Hollywood has churned out some regrettable remakes over the years, but among the garbage,
there have also been some successful cinematic revivals like Ocean's Eleven and The Thing,
both of which made audiences forget there was something else to compare them to in the
first place.
With that optimistic outlook in mind, let's take a look at all the remakes Tinseltown
has in the works that might be worth your ticket money.
Suspiria
1977's Suspiria has been described as "a nightmare fairytale etched in neon colors."
The horror film focused on an American ballerina who arrives at a European dance academy, only
to find herself in serious trouble when the students start dying in disturbing ways.
It's as good as Italian horror cinema gets, and remaking it seems like an impossible task…but
Luca Guadagnino is going to try anyway, The Italian filmmaker is working with an impressive
roster of great actresses, including Dakota Johnson, Tilda Swinton, Chloë Grace Moretz,
and Mia Goth, and even Jessica Harper, the star of the original, will make a cameo in
the new iteration.
The biggest difference we'll see is in the color choices involved in the remake.
While the original is perhaps the most colorful horror film ever put to celluloid, Guadagnino
says his take will have "no primary colors."
Instead, prepare yourself for a film that's "winter-ish, evil, and really dark."
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
1988's Dirty Rotten Scoundrels was a classic comedy starring Michael Caine and Steve Martin
as two con men who had made a rather despicable wager.
The two were trying to fleece an heiress out of her money, and whoever lost the bet had
to skip town.
But while the film was a success, the story was hardly original.
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels was actually a remake of a 1964 film called Bedtime Story, which
starred Marlon Brando.
MGM is currently updating the movie again with women in the lead instead.
The new pic, Nasty Women, will star Anne Hathaway and Rebel Wilson as the two despicable scammers.
If Nasty Women manages to bring back the whole cultured crook versus crass con artist angle,
then it's not difficult to guess who will play who.
"He loves to run and run and run."
Overboard
Released in 1987, Garry Marshall's Overboard may have divided critics, but it eventually
won the hearts of comedy fans across the world.
Starring the legendary couple of Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn, the film focused on a spoiled
heiress who fell off a yacht and woke up in a hospital with amnesia.
Through a series of hijinks, her carpenter tricked her into thinking she was his wife
and hillbilly hell broke out.
"Why do I have this depressed look on my face all the time?"
"Well, you were grumpy a lot."
Flash forward three decades, and Overboard is being remade with Anna Faris and Eugenio
Derbez in the lead roles.
But this time, there's a little twist.
"Surprise!"
The roles will be flipped, with Derbez playing a selfish playboy from a wealthy Mexican family
who loses his memory after taking a tumble off a boat, while Faris will be a single mom
who fools Derbez into thinking he's her husband.
When in doubt, gender-swap it out.
The Thomas Crown Affair
Coming off films like Creed and Fruitvale Station, there's no denying Michael B. Jordan
is one of the most exciting actors working today.
Now, he'll be following in Steve McQueen's footsteps with another adaptation of The Thomas
Crown Affair.
The original 1968 film followed a wealthy businessman who orchestrated a nearly perfect
bank robbery.
But eventually, an insurance investigator began to suspect Crown of pulling off the
heist.
Sparks eventually flew between them and the two leads had to grapple with both their emotions
and millions of dollars as they tried to outwit one another.
The film was already remade with some success with Pierce Brosnan and Rene Russo as the
co-leads, but what's really impressive is that this new version is all Michael B. Jordan's
idea.
Jordan reportedly pitched MGM on the idea for a remake himself and landed the title
role as a result.
The Raid: Redemption
One of the craziest action movies in recent memory, The Raid: Redemption followed a SWAT
team trying to nab a notorious crime lord, but most of the movie was made up of fantastic
fight scenes as the team battles their way up a heavily-guarded high-rise apartment building.
However, while the original Raid is a martial arts extravaganza, director Joe Carnahan plans
on getting grittier with his upcoming remake.
The director of films like Narc and The Grey, Carnahan is teaming up with actor Frank Grillo
to create a film he says will feel like a feature-length version of the knife fight
scene in Saving Private Ryan.
Death Wish
The quintessential revenge flick, Michael Winner's Death Wish saw a pacifist-turned-killer
declare war on New York criminals after a gang of thugs murdered his wife and raped
his daughter.
While the film stirred up quite a bit of controversy back in the day, Death Wish was financially
successful enough to spawn several sequels.
"Hey."
"What's the problem?"
Now, over 40 years later, MGM has decided to remake the dirty and gritty thriller and
possibly start a new series.
Only this time, Bruce Willis will be playing the part of Paul Kersey instead of Charles
Bronson, and Eli Roth will step behind the camera for the flick.
According to Roth, we can expect to see Hostel-style torture scenes with "spectacular set pieces"
on this remake, so get ready to lose your appetite.
"Because a death wish always comes true."
An American Werewolf in London
When it comes to werewolves, there's one film that stands snout and shoulders above the
rest.
An American Werewolf in London is the quintessential lycanthrope flick.
So, Universal's upcoming remake has some pretty big pawprints to fill.
David Alpert and Robert Kirkman of The Walking Dead fame are set to produce the new American
Werewolf, bringing some serious horror cred to the project.
Meanwhile, Universal is keeping things in the family on the filmmaking side.
Hoping to recapture the black magic of the original, the studio has brought out Max Landis,
the son of the original's writer and director, John Landis', to pen the screenplay and helm
the film.
So, hopefully, this won't be just another bad moon movie on the rise.
"Tra la la la la la.
Isn't this fun?"
The Great Outdoors
One of John Hughes' lesser-known scripting efforts, The Great Outdoors was a 1988 comedy
starring John Candy as Chet Ripley, a Chicagoan who just wants to spend some time with his
family out in the Wisconsin wilderness.
Unfortunately, Chet's relaxing vacation was ruined when his annoying brother-in-law crashed
the party with his own family in tow, leading to a series of escapades involving water skis,
a giant steak, and a bald-headed bear.
Now, Universal Pictures is aiming to reboot the film with Kevin Hart on board to lead.
Whether he plays Chet or his brother-in-law remains to be seen, but we can count on the
funnyman to deliver some memorable moments and remind everyone what an underrated gem
the original was.
Scarface
Say hello to a little remake of this gangster classic.
As one of Al Pacino's most acclaimed performances, it's no wonder fans are a bit skeptical about
anyone touching Brian De Palma's 1983 film.
But what most people don't know is that Scarface was actually a remake itself.
The first Scarface was filmed in 1932, and it featured an Italian immigrant making a
name for himself in the Chicago mob.
A couple of decades later, De Palma simply switched the setting to Miami, turned the
main character into a Cuban, and created an all-time masterpiece.
In keeping with the Scarface remake tradition, the new film will take place in Los Angeles
and follow a Mexican immigrant's rise to power.
Diego Luna will play the main character, working with a screenplay written by Boardwalk Empire's
Terence Winter and doctored by the Coen brothers.
You might recall that the last time the sibling duo had anything to do with a script about
drugs, murder, and Mexican cartels, it worked out pretty well, so maybe we should be optimistic
about Scarface's modern-day revival.
The Intouchables
When The Intouchables made its way to America in 2012, the film was not a commercial success.
But overseas, this French drama made an absolute killing.
The story focused on the relationship between a paralyzed man named Philippe and his Senegalese
caretaker, Driss.
In addition to race, the two are separated by class and different worldviews, but over
the course of the film, the two form a bond and help each other become better people.
Now, the Weinstein Company is giving Americans another chance to see the movie—only this
time, they'll get to hear all the dialogue in English.
Re-titled Untouchable, the upcoming remake will star Bryan Cranston as the wheelchair-bound
Philip; and, Kevin Hart will play Dell, Philip's new assistant from the Bronx.
Nicole Kidman will also star and Neil Burger will direct.
The pic will bow into theaters in March, 2018.
Starship Troopers
Directed by Paul Verhoeven, Starship Troopers has never gotten the same amount of love as
the director's magnum opus, RoboCop, but it's still gained a sizable cult following over
the years.
The 1997 original followed a group of kids who join the military to fight bugs in outer
space.
"BUGS.
BUGGGGGGGS!"
Initially, the movie was misunderstood by quite a few critics, but these days, Troopers
is widely recognized as a biting satire on fascism.
The original novel, written by Robert A. Heinlein, couldn't be more different.
The book has a much more pro-war stance than the Verhoeven film, which means the upcoming
remake will diverge significantly.
Columbia Pictures hopes to bring kick off "a potential franchise" with a new Starship
Troopers—but most importantly, the upcoming version will stick a lot closer to the novel.
Maniac Cop
Directed by the infamous William Lustig, 1988's Maniac Cop has been described as "schlocky"
and "scummy"... and "actually kinda fun."
The exploitation flick features Tom Atkins as a cop investigating a series of murders,
Robert Z'Dar as a psychopathic police officer killing anyone in his path, and Bruce Campbell
as an innocent cop caught in the middle.
While the film wasn't exactly a critical hit, the slasher has picked up a cult following
over the years.
The Maniac Cop remake has been in the works since 2012, but in 2015, things really started
moving.
Marvel and DC Comics writer Ed Brubaker is writing the script, with John Hyams directing.
In March 2017, Variety reported that the film would start shooting this summer, although
the remake isn't going to be exactly the same as Lustig's original B-picture.
This time, Maniac Cop will be more of a realistic thriller than a horror film, with Producer
Nicolas Winding Refn telling Bloody Disgusting the new film will "serve as more of a commentary
on modern day society" and the sometimes questionable actions of law enforcement.
There's no word yet on who's starring, but whoever they pick, they'll probably pale in
comparison to Campbell and Z'Dar…and least when it comes to their chins, anyway.
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