It won't be for long.
Just long enough for them to find out what's going on.
Please don't leave me here.
Just for a couple of days.
You'll see. Time'll go by fast.
Susan, we need to go. There's no reason to drag this out.
Be brave, darling.
*sniff* You're strong.
I know you're strong.
*sniff*
Jodie...
DUNKEY: Me and you can rule this city, Spider-Man...
...Or we can just fight to the death!
Ha ha ha ha!!
Place the device on her head!
Ha ha ha ha!
Time to die!
*cackles maniacally*
Yes!! Excellent!!
Knock the papers over!
*LAUGHS MANIACALLY*
Now the table!!
*MORE MANIACAL LAUGHTER*
Kill that woman!
WOMAN: The door's shut! DUNKEY: Kill this woman!!
AH HA HA HA HA HA! [Woman shouts frantically throughout, intercom noise]
Me and you can KILL this woman, Spider-Man!!
Or we can just eat CHEETOS!
AAAAAAAA
*Horse whinnies*
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
HEY!
I can tame the horse!
No.
White people do not know how to work horses.
They have become weak,
like the water buffalo.
Weak from the life of luxury.
Dere dere dere, horsie.
Wait right there.
Wait for daddy to pet ya!
*Native American woodwinds and chimes*
It was wrong of me to doubt the white man.
Here.
Eat my barn for luck.
Ehhhhhhhhhhhhh
Aaaaaaaaa
Urrrrrrrr
rrrrraaaa
aaAAAAAAAAaaaa
Aw yeah, here we go.
Ha ha ha ha!
Take it off!
Take it--
Best part of this stupid-ass game
and this fuckin' jag's working the camera angles!
Who's workin' the camera?!?!
Zoom out, do--
Ohh, good one!
Good one, fucko!
ACTUAL ELLEN PAGE: You might as well just give up, Aiden.
Okay?
This date is going on.
Period.
*doorbell rings*
DUNKEY AS ELLEN PAGE: Who could it be?? Oh boy!!
*excited gargle*
*door slam*
DUNKEY: Gotcha, ya dumb bitch.
ACTUAL ELLEN PAGE: Are you happy?
*Ethereal language*
Because you got what you wanted.
He's gone, and now you can have me to your fucking self!
*Ethereal language*
I really hope you're deliriously fucking happy!
*Ethereal language*
And you can just fucking float in your invisible world and watch me cry.
*Ethereal language*
I hate you!
I fucking hate you!
*sob*
♪ Dunkey tries to sing along to "Far Away" from Red Dead Redemption ♪
DUNKEY: *labored breathing*
Oh yeah.
*more labored breathing*
Oh sh--. Oh shit.
You saw nothing.
They say no white man's opened wine for thousands of years.
I can do it!
*corkscrew noises*
*pop!*
*Native American woodwinds and chimes*
Why is the entire game in this aspect ratio?
Is it meant to be played at a movie theater?
Imagine playing this on the old 4:3 television.
Oh, it's meant to look more, uhh, cinematic this way.
Here. Look. Even better.
♪ Punch-Out!! theme plays ♪
Oh boy a trombone!! Can I do it??
White man cannot play trombone.
For they have become weak
like the hawk,
peeing on the horizon.
brrah! bahh!
♪ "Far Away" from Red Dead Redemption plays ♪
*breathing*
*ugh*
*Native American woodwinds and chimes*
[SMACK] ELLEN PAGE: Ugh!!