“Why can’t I be as gorgeous as her?
Why can’t I be happy every day too?
Why can’t I have a tight knit and fun friend group just like her?
Why don’t good marks, and money, and popularity come as easily to me as to her?
Why is her life so easy and mine so hard?
Why am I such a failure?”.
I can’t be the only one whose jealous thoughts sometimes sound like this.
And I can’t be the only one who thinks that jealousy is by far the most toxic emotion,
either.
When I’m jealous of someone, I’m really unhappy.
I become unsatisfied with my own life, really self-critical, and I lose all of my self-confidence.
I compare myself to others, and I suddenly see all the ways that they’re just better
than me.
I think about all flaws and imperfections, and I ask myself: why am I such a mess?
Why can’t I just be you?
But I find that jealousy is actually way worse than that.
It doesn’t just make me unhappy, but it makes me bitter and vindictive too.
I become so much mean and petty, even to people who’ve literally done nothing wrong
to me.
Not only do I want to be more like someone else, but I think: well if I can’t have
what you have, then you can’t either.
And what’s more toxic than that?
I mean, let’s be honest.
We all know what jealous people are like, right?
No one likes them.
No wants to be around them.
No one really wants to be their friend.
So let’s not be that person.
Instead let’s ask ourselves this question: how can we learn, not to envy others, but
instead to become the person we envy ourselves?
It all starts with one simple ingredient: gratitude.
The next time you feel jealous of someone, here’s what I want you to do: think about
why you feel jealousy.
Ask yourself, what’s going on in my head that makes me feel this way?
Here’s what I think: I get jealous when I look what someone who has things that I
don’t – whether it’s money, or fame, or good looks – and I say to myself, that
should be me.
I deserve to have those things.
I think that, if I’m unhappy, it’s because I’m not like that person – and if I was,
then my life would be a lot better.
I think that everyone would like me, that I’d have so many more friends, and that
I’d just so much better about myself.
But is any of that true?
Dr. Laurie Santos doesn’t think so, and she’s the world’s leading expert on happiness.
Her research shows that happy people aren’t the ones who chase after what others have
happy people are the ones who learn to be grateful for what's already in their life
And that can seem hard right?
I can’t be the only one who sometimes feels like there just nothing good going on in my
life.
But in reality, I know that if I spend even a little time thinking about it, I’ll always
find something to be grateful for.
And you will too: you just have to make the effort to look.
Dr. Santos recommends that we take a little time at the end of each day to write down
a few things that we’re grateful for.
Here’s what I wrote yesterday.
Today, I’m grateful for: My body which allows me to play the sports
I love Having access to the internet
My youtube family of course
After I did this for a while, here’s what I found: when I focus on directing my attention
towards the good things I already have, even though there aren’t always as many as I’d
want there to be, I care a lot less about anything anyone else had.
Those thoughts slowly begin to take up less space in my head, until I hardly even notice
them at all.
I realized that every day I have is a blessing, so it makes no sense to make myself miserable
envying others when there’s so much to celebrate in my own life.
Instead of spending all my energy comparing myself to others, I should be focusing on
becoming the person whose life deserves to be celebrated.
Let’s see how we can make that happen.
One thing that I realized is that I’m only jealous when I’m choosing to compare myself
to other people – it’s not just something that happens to me, it’s something that
I do.
And so I thought, shouldn’t I also be able to choose not to compare myself to others?
It turns out that even though it can be hard to avoid, it’s not impossible.
Here’s how you can work on not comparing yourself to others too.
The first thing is to recognize that so much of what you envy in others won’t actually
make you happy, even if you had them.
I mean, just think about the things that really matter to you, the kind of things that keep
you happy instead of just giving you a little bit of transient pleasure that disappears
after a few days.
Is it really new clothes, or Instagram followers, or fancy suppers you’re jealous of other
people for having?
Is that really what gives you the kind of deep, gratifying happiness that actually lasts?
When I look back at what really gives my life meaning, it has nothing to do with fame or
luxury, and everything to do with relationships, a sense of purpose, and my community.
It’s about the memories I’ve made with my closest friends and the time I spent helping
to make other people’s lives better.
It’s about finding people who truly love me and who I truly love, not winning some
stupid popularity contest at school.
It’s about finding meaning in the smiles of children who I volunteer with, not rushing
to my paycheque on the newest pair of Nikes.
Most importantly, it’s about becoming someone a who I can respect as much as anyone else
I know, someone who is hard-working, healthy, fit, reliable, thoughtful, and empathetic:
that’s what I’m truly proud of.
And here’s the key: realize that when you’re jealous of other people, you’re taking your
focus away from the things that truly matter.
You’re focused on all the things you think will make you happy but won’t, because even
if you got all of those things, you would only want more.
So stop comparing yourself to others, and start comparing yourself to who you were yesterday:
the only race that really matters is the one you’re running against yourself.
So much of our jealousy is actually about our own feelings of inadequacy, and our own
lack of confidence and self-esteem.
We don’t feel happy with who we are as people, so we look to others and feel even worse.
But where do these feelings come from?
Most of the time, this comes from applying someone else’s standard to our own lives
and feeling like we’re coming up short.
So if you want to learn to overcome this, you have to start by crafting your own narrative
about your life and defining what success means for you.
Way too often we think that because so many influencers define success as being rich,
famous, and aesthetic, that we do too.
But we don’t.
We all have the power to create our own goals, set our own standards, and make ourselves
proud.
Remember that you can define success any way you want to.
All that matters in the end is that your actions live up to your own values, not someone else’s.
You need to become the judge of your own character and remember that no one can tell you how
to life your life except for you.
So if someone tells you that you’ll only be successful and worthy of happiness when
you’re rich and famous, remind yourself that they’re just wrong.
There are so many other things that matter in life, like family, and community, and creativity,
and personal growth – so don’t ever let anyone tell you that success in those areas
doesn’t count.
Let your own imagination inspire your goals and aspirations and learn to become successful
on your own terms.
Lastly, remember that all you ever have is the present moment: so if you spend all your
time being anxious about the future and what you might or might not have, all you’re
doing is delaying your own happiness.
And look, I’m the last person to think that happiness comes easy.
I’ve struggled with depression for a lot of my life, and I’m not pretending to have
all the answers.
We shouldn’t necessarily feel guilty or think that we’re doing something wrong just
because we’re feeling depressed – sometimes it’s just not under our control, and that’s
okay.
But here’s what I do know: comparing yourself to others is not the solution.
If you tell yourself that you won’t be satisfied until you have everything you want and everything
everyone else has, then you definitely won’t be happy anytime soon.
So what are you waiting for?
Instead of spending our limited energy envying others, lets redirect and use that energy
to start creating the best version of ourselves
thank you so much for watching this video
sorry if I seemed a little tired during it, it's midterm season right now
but I still wanted to get a video out for you guys
and... I don't think I've properly thanked you guys for 100 thousand subscribers, which is a lot
and also I've been posting a lot more on instagram as well
ummmmmmm
That's all
okay, OH! also I read all of your comments so make sure to leave a comment. ok bye!