Buffets are a staple of American cuisine.
Call it a holdover from our American Revolution days and desire for independence, or chalk
it up to the nostalgia of feeling like we're in school again, Americans love serving themselves
food from tables filled with every last available option.
"I told ya, the buffet, man."
"Boy, did we do the wrong thing."
"Crab legs, shrimp, potatoes..."
But it really doesn't matter why; Americans just love us some buffets.
Unless you wanna go home with a stomach ache, though, you've gotta know how to spot an all-you-can-eat
nightmare.
These are the signs you're at a bad buffet.
"All you can eat."
"All you can eat?"
No sneeze guards
"Folks back home, they all said, you know when you get to Vegas, you gotta do the buffet."
That annoying piece of glass is designed to protect the food from, well...you … and
everyone else.
"God, that smells good.
WAUHHH!"
The National Sanitation Foundation's guidelines for self-service food states that the maximum
distance between the bottom of a sneeze guard and the counter below it, should be 13 inches.
If the sneeze guards are nonexistent or very small, you can bet that the food is contaminated
pretty regularly.
"Ah...ah…"
"Take it outside, lady."
Sneeze guards are required by law and have been around since the late '50s according
to Smithsonian magazine.
So if the buffet you're at doesn't have one, don't risk it.
Tainted tongs
Buffet utensils can be pretty gross.
Everyone touches all the same tongs and spoons.
And don't just assume they all washed their hands before piling up their plates.
"Personally, I could take or leave shrimp.
But If I'm being totally honest, I think I'm a little allergic to it, but today I'm gonna
gorge myself on it, do you know why?"
"Because you're a f---ing idiot?"
Sydney Ross Singer from the Institute for the Study of Culturogenic Disease told Food
Safety News that there are no explicit regulations on how often serving utensils must be changed
out.
This means the same tongs could be sitting in the salad for an entire day.
The exception to this is when utensils are dropped on the floor.
In that case they should be replaced immediately.
"A buffet.
Oh, if I only had my wallet with me."
"Um…
It's free."
"AHOOHHHH!"
But how many times have you seen someone wait patiently for tongs to be replaced at a buffet?
Probably zero.
Unless you count hands as clean utensils.
M.I.A. employees
It would seem logical that buffets employ fewer people than other types of restaurants.
After all, how many people does it take to keep food stocked on a buffet line?
"I need a couple of bananas.
How much are they?"
"Well, the buffet plate is $12.50.
You get peaches, plums, oranges and bananas."
But not only are there cooks in the back keeping up with supply, there are also runners who
then bring that food out to replace the dwindling crab legs.
"Some of this and all of this and… this'll do as an appetizer."
If during your visit, you don't see a single employee changing out their offerings, that's
a red flag.
It means the food is just sitting out on the buffet for, like, ever.
Part-time buffet
Some restaurants only offer a buffet on the weekend.
And while this isn't exactly a bad thing, if a restaurant only hosts a buffet once a
week, be on the lookout for recycled food … that's on the verge of spoiling.
"I guess that would be OK to eat.
It's been there for months."
Of course, the food could still be perfectly okay … after all, that's the idea behind
leftovers.
But at a restaurant, you don't know exactly how close things are to spoiling.
"I want a yogurt parfait, spare ribs, a waffle, four cookies and an egg white omelet."
Not making the grade
The Food and Drug Administration publishes a Food Code every four years that outlines
best practices for restaurants and other retail food establishments.
But the Code doesn't have to be followed uniformly and sanitation regulations vary by state.
"Well, la-di-da!"
"Paper and everything."
While many states require restaurants to display their sanitation scores, this doesn't reflect
violations that were discovered and then corrected.
"I want the truth!"
"You can't handle the truth!"
Looking up trends in violations can tell you whether the place you're frequenting has had
any issues.
If your favorite buffet isn't always making the grade, it may be time to find a new one.
Mystery loaf
Unidentifiable foods are never a good sign … especially at a buffet.
"This doesn't look like chicken."
"Oh, you're right.
This isn't chicken, THIS is chicken.
Want some?"
Not all buffets label their offerings for the day and sometimes it's tough to tell what's
what.
Is that fish or chicken?
Potatoes or pasta?
If you're at a buffet and can't identify the food you're looking at, abandon ship immediately.
"Go get em, tiger."
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