(air whooshes) (calm music)
- [Amanda] Hey, Psych2Goers, welcome back to another video.
Thank you all so much for your love and support
enabling us to make yet another exploration
into everyday psychology, so let's begin.
Self-sabotage, the most elusive of your foes.
It's tough to nab because it creeps up on you silently
and you're doing it before you even know it started.
And this behavior happens
where you might wanna protect yourself
but the difficult thing
is that it's not always clear (gunshots blaring)
what you're protecting yourself from.
It's almost an instinct, somewhere where you sense a threat
and you respond to it by doing or not doing certain things.
It often stems from insecurities,
not just physical but also emotional.
Self-sabotaging can take place in any relationship
that includes romantic relationships,
friendships, and work relationships.
But in this video, we'll be focusing on
the romantic and work aspect.
The first step to overcoming self-sabotage
and going forward again is figuring out why you're doing it.
So with that said, here are eight reasons
why you might be self-sabotaging your relationships.
You might find one that matches your situation.
Let's start off with why you might be sabotaging
romantic relationships.
(calm music) One, low self-worth.
Do you often feel that you're not worthy of a relationship
or you aren't lovable?
It could even be that you've convinced yourself
that people just don't see you in that way.
A common cause of self-sabotaging relationships
is a very low sense of self-worth.
Two, fear of losing friends.
Do you feel obliged to your friends?
Does it feel like you need to repay them
for being your friend?
Through all the support you've given and received
to and from each other, you might subconsciously feel like
you owe it to your friends or family
to be available when they need you.
You might avoid relationships
because you're afraid of abandoning your friends
or not being a good enough friend to them.
Three, fear of being unable to balance.
Think about work, study, friends, family,
and your own hobbies.
Are there a lot of things in your life
fighting for your time?
Self-sabotaging might also stem from your fear
of being unable to be a good, significant other
to your partner because you can't divide your time properly.
This happens because you might not have been
in many relationships and you're used to fending
for yourself in a certain way.
You're afraid that a relationship might cause you
to lack the time you put into other things.
It could also be connected to losing freedom
or a piece of yourself.
Number four, afraid to disappoint them.
This is connected to the low self-worth.
You're afraid you don't have the skills required
to be a good partner.
You're afraid of making mistakes
or saying or doing the wrong thing,
and as a result, you avoid relationships altogether.
And number five, fear of abandonment.
Nothing in life (buzzer blares)
is completely without risk.
Opening yourself up and having a romantic relationship
opens up a variety of different risks you run,
emotionally speaking.
These risks or fears can range from fear of abandonment
to your partner not liking the way you look
or anything in between.
Whatever it is, it's quite scary
and might result in you consciously or subconsciously
avoiding having a romantic relationship.
Now let's talk about why you might self-sabotage at work.
Six, loss of freedom.
Do you adjust to change easily?
Are you excited for that promotion
or worried about the increased responsibilities?
Assuming that self-sabotaging happens in cases
where you're about to gain a higher position,
that position might come with more complex tasks.
Familiarity at work gives you a certain freedom,
you know what to expect (upbeat music)
and once you're familiar, you have more freedom to plan
and do it in a way that makes it more comfortable for you.
Having more complexity might subconsciously frighten you
because you would lose a bit of that freedom
because you're not as familiar with the tasks.
Number seven, you're afraid they've overestimated you.
I can definitely relate to this one.
Are you doubting your own capability?
Do you think you're not up for it?
If you don't believe in your own abilities,
the offer of a higher position
would trigger a number of anxieties.
These ultimately translate into self-sabotage.
You might not believe you're ready for such a position,
and as a result, you might think, "I'm not made for this",
but the truth is it was you who they chose after all,
so that counts for something, right?
Number eight, fear of rejection by your new peers.
It's always a bit scary to be the new person
in a group, right, especially if those people
were first to step above you
and are now supposed to be on your own level.
You have to learn the ropes and you're afraid
of feeling like an outsider if you don't immediately
pick up the new skills.
This fear of not being as good as the others
might draw you to do subtle things
that result in self-sabotage.
We hope we were able to give you insight
into some of the reasons
you might be unknowingly practicing self-sabotage.
Can you think of any others? (calm relaxing music)
How many do you recognize in your own behavior?
Would you like us to publish a video
with more advice on how to overcome self-sabotaging?
Leave a comment down below about your reason
for engaging in this behavior
and please feel free to share any experiences
and thoughts you've had as well.
If you found this video helpful,
be sure to hit the like button
and share it with those out there
waiting in the shady waters of self-sabotage.
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