I announced that next season will be my last.
And if you're hearing this for the first time, surprise.
[LAUGHTER]
So I'm finally leaving.
I'm going to pursue my dream of being a long distance trucker.
[LAUGHTER]
It's going to be me and 18 wheels.
[LAUGHTER]
There have been a lot of rumors about who's
going to replace me next year.
And I say next year because a lot of people
think I'm ending this year.
But it's next year.
Of course, this time next year, I'll be saying this year.
But right now it's next year.
[LAUGHTER]
Hope that clears it up.
A lot of people are saying that Tiffany Haddish may take over
because she's been guest hosting a lot.
I'm not sure that that's going to happen.
Don't get me wrong.
I love her.
And I would love for her to host.
She ready.
But she ready for a lot of jobs.
She busy.
[LAUGHTER]
Some people think that James Corden might take over.
And there's a problem with that rumor.
He already has a show.
So if he was taking over, he would
have already announced that next year would be his last season.
[LAUGHTER]
My friend Wanda Sykes is another name people are mentioning.
And I'm here to tell you that Wanda Sykes will definitely
be taking over the show.
[CHEERING & APPLAUSE]
Psych.
See what I did there?
[LAUGHTER]
Because her name's Wanda Sykes, so I said "psych."
Y'all are going to miss these jokes.
You're going to be, like, I miss the corny jokes.
There are all these speculations.
But I can also speculate.
So let's do some speculating-- speculation-- speculatate.
That's a funny word--
speculate-- specula-- speculation.
Now it sounds dirty.
[LAUGHTER]
It turned a corner.
It was fine, and then it sounded dirty.
[LAUGHTER]
What was I saying?
Oh yeah.
So I heard Meryl Streep is going to take over.
And she will be great.
She has Oscars, but one thing she does not have
is a Daytime Emmy.
And I happen to know that that keeps her up
at night because I text her at midnight with photos
of my Daytime Emmy.
[LAUGHTER]
That's how it keeps her up.
People are also saying that Oprah
is going to come out of retirement and host this show.
And by people, I mean, just me.
She won't.
What does she think, she's too good for a show
that somebody else's name is on?
[LAUGHTER]
Did I mention that Ellen stays?
That's the name of the show, no matter what.
It's too expensive to change all the signs.
We have signs everywhere.
[LAUGHTER]
Let's just do a quick lightning round of a possible hosts--
Brad Pitt, possible; Julia Roberts, possible;
Sofia Vergara, muy caliente; Ryan Seacrest, similar hair
and wardrobe.
He could fit right in.
I could just leave my clothes for him.
Flo from Progressive--
I called the 1-800 number and I'm still on hold.
She would be good.
But until you hear it from me it's just rumors.
But we are looking for someone who will continue,
preferably someone named Ellen, or someone who
knows how to make new signs.
Or add something to Eleanor, or they could just
change the name to Ellen.
It's a good-- anyway, I'll keep you posted.