the Disney
employees the people that have worked
there for 15 years and they have their
little pen and they've met their
boyfriend or girlfriend there and
they're getting married on property and
it's a whole Disney themed wedding yet
you got those people there the people
that take their job too seriously but
you have the costume the non costume you
get the non costume people there smiling
all the time they're just a little bit
awkward to be around and they have the
costume people who believe they are
those Disney characters kids are sitting
on a bench somewhere you know drinking a
soda and they'll run up slap the drink
out of the kids hands a kid's quick come
on I just stole this loaf of bread from
the marketplace cuz I'm poor and guess
what you're poor to Sultan's guards are
coming let's run it let's sing let's
sing a song while we run got to keep one
jump ahead of the lawmen I never had a
problem working with those people okay
then you got the people like me who
would show up to work on time clock in
do their job clock out not cause any
problems and I love working people like
me because I'm awesome
now the people I didn't like working
with the snitches and Disney snitches
are the worst their sole objective when
they come to work is to pretty much just
rat and snitch on everybody else they
think they're like spies in reality
they're coming to work and they're
jumping into their 1984 Honda Civic but
in their mind they're in Ashton Martin
cruising in mi6 like they're a double O
agent and they work for British Secret
Intelligence there was one day I went
into work and they put me outside of my
ride and I was not in the best of moods
to be all smiley and in the corner of my
eye I see the other greeter standing
there and he's just there tapping his
foot
you know he's staring at me with his
hands on his hips like oh he thinks he's
all slick I see him go over to the phone
two minutes later a manager shows up
anyways I got reprimanded that day and
I'm like dude you're 38 why are you
riding on some 16 year old like really
man come on but oh don't get me started
on the managers over there okay I can't
talk for other Disney parks but the
managers at MGM in my section oh wow
okay so we had five managers
and they would rotate every week and
four out of those five managers hated my
guts one of them was black and you
figured the one black gotta be the one
that liked me no no the black guy hated
me the most so you can't give some black
people power or your best friend until
you hand us that clipboard and then as
soon as we get that clipboard all of a
sudden we think in our own minds we're
lion-o lord of the Thundercats
and we rule over all of third earth and
thundera like you can't give some black
people that clipboard now the managers
didn't start off harassing me like this
happened about six months in and
everything was magical at first like an
orientation is probably the best
orientation I've ever had for any of my
jobs ever like they group all the new
people up and let you skip the lines and
we all go on rides together
you play team-building games or your
whole group and it's like they seal the
deal with free food one thing I will say
Disney has the best employee food
anywhere it's pretty much the same thing
they feed the guests but it's like 70%
off and I can't speak for anybody else
but if you ever want me to do something
doesn't matter how crazy it is take me
out and give me free food if that
orientation lady would have sat down
next I probably shouldn't even say this
on this video but anyways if I
orientation lady would have sat down
next to me and leaned over and whispered
like All Quiet like at ah day we're glad
you're having a good time
welcome to the team but we need you to
kidnap the Prime Minister of Australia's
daughter tonight I would have looked up
by like yo get me on a plane now forget
inception and rent go four layers deep
and planten's a little idea of seed like
a parasite know if you want me to do
anything bump all that just like taking
me to PF Changs
and buy me like $200 worth of food
disney knows what they're doing but they
kind of brainwashed their employees and
it's not a natural thing I mean to smile
for eight hours a day every day and
listen to the same every single day your
eyes starts to twitch and you stuck like
tick like you get these weird little
tics there's gonna be some side effects
same way there's side effects or viagra
you know if your excitement lasts for
more than 14 days please consult in a
physician see those kind of side effects
like they
warned you about that Disney they never
warned you about the side effects Disney
employees they snap and you never see
the ones that snap because it's always
when you go to lunch break you raise
your hand the clock out and then
something psychologically fires in your
mind and you just turn into a zombie and
you just keep walking to the parking lot
and just jump in their car and just go
you should never come back I snapped you
just become self-aware you know you you
want to stop working but you just figure
yeah so what do I do I start showing up
late on purpose first it was five
minutes then it was ten minutes then I
bumped it up to thirty minutes and
nobody would notice I had to step it up
a little bit so what do I do next I
started stealing and I don't want to see
anything too crazy like I don't want to
get in any serious trouble so what do I
steal okay first I started stealing
pencils
I'm Disney brainwashed you know I'm
saying so like stealing pencils is a big
deal
and I'll call obviously nobody noticed
so what do I start stealing in front of
the Indiana Jones show we have a
magnetic clip board to be posted times
yeah no more 8:30 shows I stole all the
8:30 show magnets I don't know what came
over me I was standing there like boom
you're coming with me
thug life baby okay get on my level and
then one night you know my shift is over
I'm about to go home and then some
random manager from a completely other
section of the park comes up to me is
like hey you hey hey K where's your
nametag say at it at it at a Dan T at
you at a mantium come with me I'm
walking with this guy I'm like what's up
man I'm about to go home he's like nah
no you're not going home we need you all
right a company just rented out the
parks and they only rented out half the
park so you see over there bike star
wars where there's no life and it's
pitch black and there's a bunch of
roaches scattering around and lord knows
what over there we need you to stand
there for about three hours and I'm
looking at this guy like you're kidding
Rambo I got to go home and I got school
tomorrow okay look buddy I'm sorry okay
we all got things to do tomorrow but you
got to stand over there in case any
guests get lost we need you to stand
over there in the darkness and they walk
over you redirect them back over a
civilization where all the partying is
okay we're gonna all be over here you
stand right over there like okay well
how long do I have to stand over there
maybe a few hours I'll come and let you
know I'm over there standing
and the longer I stand there the more he
did I get iced talking to me like I'm a
Mike looking like I'm an animal do you
think I am why am I the only person
standing over I don't see anybody else I
quit
I'm done I'm out of your piece I'm
walking I'm done that's it I don't care
what happens I am die I hope that guy
sees me walking out and as I'm about to
get to wardrobe to clock out I look down
the street and all I see are Disney
ships and the entire road is full of
just free Disney food chefs are talking
pancakes in the air in slow motion
you got chefs on the grill free food
galore and that comes is where the
package is like you can rent out the
park and the entire park is catered I
got to get some of this food but it's
like all rich all people around like I
can't blend in right now you know I
assess a situation and I realize okay
one I'm rehiring myself too I gotta find
out what the deal is with all this so
next day I come into work and I pull
aside one of the employees that have
been there for like three years and I'm
like yeah um people can rent out the
parks like yeah okay crazy question I
know um uh so they always have free food
like that or how's that work like yeah
they always get free food okay okay ah a
crazy question of it what if an employee
like got caught sneaking in and trying
to eat some other free food I thought I
was crazy right and she looked at me and
she was like I'm termination on the spot
okay that's how I'm going out I'm going
out in a Orchestra of bacon sausage and
eggs so about a month later another
group rents out the park so now I'm just
sizing everybody up and like uh still I
can't blend it with you guys but two
months after that a high school
rinse out the entire part and we only
have two shows at Indiana Jones that
night so I'm telling myself this is it
this is it we do our two shows and the
instant that second show ends I like
like I minja
like I'm hopping from rooftops on the
Disney rise to get to wardrobe I change
and now my new mission is how do I get
back where I civilian clothing without
any security scene I spent too many
hours playing Metal Gear Solid had a
Okajima do not fail me now okay I'm lean
up against walls I'm in bushes I had a
little cardboard box I'm creeping around
it you know in the security walk okay
can't go in here that I make it back out
there I grab a place and it's like
hamburgers chicken pasta I'm eating
french toast for no reason they have
seafood thank ribs Pillsbury Doughboy is
like doing cartwheels in the background
like they have fish they have everything
they have gummiberry juice when you open
the cartoon the poster that they drink
they active to have the real gummiberry
juice there I ate so much food oh my
gosh I showed them my kids might be a
beast because of some of the stuff that
I did that night and then I realized
like crap I don't want to be the one kid
that's running around by himself
eating all this food so I got blend in
so I look around and I find these group
of kids and I just kind of chameleon my
way into a little clique next thing you
know me and my new BFF we're going on
all the rides together it was one of the
best nights of my life they never caught
me they never found out about it yeah
Disney I got a confession I quit about a
few months later so I don't work for
Disney any more but I will say I know it
sounds bad but working for Disney was
amazing awesome experience and I tell
you guys all that to get to this if you
guys know anybody that looks even
remotely like me this is what I look
like if you know anybody that looks you
remotely like me that lives maybe in the
LA or Orlando area and works at Disney
and has an ID that's valid that looks
like me that I can use to get back onto
Disney property yeah please send this
video to them as a matter of fact if you
know anybody that works at Disney
because they might know so actually you
know what just put this up on your
Facebook wall send it out to everybody
tweet it because somebody that you know
know somebody that knows somebody that
works at Disney that know somebody that
looks like me and they need to see this
video so help you boys you out okay
because with a valid ID I kept back on a
property you next time I high school at
college rents out the park here's my
Facebook here's my Twitter here's my
myspace I even got a tumblr here's all
this stuff okay guys if you know
somebody that looks like me
contact me immediately it's about them
chicken quesadillas right now and you
have not lived until you've tried
disney's season french fries true story
okay I'm done