- Why are you reading it at that angle?
- Huh?
- Just hold it up
- Oh yeah, this is way easier
We find our hero and companion looki-
- Decades have passed, since the force last woke. When there was the last Jedi.
That's when I first awoke...
Him.
That's impossible.
I've never seen anything like that before.
- What, the force?
- No...
An Asian lead-character. (damn dat shade tho)
- Why wake me, after all this time?
- Because, we need you.
There's a force, that's more powerful than ever.
Led by an individual known as Darth Something.
This side which opposes ours, has grown and consumed more than ever before.
This side which has-
- Hold up, you keep saying this "side" like, are you talking about like the Dark Side or?
- Shhh.
- What?
- Don't just say that!
- What did I say?
- We don't use terms like "dark" and "light" anymore!
It's incredibly offensive. It's just our side and the other side now.
- But, I didn't know, like I just woke up you know, like what? Psshi-
Our side...
The other side...
Everything we worked for...
They'll all come to an end.
(cuz bottle flip is sooooo last year)
(pewpewpewpewpewdiepiepewpew)
(Willhelm scream)
(more pewpewpewpewpew)
- Oh!
- What are you supposed to be?
- What do you mean? I'm- I'm a Stormtrooper.
- Y-you don't look like the other guys.
- I know, Darth Something, he cut the Stormtrooper budget so...
I got stuck with the old gear.
- Okay?
Well...
ah~~
(even more pewpewpew)
- Heh.
- You need two light sabers?
Oh yeah?
(Watch me whip, watch me nae nae)
1000 degree knifesaber clash
(7/11 didn't pay for this i swear)
- Enough!
It's time you've learned the truth.
- What truth?
(Lasers fire)
- Get down, get- get down!
- What, what is it?
My god, they have AT-AT walkers too?
- AT-AT Walkers? That's ancient technology.
Those are AT-AT Gliders, much faster. ("Ridin'" by Chamillionare in the background)
- They look like they're gonna be popular for like, 2 months and then suddenly disappear.
(Lasers fire)
We're surrounded!
- It's only got one charge left!
- Here.
(Willhelm scream)
- Why didn't you just do that in the first place?!
(suprise)
( HI I'M RYAN HIGA AND YOU'RE WATCHING NIGAHIGA CHANNEL)
- It's time you knew the truth.
- You already said that.
- And the truth... is...
ThAt wE nEeD YOURRRR hELp tO fiNNisH tHe mOovIe
By donating to our KickStarder page! (EVERYONE GO DONATE NOW)
Our modest goal is just a simple five-hundred-million dollars!
And dat money ain't even goin'a make it a movie!
After we'll get sued by Disney!
So what are you waiting' for?
Let's bring Star Wars Episode LXIX-
- Also known as Episode 69!
Ryan: Ah! Paco: Ah! Ryan: Ah! Paco: Ah! Ryan: That's what- Paco: She said!
Both: So donate now!
(WOOOSHHHHH)