Hello and welcome back, my Body Language Buddies! today, in Episode 32, the big question is...
can you tell who's the manipulator in a couple when you watch their statements separately?
And to solve this riddle, we will be looking at LaToya Forever and Adam Ali's videos, who
both claim that the other tried to manipulate the relationship, which dates back to 2011
when they met together to collaborate on a Youtube project, began dating, married, had
three kids and finally divorced in 2020.
Reading couples' body language is always interesting, as we saw in previous episodes like Jada and
Will, the Stauffers, Derrick Jaxn's apology or Meghan and Harry interview.
In this case we'll be watching a different dynamic because we'll analyze their body language
while each one tells their own side of the story, separately.
As for me, I will be looking at their videos with a fresh set of eyes and absolutely no
preconception of their couple dynamic.
There seems to be a lot of content about them out there, so this is my promise that if this
video gets to 10.000 likes, I'll do a bonus video about the body language signals that
they displayed over their last years as a couple.
In this Episode, you will discover:
- How to tell when someone is being truthful about what they say,
- How to compare the body language clues of two people when they talk about the same events,
and
- One type of question that always comes in handy to reveal true emotions.
Remember that I've got a gift for you: my 100+ body language tips in a free PDF that
you can find right in the description.
And thank you for supporting my channel! all you have to do is, subscribe and hit that
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My Name is Jesús Enrique Rosas, I'm the Body Language Guy, and I want you to uncover the
secrets that people try to hide from you.
The first thing that struck upon watching the videos at first sight was the similarity
between both postures right at the start.
It's almost a copy of each other, with their shoulders down, their hands between their
legs and a neutral chin, not too high or too low.
That's a classic posture of being a bit defensive; like they won't be accepting rebuttals to
what they're about to say.
Let's start with the very first words of Adam when Tasha asks him about their separation
video last year:
- I saw the separation video about six months ago... and interesting enough you said that
it wasn't a separation, you guys were actually divorced
- Well, I'm going to defend her on that point there, because... but then I followed up with
a video on my own, where I called it a divorce.
So, LaToya had published a video where she called it a separation, and then Adam followed
saying that it an actual divorce.
But the first thing he says is that he wants to defend her decision of addressing it publicly,
only that at that exact time he shows a bit of anxiety with that hand gesture and that
rapid blinking.
Maybe it's the fact that he didn't like her addressing that publicly, or that he feels
guilty in some way, but we know that he's both remembering, because his lies are to
his left, and he's upset by it, because when he covers the topic he presses his lips and
tenses his jaw.
Now, look at the facial expression signals of Adam recalling that moment:
- Which is really confusing, because at that point, at the point that she released that
video, yeah... the divorce was happening, here, like what separation are you talking
about? and even at that point she was living at the house so it was weird she doing a video
about separation...
It's nice when you can catch various signals of being truthful when someone is talking.
In this case you not only have the confirmation that he's remembering but also he's actually
confused by LaToya's behavior at that moment.
He shows it in his facial expressions.
There's even real surprise in there, deep shrugging and saccades, which are rapid eye
movements to a final squinting.
As I've told you before, it's almost impossible to practice and reproduce so many facial expressions
and when those facial expression match what people are saying, then we have a very good
signal that they are being truthful.
But: there is one way that someone could lie showing all the right signals and fool even
an experienced analyst.
And that's the Stanislavski Technique.
Can you give us a short take on that, Sarah?
- Of course Jesus.
The Stanislavski technique is practiced in acting so that the person doesn't have to
fake emotions but actually represent the reactions that their character would be feeling at that
moment.
So, it's less like practicing your body language and more like understanding the emotions of
your character.
Anyway, so far I think that Adam is being truthful in his statements, but let's switch
to LaToya and address her own body language expression:
- Hey guys, in today's video I will be interviewed and I'm a bit nervous because I'll be discussing
what led me to my divorce, my ex husband has been getting interviewed by social media platforms
telling our story
LaToya's situation is pretty much similar because she's been interviewed on her side
of the story.
The first thing that I spot is the fact that even she has a long time record as a Youtube
and TV personality, she's talking making a lot of stops.
I understand that she could be nervous about the topic that she's about to address, but
she's just getting started and should not have any trouble introducing this interview.
That slap on the legs signals that she's upset with what she's doing at that time, and we
still don't know if it's about the divorce itself or having to talk about it, but those
very long blinks that are in fact closed eyes tells us that she doesn't want to be there.
Very easy to miss, but exactly after she says 'my ex husband' she presses her lips and shows
a contempt facial expression so you can tell she doesn't feel at ease talking about him.
I also pointed out THAT eye drift to her creative side.
It doesn't have a concrete meaning at this point, but who knows how it can help us later.
Now, we know how Adam feels about the divorce itself.
Watch LaToya's face expression when she addresses the same topic:
- I hope you guys have an understanding as to why my ex husband an I got... a divorce.
And why are we here today.
This is something that is critical when you're looking at couple's body language, wether
they are in the same room or not, and it's if they show the same emotional reactions
when they talk about the same topics.
In this case, LaToya presses her lips right before saying "a divorce", which is very similar
to Adam's reaction in the same situation.
When I offer relationship counseling the first thing that I try to spot is... what do they
agree on? and most of the time, words alone are not enough because people usually answer
what they think is the 'right' answer.
Body Language reveals the real conVERgence of a couple and that's the first step to assess
if it's possible to rebuild it.
Now let's see how Adam recalls those first months of the relationship and try to spot
his emotions about having to move to LA back then:
- After shooting the video we just kept in touch and then... she wanted to move to LA
from Toronto and she... pretty much put my back agaist the wall and... are you coming?
kinda thing... but little did we know there was a kid already brewing.
You see that Adam recalls these experiences showing a bit of pain; like when he tenses
all the muscles of his face, or when he refers to LaToya's ultimatum of going to LA, he hunches
a bit, he raises his eyebrows looking for empathy and finally denies with his head,
all forming a body language sentence that means that he didn't have much choice, even
if they didn't know at the time that she was pregnant.
It's a bit sad to see that his body language reveals that he was not so shure of that decision
at that time, like he felet forced.
But how does LaToya recall the exact same anecdote?:
- we actually moved in together six months after, so everything happened so fast.
I feel it happened so rushed... looking back now
Wait... wait a minute, why... why is she touching her toes like that?
- I... uhm...
I wish I had an answer to that, Jesus.
Looks like a pacifying gesture.
Most pacifying gestures are a signal of anxiety.
Yeah.
Bit gross, that's it.
Even with that pacifying gesture that shows that she's a bit anxious about the topic,
her face expression is of real delight.
But at the same time she says that she felt the whole process of dating and moving in
like a bit rushed, and she does that long blink again at the end, showing that she doesn't
feel entirely comfortable about the topic.
So what's really off is her smile.
And that marks a subtle body language contradiction with what she's saying.
Remember that in body language you keep stacking those contradictions, the clues, the nonverbal
signals until you can reach a conclusion about the real emotions of the subject.
So the more contradictions that you observe, the less credibility the subject has.
Now It's your turn to be the Body Language analyst.
We're going to watch two statements back to back about the exact same topic and let's
see if you can spot wether one of them is telling the truth and the other is lying,
or both are truthful or not.
Watch this clip:
- I've loved her, yes... uhm...
I'm just going to keep it at that, I loved her
- Were you in love?
- Uhm... based in certain events, I wouln't say I was in love with her
- I loved Adam, you know he's the father of my children, he's a great dad, I will always
have love for him, I don't think that I was ever in love with him, but I do have love
for Adam.
The answer? at the end of this video.
Now, the following clip is not much about body language but it has a very important
clue that will help us understand why and how their relationship went like that:
- The reason that Adam and I got pregnant is because Adam and I got pregnant with my
firstborn... and both sides of the family pressured us into getting married... so, we
didn't have time to discuss... you know, values... religion and our beliefs, we just kinda jumped
into marriage because we got pregnant.
It's not about being pregnant at that time.
It's not even having to obey the will of the families.
It's about he part where they don't discussed their values.
And I'm really glad that LaToya mentioned it, because discussing values is one of the
most important things that a couple could discuss before getting married.
In general, we're not aware of our own values.
We don't take time each year to assess what are our current values and how do we want
to live life according to them.
That's why so many people suffer so much because they lack that inner compass and live by the
values of other people.
By the way, for all my Patreon supporters I'm glad to share my personal assessment tool
to define your own values.
You can find the link to my Patreon in the description of this video.
Now, LaToya also made very serious claims about Adam's behavior.
Let's watch the next clip to see what we can make of it:
- He turned on the lights, an then he grabbed my legs and like pool me.
He picked me up, showed me the wall and then he started like joke me.
The kids ran into the room, they started crying, saying daddy, take your handsome mommy, and
then he took my phone, he mashed it, and at this point I was terrified, I was so scared
I thought I was going to dine that day.
You might be wondering why you didn't see any emotional markers in that clip, and it's
because even if I watched it more than a couple times, and ran Sarah's software through it,
it has no relevant facial expressions.
What else can you add, Sarah?
- Beyond the lack of emotions in her face, there's also the fact that her voice didn't
have changes in tone, frequency or stress compared to other segments of the video.
This is atypical for statements of this kind.
It's not common at all to watch a woman talking so casually about an event like this.
There's always some kind of change.
You speak faster, or the voice tone goes lower, or your blinking frequency shifts, anything.
Now let's watch Adam's answer to this, and listen to the words that he picks:
- There was a hussle and tussle, I never straight her, I never put my hand unhoor, that was
it.
Was she probably scared?
yeah, she probably was, I never straight you, I never hit on you or anything of that nature
Body language is just a part of human behavior.
So you should always first listen to what the people say and then check their nonverbal
signals.
And what does he say? he talks about striking.
He talks about hitting.
She never used those words.
So that's really interesting.
She shows no relevant emotions recalling what happened, and at the same time he escalates
the denial going much further than her claims.
I'm going to be clear with this, and I'm not saying that this is the case.
But it's very common that when a manipulator wants to deny that they did harm to someone,
they will usually use the higher grade deniel.
For example: you tell them that they caused you psychological harm, and they would respond
"but I never put a hand on you".
You see that?
they avoid a direct denial.
That's why a direct, yes or no question is always your best bet to determine the true
emotions of someone.
There's another clip from Adam's interview that caught my attention:
- The simple question to look at everything is that: who is the common denominator?
like, who has survived her?
Where's all her friends?
where's all her family?
They're not here no more for a reason.
I understand the point that he's trying to make.
That LaToya has alienated herself from her family and friends and that proves that she's
toxic.
But, if you've been in a relationship with a covert narcissistic manipulator, you know
that they'll do everything and beyond to separate you from your friends and family, so you can
focus on them.
What's more, they're gonna blame you for that.
That you're the one that drives everyone away and them, the narcissist, is the only one
capable of loving you and being by your side.
Again, this is not enough to prove that Adam is a covert narcissistic manipulator.
But that statement is exactly what a narcissistic manipulator would say after alienating you
from your friends and family.
But I have a question for you.
And I'll be really glad if you take your time to share your point of view in the comments.
We read body language to determine someone's true intentions.
But sometimes, just by the circumstances we can have a guess about what were those intentions
in the first place?
So, the question is, what was LaToya's intention of publishing this video? because it's a mix
between the story of their life as a couple, with some serious claims in between.
In fact, the name of the video itself is misleading.
It's called "why did I get a divorce?"
And why do I say that it's misleading? because that title implies that she's trying to justify
her decisions with someone.
And who is watching the video? her audience.
For some reason, she felt that she had to publicly disclose the details that led her
to that decision, just as she used to make public the details of her personal and family
life.
If the main topic of the video was the claims, it would have been seven minutes at most.
But then she dilutes it in one hour of fluff.
And, you know what kind of people like to fill their statements with A LOT of fluff
about themselves?
- Uhm... politicians?
Well... yes! but also, narcissists.
- Oh, I thought those were synonyms.
Well, your sarcasm plugin is working well.
I don't think either of them is innocent.
Yeah, it seems that they both made good and bad decisions, but LaToya's histrionic side,
wanting to be in the spotlight at all times, constantly showing their family and couple
struggles to the public, only created more and more stress.
Almost no divorce is a walk in the park for any couple.
There's always going to be someone that is hurt more than the other, one that is more
relieved than the other, some who will heal faster and others that will take more time
to understand what really went wrong.
But the critical part of these processes is each partner to be absolutely honest with
themselves.
Even if they are not honest between them, if they don't go for full disclosure, being
honest about what they brought and what they took from the table is essential for that
recovery process.
There's not a one-size-fits-all perfect relationship standard, and that's great!
every relationship is unique.
But then, the real reference of what makes a relationship fulfilling, is how you feel
about yourself when you are with your partner.
And it only comes from your own sense of self-worth.
That's in fact the secret behind truly healthy relationships.
When each one feels fulfilled with themselves, each on their own, then the relationship will
end up being greater than the sum of the parts.
But when there's manipulation, narcissistic and histrionic behaviors, lies, or one of
the partners sees the other as an emotional crutch, then it's not gonna end well.
And the answer to today's riddle, were they truthful or lying when they were talking about
being in love with each other?
Yes, both of them recognized, in their own words and their own body language expression
that they simply had a great professional relationship, they enjoyed time together,
they did a lot of things because of their kids, but as you can imagine that is simply
not enough.
One more thing:
- I had to really ask myself, is this person a source of peace for me? and she just wasn't.
She never was a source of peace for me.
Did you spot any other clues in the video?
don't forget to share them in the comments.
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See you Next Time!